Hello Everyone,

I'm on an airplane right now, headed to Florida to visit my family, participate in a Down Syndrome fundraising event, vote for Obama, and be the "best man" at my old friend, Kev-O's, wedding. Kev-O decided to get sober long before I did, and he's been a crucial supporter for me over the last seven months.

Speaking of crucial support, I've got to thank you all, and apologize for letting so much time pass without writing anything on here. I reached a point where I felt that my thinking was so damaged that I had nothing worthwhile to offer, so I decided to take a good, long break from writing crazy messages. Thank you all for sticking with me for so long.

A few months ago, I received a piece of mail, in our mailbox at jackassworld, from a parole officer/therapist lady in the juvenile prison system. Her name is Miss Em, and her letter was something I really needed to read. It said that she followed my progress in sobriety/recovery and shared stuff about it with "her kids". She told me that I was an inspiration and asked me to write a letter to these kids who are locked up. I was so happy to read what she wrote, I got to writing to her kids right away.

The next piece of mail I received from Miss Em said that she gave my letter to one specific kid named Troy, and that it was on his wall in his cell. Troy is fifteen years old and he is going to be in prison until he is 28. Although Miss Em never expected to become emotionally attached to convicts of any age, she found that it was impossible not to. In Troy, especially, she saw a kid that got screwed over every step of the way throughout his life, did some truly horrible things, but had innocence and vulnerability inside of him that compelled her to do everything she could to help him. Included in that large envelope from Miss Em was a letter from Troy himself. I will openly admit, both of these letters made me cry. I was completely sobbing while reading them.

My next response was by e-mail and it started a correspondence between Troy, Miss Em, and myself that has made us all very close. Now, this is going to get crazy. In one of the first e-mails I got from Troy (via Miss Em's e-mail address), he described something that blew me away. I can only do justice to the genuineness of his words by sharing some of them:

…if i told you i remember being born would you think i was crazy. i remember floating above the room watching my mom deliver me. thats how i know what she looks like. you know how they say when you hear or smell something it brings you back to a memory, well when i hear leg shackels it brings be to that moment. i can hear them i dont see them but i hear her arms and legs shackled to the bed and i see the officers surrounding her and the doctors grabbing me and then suddenly i remember opening my eyes and looking up some ladys nose and thats it. its the same thing every time. no change no differences. i was floating out of my body and i did some research on this in class one day and i guess some doctors have done experiments about it and they place objects ontop of cabinets and shit and when people or kids say they remember seeing the surgery then they ask what else did you see and they would say theres was a photo of a horse or a book or wht ever and they would know that the only way they could see it is if they were out of their body. i love shit like this cuz i believe in it. it happened to me. no one had to tell me i was born in prison. i new it. …

I received this e-mail from Troy AFTER I had already decided to send him these cds I bought online (because of MySpace messages from you guys about astral projection) that are for "support of out-of-body experiences". Miss Em got him special permission to have a cd player in his cell, and he's been trying his ass off to deliberately float out of his body every since he received my first package. Well, something happened just over two weeks ago that stopped him from "practicing".

Troy got attacked by three other juveniles, and all three had weapons. His face and neck were lacerated, to the tune of 50+ staples and stitches. One of his eyes was also lacerated, and blinded. His brain was bleeding and swelling, requiring him to have an operation to put in a shunt to relieve the pressure. He was also stabbed, receiving three-inch deep wounds in both of his sides (his attackers were attempting to stab his kidneys, but, luckily, they failed).

Miss Em has kept me posted on Troy's condition and, in one e-mail titled "HE"S AWAKE!!!" she wrote this to me, and my ex-con/rehab buddy, Mike:

…This morning I received your package and I must say, you two brought tears to my eyes. Troy was so excited, gosh, I wish you could see his face. I started reading the book to him and while reading about the death of Micky's father Troy says, "it happened again". Troy had several experiences and though one could consider them coincidental, I believe they were out of body. Troy's head is completely bandaged and he said to me, "why did you give me a Mohawk?" We of coarse joked and denied any knowledge, but he insisted that he watched the doctors shave his head and explained the entire process of implanting the shunt! He said that he was standing beside himself watching and that he was able to say to himself that there was nothing to fear, he was just stepping out to watch what was happening to him, and he would be woken shortly when the procedure was over. What is your take on that? Now Ruben, Pat and I talked in great detail after hearing this and of coarse he could of heard us talking while in the "coma" state about the hair cut but how do you explain the surgery. I have to say, I was a little spooked. Troy went to sleep again and the things he talks about comes out in bits and pieces, if you know what I mean. He then says to Pat hours later that he was with you bike riding and something about water? So of coarse Pat asked if he was actually riding a bike or swimming and he said "no". He was just watching you and either you were riding a bike on a trail or near water? Ring any bells? Do you even own a bike? Do you even live or go near water?...

I immediately responded with this:

Em,
I haven't owned a car since April of 2002, when I "let the tow yard keep it". My only way to get around on my own is on my bicycle. Mike doesn't have one, but he's always borrowing one so that we can go on rides- we claim to have our own bicycle gang and that we are terribly intimidating to the very streets themselves. Last Saturday was the day that I woke up to your e-mail about Troy's "little scuffle". It was raining out, and that is quite rare here in sunny Southern California- which is why they make movies here. As soon as I read that disturbing mail about Troy getting cut and stabbed, I shared it with Mike and we set out to jump in the car to come see him. Of course, once we talked to you, that plan was off. The very next thing we did, after I shaved my head real quick, was take to the streets on our bicycles in the rain. We rode to the bookstore and bought the two copies of that book, then we rode to the Edible Arrangements store to pick out Troy's fruit arrangement. The whole time, we were freezing our asses of because we had on just t-shirts and it was raining. The streets were soaking wet and we were on bicycles riding around getting stuff for Troy. How's that for water and bicycles?

As for the surgery story, that seems to prove itself true. I don't find that spooky at all, I think it's great that Troy was able to hear his Higher Self tell him not to be afraid. The mohawk story is great, too, I love that his head is covered and he knows that he has a mohawk. If he says that he watched them do that, too, I believe it- easy.
I'm so glad Troy is doing well, if you're reading this whole e-mail to him (and I hope you are), let me tell him this: Hey bro, next time you pay me a visit, let me know you're with me. And try not to drop by when I'm jerking off or taking a crap! I'm really glad to hear these awesome stories, keep 'em coming, brother! Love,
Steve

Something that has helped me a great deal in battling my addiction to drugs and alcohol is researching OBEs (Out of Body Experiences), NDEs (Near Death Experiences), and cases of people remembering past lives (reincarnation). When I first saw footage of families talking about how their infants (generally starting around the age of two) spoke of past lives and provided specific details which, when checked out, all proved to be true- it became extremely easy to for me to accept reincarnation as reality. It's really hard to catch little kids bullshitting you. When I found out that millions of people have reported NDEs, and how generally similar their accounts are, I came to believe that evidence of the afterlife is indisputable. People have been able to accurately describe events that happened around their body while they were clinically dead, when machines registered no brain activity, after they were revived.

I have no difficulty believing Troy's stories, and my relationship with him and Miss Em has helped me in my recovery so much, I can't thank them enough. It's almost unbelievable to me that Troy has made it through everything that's happened to him and is back again to reading and writing e-mails to me. What a badass. Thanks to Miss Em and Troy for letting me share their stories and words.

I love you all,

Steve-O