Andrew and I are moving our "Fighting Ungers" sports comedy radio show to a bigger station- FOX AM1370 .  We truly will miss WNST and the many great people there.  However there's one person, in particular, we won't miss.  Below is the text of an email I sent this morning in response to an email from the brand new Vice President of Sales and Ops for WNST.   Needless to say, I'm not expecting him to send me a good luck card anytime soon. 

First, his email to my brother and myself...

Marc & Andrew -

My understanding is that prizes were awarded for several weekends during your show, but no fulfillment has occurred.  Who is handling the prize fulfillment?  People have been calling to say that they haven't received their prizes.

More importantly, your prizes have been from Mike Doughboys and other non-sponsors of our company.  This practice needs to stop immediately, and all prizes should go through Emily to guarantee that we have the proper partners on your show.

Thanks,

(name withheld)
WNST Sports Media
VP of Sales & Ops

And my response...

Sorry... Not sure who you are...

Oh wait... You're the guy who ran that children's "Highlights" magazine that's been trying to pass itself off as a newspaper for 20 and 30 somethings, right? (REFERENCE TO "B"- a new free daily put out by the Baltimore Sun)

The guy who now gets paid a huge salary at WNST to make the tough decisions... like moving the microwave into the hallway. That was a subtle stroke of genius and I think the station is better for it...

Oh, and whoever decided to put that table in the front room should certainly get a raise. And don't get me started about rearranging the office supplies because that's "Fortune 500" CEO stuff right there.

Might I suggest that if you really wanted to improve the station's aesthetic appeal you could've settled for $10,000 less in salary and that money could've been used to pave the parking lot.  Not sure if you've noticed but when it rains, the driveway tends to get a bit "soupy".  I doubt that goes along with the sleek, corporate makeover you're hoping to give the place.  (Remind me to tell you about the port-a-potties we all had to use last winter.)

Seriously...

You have done more to help steer WNST in a new direction than Nestor could possibly imagine. Unfortunately, that direction is straight into the path of an oncoming train. .

Kidding!

You've done a heck of a job really and I'm sure your labors will bear fruit over the next few months. It's a shame that that fruit will be crab apples which really aren't particularly tasty except perhaps in a pie. Speaking of pies, is "Dangerously Delicious" still a sponsor? Because, as per your email, andrew and  I plan to give away a Boston Creme as second place.

By the way, I see that not only are you Vice President of Sales but have also been named Vice President of, um, OPS, is it? Congratulations. I assume your first operation was to make yourself detestable to everyone who comes in contact with you. To that I say (paraphrasing one of your idols I'm sure) "Mission Accomplished!"

If it's possible maybe you, me and Andrew could get together on Wednesday and have a pointless meeting to sort all this out. I've noticed you're great at those. Although I haven't actually been to one since the first time I got a whiff of you across the table.

Oops,  I just remembered, we can't do a meeting on Wednesday. Forgot... We're quitting TODAY..

Effective immediately Andrew and I are no longer a part of the station. It's a shame actually because we really enjoyed working there, admire many of the people we've met and have made some good friends. On some level there really was a sense of family. We hold no animosity towards the station, recognize the help that was offered to us and truly wish success for everyone. Not to mention we had a lot of listeners who liked what we did and we'll miss them as well.  And, of course we had some listeners who hated us. Andrew in particular was never able to handle the fact that some people just didn't like him. As someone who has dealt with that his whole life maybe you could set up a meeting with Andrew to discuss various coping mechanisms.

Thanks for everything. You coach tennis or something, right? Cool. I'll call you when I need help with my backhand. .

PS- I'll bet right now you're making that "angry face" that no one really gives a shit about.

PPS- I'm sure you went to a great  college and everything but, FYI, writing phrases like "This practice NEEDS to stop immediately" is a terribly ineffective way of communicating.   You might've considered a polite phone call to ask what's been going on.  I could've easily explained the problem and we could've straightened it out.  Clearly you're not nearly as well versed in managing a staff and communication as you are at moving furniture from one corner to another and back again. 

PPPS- To respond more directly to your email, Josh handles the prizes and, according to him, was all caught up through two shows ago. Anyone who's calling now is either: A) a third place finisher. Because, you see, Mike's Doughboy provided the third place prize and mailed them out himself. Unfortunately, due to a severe break in the chain of communication (which seems to trace back precisely to the day you arrived), I'm ONLY NOW FINDING OUT HE ISN'T A SPONSOR OF THE STATION ANYMORE. B) Someone who was simply overlooked (doubtful) or C) A liar (more likely).
The other prizes we give out are for trade deals with the Bowman and Zen West. The Bowman provides prizes as part of their deal and Zen West gave the station a ton of trade and some cash over the past year but now only gives gift certificates. Btw, do you know anything about our horse race? We would've been more than happy to add other station sponsors to the list of prizes we give away but no one seemed willing or able to take stuff like that to sponsors outside of our show. Shame really because, believe it or not, I'll bet if you polled listeners and sponsors and asked them which WNST feature was more popular- "The Fighting Ungers Horse Race" or "Crabs and Beer"- the horse race would win by 40 lengths....that's horse race talk. 

THANKS.
MARC UNGER
WNST SPORTS MEDIA FORMER EMPLOYEE