(posted really on june 27th 2005)
This past Friday, on my usually dreadul commute to my always dreadful job was simply delightful. I was riding on the F train reading the post when a evangelical man enters the subway car where I sat. Clutching a bible with his paw, he starts his sermon and collectively all the passengers roll their eyes and sigh at the disruption that he causes.

"Ladies and Gentleman, we need to be more considerate human beings. Jesus helps each and everyone of us be more considerate of one another. Perhaps if we more considerate by nature, Jesus would not be so neccesary. Jesus is as necessary today in our lives more than any other time before in history."

I am trying to read my paper and so I asked the man at the same volume that he preached to be more considerate of his fellow man and to stop his preaching. He continued on louder than before and I am surprised that all the passengers rolling their eyes didnt derail the F train. He was very annoying and persistant.

He continues, (I don't recall what he said from this point forward b/c I was trying to tune him out, so I will paraphrase and take some liberties) " I believe it was in genesis, that matthew 3:14 says to hansel and gretal that America is for chimps and tacos are delicious with guacamole and love". (again.. just paraprashing)

Again, I shout... please shut up. You preach respect and your so thoughtless and hypocritical. Right then, a homeless man comes on the train and starts his lament on the opposite side of the train. I close my mouth and lean back. As the down trodden man looks for charity, the preacher ignores "his fellow man" and competes for attention by speaking louder and louder. The down trodden man is totally ignored by the crazy christian (alliteration and often times redundancy). At the next stop the man asking for a handout leaves my subway car and the sermon continues.

I look down and I am reading a review for George Romero's Land of the Dead that had come to theaters that day. I was annoyed and so I declared to the rest of the train, " Hey everyone Georege Romero's Land of the DEAD came out today and there is a review. I am going to read this to everyone." I did. It was a half page article and it probably took me a minute to two to read the article. The preacher once again is getting louder with his routine to get the most attention. I get louder with the review of dawn of dead to piss him off and to entertain the rest of the passengers. As the man with the bible, he shouts about Jesus, as the man with the Post, I shout about zombies.

"Jesus says..."
"Zombies overtake a village"

Jesus
Zombies

As we competed with volume and a fervor to both prove a point, I guess we struck a chord. I finished and looked up. I got a round of applause from laughing people all around the subway car. "I've never seen anyone talk back to this crazy bastards" an old woman said to me.

Next the crazy man starts speaking in tongues. I black out. Ok, no blackout, just a better way to end the story. The end.