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I am 43 years old, and suffered through teenage depression back when it wasn't even 'recognized'. I was called 'spoiled', 'shy', 'disruptive', 'talkative', 'quiet' (yeah, go figure..lol..) and so many other labels I felt like my own dictionary. The days of solitude, crying in my room -- but not knowing WHY???, what did I have to feel so desperately empty about, so lost inside, and like a fake on the outside?
There were no "up" days for me. I was either really down, or what I called 'flat line'...just existing. I became a 'cutter' for awhile, just to "feel"...that got me labeled as an "attention getter".
It wasn't until I was 16, and the Time magazine report on Prozac came out. OH MY GOD...there it was...ME. I wasn't the only one on the planet that felt this way!! I rode my bike to the doctor, walked into his office (suddenly bold, so unlike me.. lol!) and said, "I want this, or I die today." He knew I meant it. I had one suicide attempt already so, it was no idle threat.
I remember to this day, waking up two weeks into the Prozac therapy....the world was clear, as if someone had outlined it in black crayon!! I could feel the water when I showered. I used to have it so hot, I'd get out with bright red skin every time, and my mother swore I was burning myself. I might have been, I just didn't feel it, until that day. Suddenly, food had flavor, I could hear the leaves in the trees....it was as if I had been released from a sound proof, feel-proof box. I knew at that point I needed to start therapy...and I did. I had to learn how to deal with this illness, to learn all I could about it. It took awhile, to learn how to become "who I truly was", and to not expect the medication to handle everything for me.
In time, I finished school, with better grades than I ever imagined, and went on to a nursing career... later on leaving that to go into medical research of brain chemistry, because if there is ever going to be a 'cure' for depression...that's where it will be, and I want to be part of it!
My advice to teens suffering with depression is to NOT SUFFER IN SILENCE!! There is so much stigma attached to depression, and medication, that many feel that if they just ignore'it, it will go away. It won't. If your parents tell you that this is "just a phase you're going through", tell someone else -- a guidance counselor at school, a trusted friends parents, or call a local help hotline. Don't give up. You deserve to be treated, and you deserve to feel better! This is an illness, and just as if you were diabetic, you need to see a doctor and be treated.
Don't expect instant results. As well as any medication you may be prescribed, recovery is also going to take work on your part. Be honest with your therapist about what you're feeling. You cant be helped if you hold back. If you're angry, happy, sad, or suicidal, you HAVE TO SAY SO. Acknowledge your illness, name it if you want to, I know many that have, as a way of dealing with it. "Fred's here today" was a way of saying I'm having a really bad day... it sounds sort of crazy, but for some, seperating the illness from yourself, gives you a bit more control over it.
- Ellen, 43
1:44 PM
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