Let's see… I've never really took much thought on how to start one of these off. Well, my name is Victoria, I'm 21 years old and I live in Los Angeles. My torment started at the age of 4. I was abused by two very close people in my family. From there my life kept going down. I never realized my own self-worth. Depression, drugs, and alcohol had sadly become the only friends in my life. I was 13 when I began cutting myself. All my life, I'd always felt empty, hollow, like something was missing – as if there was something I should have been born with but wasn't. I honestly never knew that something was horribly wrong with me. I assumed that everyone cried themselves to sleep, everyone needed drugs and alcohol just to feel something to be reminded they are ALIVE. At times I lost hope, because I didn't see there was a choice. I figured I hate my life, and everyone hates me; I have no reason to be alive; pain is my constant friend; I can't take these feelings of numbness anymore. I left my house; I just walked and walked until my legs hurt. I shed so many tears that my face was as empty as my soul.
Even though I have been lied to, cheated on, hit, drunk, and high off my ass, I refuse to let my suffering define who I am and who I will one day become. I woke up one day – I am honestly not sure when. I wish I could say I had some huge epiphany and my life changed forever, but it didn't happen that way for me. I just woke up and felt as though I was reborn. My life is nowhere near perfect. I am a single mom who dropped out of high school to raise my children. One day I hope to be a therapist. But at this point in my life I am not sure if I truly believe in recovery. What I do believe in is nothing lasts forever – not even pain, and tears, and depression and agony and isolation. I was severely depressed most of my childhood and teenage years. I feel I lost most of my life but I am grateful to regain it little by little each day. I now have 2 beautiful children that I cherish with all of my heart. I credit them of rescuing me when I was drowning in this chaotic ocean we call life. Life does get better with time and nothing happens over night. There are people that love you even if you can't see it. Things do change even if you don't notice them changing… always remember that life is a journey, filled with pain and misery and great misfortunes – but there is also great happiness , and love, truth, and wisdom to be discovered. I never lost faith and I continue every single day of my life to fight back and not let the demons of my past control my future happiness.