Haul out the holly and drive it through your heart, because it's time again for the annual HOLIDAY FILM REVIEW, featuring HollywoodChicago.com's newest film critic sensation Pat M. (moi) and the infamous Movie Wag Ken C. As in previous years, our reviews will be transcribed from actual conversation (PM for me, MW for the Wag), such as this preliminary exchange...

PM: We are here, at what restaurant, Ken?

MW: The Mill Rose Brewery.

PM: The Relmose Boowery...Brewery, man I've only had one sip of my holiday martini. Anyway, I'm here with the Movie Wag, Ken C.

MW: The official Movie Wag.

PM: Not to be imitated or duplicated.

The format of the conversations will be divided into COMMENTARY, FAVORITE MOMENTS and THE RATING, which instead of 1-4 stars will be 1-4 CHRISTMAS BELLS. That coincides with the ringing in my head. When the Wag gets off a good one, there will be the opportunity to experience a MOVIE WAGISM. Each film will be linked (by clicking on the title) to its Internet Movie Data Base page, for more information.

It's time to get this party started...


HOLIDAY FILM NUMBER ONE: Love Actually (2003)

COMMENTARY - PM: I always like to pick a modern film, just to see where the film industry is going with the Christmas zeitgeist, and this is one of my favorites, I have to say.

MW: We actually saw it at the theater when it first came out, and what drew us to it was the large ensemble cast. I tend to like films that have a good, solid ensemble cast. And generally in these type of films, the writing has to be good, because of several stories that are juggled.

Secondly, it was British. Anything British I'm a sucker for.

PM: I missed it the theater, and regret that, but I don't think the film was marketed correctly. I thought they should have played up the Christmas angle more, because it's set six weeks before Christmas through Christmas Eve, and the fact that it is a brilliantly written film.

MW: It's subtle in so many ways. Like the opening sequence of people arriving and hugging at the airport. We've all become so cynical about life in general, so when you see that opening sequence, where people are embracing each other, it gives you a sense of what humans are all about. And that re-establishes it, and the film takes off from there.

FAVORITE MOMENTS - PM: It's hard to ignore the Bill Nighy aging rock star, Billy Mack, that seems in a separate category all its own. Among the love stories, the Portugese one still got me this time again. Just because, in this film, in all the stories, everyone takes a risk. Everyone takes a risk to get to whatever end is going to come of their "love." So in the Portugese story, it was the most interesting risk taken. Because Colin Firth's character simply said, "a man's gotta do what a man's gotta do."

In Firth's beautiful speech in the end, it was highly comic, a European type comic sensibility.

MW: Yes, because the whole village follows him to the restaurant where she worked, and the father basically wanting to unload her to a Brit.

I particularly liked the porno couple part (ED NOTE: in the commentary of the film, the director said it was a mainstream film with a sex scene. The couple were playing stands-in for the film, mostly in the nude.).
That was hysterical, because it was so mechanical.

PM: It's a great comic piece because they are talking about the most mundane things, like the traffic, while their private parts are in each other's faces.

MW: I also liked the Liam Neeson part with his little boy, who is really his stepson. When the boy confesses a strong unrequited love, Neeson essentially says, "You're f**ked." Again, this goes back to the European feeling of the film, which isn't hung up on language and doesn't mince words.

THE RATING - MW: It has comedy, it has pathos and it highlights childhood innocence. Can there be anything more? 4 BELLS

PM: I think this is one of the ultimate Christmas movies, it builds to that impact of love that is brilliant about the season. One of my favorite films. 4 BELLS

MOVIE WAGISM - It's a word, you're "f**ked."


HOLIDAY FILM NUMBER TWO: Mister Magoo's Christmas Carol (1962)

COMMENTARY - PM: Every year, Ken, we do a version of Charles Dickens immortal 'Christmas Carol' and this year I chose Mister Magoo's Christmas Carol, which was made in 1962! Do you remember it as a kid?

MW: Yes, I absolutely do. These were very special back them, because before videos and DVDs, we watched it as a family.

In the cartoon, it's presented as if Magoo is starring on Broadway as Scrooge. It opens with him, I believe, driving the wrong way down Broadway to the theater. It might be the reason I like Broadway shows, because it was this flashy Broadway opening. And the nearly blind Magoo was a classic funny character.

The music is great, beautifully written.

PM: It's the same composers, Bob Merrill and Jules Styne, who did 'Funny Girl.' The famous song 'People' was supposed to be in Mr. Magoo's Christmas Carol.

MW: The voice of Bob Crachit is Jack Cassidy, David Cassidy's father, Shirley Jones husband at the time. My brother, sister and I would sing along with Crachit's main song with his family. We would clap when they clapped and sing along.

FAVORITE MOMENTS - MW: The core of the story is of a man who had a bad childhood and a broken engagement, and that is so much deeper than most people get out of it.

PM: It's a cartoon.

MW: It just says you don't necessarily have to contribute a lot of money to make a difference, its the way you treat people in general. I particularly like the scene where some kid carolers come to Scrooge Magoo's door, and when he slams the door in their faces, one of the kids just stands there, hurt. He actually pitied Scrooge.

PM: You love this cartoon. There is a bizarre look to some of the proceedings. The animation is "paintery," if I can use that term, they do almost an Impressionistic Art look to it.

The song "La, La, La La La La La is awesome. It even has roots in the original Dickens story. The song from Scrooge's fiancee, though, after she dumps him, grinds the show to a halt.

MW: I love that melody. (Sings) Winter was born...

THE RATING - MW: 4 BELLS. I never lost touch with the show and still watch it every year with as much anticipation.

PM: I'm going to go 3 BELLS, again because of halt in the middle.

MW (imitating Magoo): You're crazy.

MOVIE WAGISM - They probably drank, you know they smoked, when they did the voices. "MaScrooge, you've done it again."


HOLIDAY FILM NUMBER THREE: Holiday Inn (1942)

COMMENTARY - PM: I had never seen this film, Ken, until I watched it two weeks ago. I put it on the list because of our mutual friend, Fred C., who we worked with for a long time, kept chiding me for my love of the film 'White Christmas.' "The better film is Holiday Inn," he would always say. "You have to see Holiday Inn." That is why we're reviewing the film. Indeed.

MW: I know you have certain feelings about this film, having read your earlier review. But I look in the context of when it was done, in the early 1940s.

I just got this on DVD, and it was a pristine print, in glorious black and white. In the '30's and '40's, even the credits were an art form. This had a Vermont sign like an inn.

FAVORITE MOMENTS - MW: The thing I like most about this film is the performances of Fred Astaire and Bing Crosby. To me, there will never be the likes of these guys again. They were totally original.

Especially Fred Astaire. He was perfect in every way. The way he wore clothes, never a hair out of place.

PM: That's because it was artificial hair. With Bing and Fred, it was toupee vs. toupee.

MW: Astaire is the protagonist in this picture, but he still does it with style, especially in the dance numbers.

PM: 'The Firecracker Dance' was probably one of his best on film.

MW: Marjorie Reynolds was Bing's co-star, absolutely beautiful. She is one of those old time stars where I think, "I wonder what she looks like naked?" You never think of those old time stars in those terms, but in her case I made an exception.

PM: Thanks for altering my vision of the sentimental Christmas movie.

I think a premiere of a popular song in a film is a special moment, and the song 'White Christmas' is just perfect. It gave me a "wow."

Would you put this in the category of Christmas movie?

MW: No, it's a holiday movie. If you like 4th of July there's a 4th of July sequence, if you really love's Lincoln's birthday...

PM: We'll look at that soon. The film was brought down a bit with too much dancing. There are two sequences back to back that drag it out.

MW: Fred Astaire's singing voice was underrated. Cole Porter said he was one of the best interpreters of his songs.

Okay, back to the Lincoln sequence. Bing and Majorie Reynolds perform the Lincoln song in black face.

PM: Yes, in black face! You personally have to watch that sequence and judge it based on your sensibility, and my sensibility at this time is I don't want to see anyone in black face. And, having not ever seen the film, and seeing that scene, it was like a wrench in the friggin' machine.

Unfortunately, it ruined the film for me. But for everyone else, judge it on your own.

MW: Maybe you can fast forward through it next time.

PM: Nah, I probably will never see it again.

THE RATING - MW: I'm going to give it 3 BELLS. Everyone in it was so good it didn't seem like they were acting.

PM: 2-1/2 BELLS. I give it my barest recommendation for the great sequences and White Christmas, but please fast forward through the black face scene.

MOVIE WAGISM - Like the bell in 'It's a Wonderful Life,' anytime Crosby wore a hat, you knew he was sans toupee. Come over to Holiday Inn about 8 o'clock when he stops beating his kids.


HOLIDAY FILM NUMBER FOUR: The Lemon Drop Kid (1951)

COMMENTARY - PM: The Lemon Drop Kid is with one of your favorites, Bob "Ol' Ski Nose" Hope.

MW (Doing his perfect Bob Hope impression): How 'bout that Hope?

The film started strong, with again the opening credits being great and Christmasy. And in every Bob Hope film, Bob Hope plays Bob Hope. Sometimes good, sometimes bad.

PM: It's based on a Damon Runyon short story. His stories were the basis for the musical play 'Guys and Dolls.' So everyone in the movie talked like they were in the play.

Basically, Bob as the Lemon Drop Kid owes a mobster in Miami 10 thousand bucks...

MW: The bigger the cigar smoked, the more powerful the mobster.

PM: The mobster tells Hope that he has until Christmas Eve to come up with the money or he'll kill him. Bob then comes up with a scheme to pay it back by setting up a fake old folks home and taking in donations during Christmastime in wintry New York City.

FAVORITE MOMENTS - MW: The beginning of the film was great for me, it had Ma Joad from 'Grapes of Wrath' in it, the legendary Jane Darwell.

She's visibly older in this film, looking like a man.

PM (naturally doing this imitation): "It's a man, baby." Thank you, that was my done to death Austin Powers reference.

MW: I loved how they embraced the character actors like Darwell, they got to keep working no matter how old they got.

But it seemed too rushed toward the ending. The fight sequence with Lloyd Nolan was horrible...although dudes wrestling, and looking like they're making out, usually makes me laugh.

PM: What about the mannequin sequence, wasn't that pretty racy for the time?

MW: Yeah, the mannequin is buck naked, in a Barbie doll way.

PM: I was totally absorbed. I thought this was the undiscovered Christmas classic that people can put into their library to counter the usual sentimental goo.

MW: This time of year, I need the sentimental goo.

PM: It's highly comic, it works for me. Plus it has the premiere of the Christmas song classic, 'Silver Bells' by Hope and co-star Marilyn Maxwell. I don't think it has been done better.

THE RATING - MW: For the opening part and Silver Bells, I will give it 2-1/2 BELLS.

PM: And I'm giving it 3-1/2 BELLS, the new family classic, take it from me, baby.

MOVIE WAGISM - The Lemon Drop Kid, it kinda left me with a sour taste.


HOLIDAY FILM NUMBER FIVE: Santa Claus Conquers the Martians (1964)

COMMENTARY - PM: Ken, you have notes.

MW: Pat always picks at least one movie a year that is not only hard to get, but in this case when I got it I still didn't get it.

I knew I was in trouble from the opening credits, when you have a stellar cast like Leonard Hicks, Donna Confordi and John Call as Santa Claus. And Pia Zadora as a Martian child, who was the only actor I recognized.

PM: This came out of the schlock era of Hollywood, which began in the drive-in era of the 1950s to about the mid-to-late '60s. It's a "B" movie that has developed a cult following because it is so f-ing bizarre.

MW: This had opening credits that rivaled 'Gone With the Wind...' in length. I was amazed on how many people really wanted to take credit for this schlocky production.

PM: These were for the kids of our era (the '60s), this was a typical matinee showing for then.

FAVORITE MOMENTS - PM: What I loved about this film, is that it was so unapologetic as far as what it is trying to convey, which was how great it is on earth in 1964 to have Christmas. And in this case I swear the Martians were the Russians. Because there is so much stock footage of the military. It was like a recruitment film.

MW: Yeah, every so often they just cut away to missiles being launched. Did the federal government subsidize this film?

This was an Ed Wood-type film. I was waiting for Bela Lugosi.

PM: The Martian uniforms were so tight, it left nothing to the imagination.

MW: These were probably summer stock actors thrilled to be in a film. The main Martian sounded like Charlton Heston.

PM: "Get your hands off me, you damn dirty Santa."

MW: Five minutes into the film, I felt like I'd been watching it for a half hour. I was that uncomfortable.

I thought one of the Martians looked like Saddam Hussein. Why should a Martian have that much facial hair?

The polar bear sequence was weird. I think the two kids, Billy and Betty, had sexual tension.

PM: Santa was kinda crazy. He never said "ho, ho, ho" but just laughed maniacally like he was a lunatic.

There was also somewhat of a dichotomy in the film. On one hand they celebrated the military industrial complex, on the other Santa hated technology for making toys.

MW: Santa never seemed worried that he was kidnapped. My question became, how messed up were the guys that came up with this?

I might of like it better if they put a little more effort in depicting the Martians, because they seemed no different than earthlings.

PM: They had green faces.

MW: They didn't seem green, the color seemed to change.

PM: Even on DVD, the print was horrible.

THE RATING - MW: I give it ONE BELL.

PM: 3-1/2 BELLS everybody, I love it! Watch it every year.

MOVIE WAGISM - I was waiting to see the outtakes, but then I realized the whole film was an outtake.


PM: So that's it for our 2007 Holiday Film review. Happy Holidays everybody, we'll be back next year. Movie Wag, do you have anything to add?

MW: The Sleigh is closed.