Back when I used to go out HUNTING [that's my word for "picking up women"],
this is exactly what I used to think when I'd meet women of a particular zodiac sign.

PISCES - "I can't mess with anybody that's the same sign as my mother.
Sooner or later, she's gonna do sumthin' that reminds me of my mom.
By dating her, it'd sorta be like having an Oedipus complex".

ARIES - "She's got my kinda sex drive, but can we get along outside the bedroom????
The GOOD thing is that she likes big johnsons, nasty sex, & having her hair pulled.
But, here's the problem....
one minute,  she's a blowjob queen----the next minute,  she's a drama queen"!!!! 

TAURUS - "Yessssssssssss, this is my kinda woman!!!!  She's made fellatio into an art form.
You've gotta love a busty chick whose erogenous zone is her throat (hint, hint).
But, somewhere beneath that sweet, caring, loyal, & romantic exterior
is a woman that's more stubborn than George Bush insisting on fighting his War In Iraq".

GEMINI - "She'll make a GREAT friend.  She makes great conversation & is a comedian.
Unfortunately, I must admit that I'm too jealous, impatient, & possessive for us to last".

CANCER - "I might be too straight-forward & direct, for her.
Things always seem to be going well in the beginning with this one....
but, somewhere along the line, the chemistry DOESN'T quite live up to the billing.
Eventually, I'm gonna come to the realization that she's impossible for me to read.
When I think that they wanna badboy, they always end up wanting sumthin' more from me
& whenever I've thought that they wanted a niceguy----they've only wanted to fuck".

LEO - "Can I tolerate a female version of myself, is the question????
I seriously doubt it, even though every lovemaking session would be like a XXX movie".

VIRGO - "Sooner or later, she'll mention the fact that she's gotta boyfriend who
treats her like garbage....
but, until that happens, I'll just have to be content with being her sex toy & 
doing everything that he's not.  BTW - when it happens, please DON'T be the dummy
who tells himself that she'll leave her dickhead boyfriend simply b-cuz ya treat her better.
This ISN'T the kinda girl who jumps ship----she's NOT known to take risks, like that.
You know how it is with SOME girls----they'd rather stay with what's FAMILIAR to them &
tell you that it's b-cuz 'THEY'VE GOT SECURITY' with their asshole boyfriend.
As long as he's fucking up though, you'll always be a candidate for HER next booty call &
her 1st choice if she ever gets the guts to tell her boyfriend that she wants him to fulfill
her fantasy of being fucked by 2 guys @ once".

LIBRA - "Yes, she's a nice girl----but, she requires too much courtship for my patience.
Other guys might be willing to wait forever, just for her to come around & settle down....
but, I'm NOT into competing with ANY woman's handfull of OTHER suitors.
Who's to say that all of my efforts will result in a happy ending, anyway????
Shit, I'm taking a HUGE risk that she'll label me as a FRIEND & if that happens, I'm finished.
She'd be busy trying to make up her mind, while these other women would snag me".

SCORPIO - "As soon as she gives me THE SIGNAL, then I'm gonna slowly whisper
dirty words in her ear & when I'm finished, she'll feel like the sexiest woman alive.
She's coming off like this nice, wholesome girl....   but, she's a sexpot underneath it all.
You don't really have to take it slow with this one.  If she likes you, then you're in there.
DON'T be like these idiotic men that're hellbent on NOT saying how they feel.
She's the kinda woman that appreciates a straight-forward, no bullshit kinda guy".

SAGITTARIUS - "Cool chick, but she's ALWAYS gonnabe out & about.
Instead of wasting my energy on chasing her [like she insists on making every guy do],
I'd rather conserve that energy for use in the bedroom".

CAPRICORN - "This has serious potential for developing into a romance over time....
so, if you're afraid of any kinda commitment, then you'd better quit while you can.
Be careful----with these hot girls, there's a 50 hance that she's a golddigger.
Also, DON'T be fooled by the innocent, conservative exterior that she shows the world....
this honey has a reputation for having the BIGGEST sex drive in the whole zodiac
[& yes, that includes Scorpio women, buddy]".

AQUARIUS - "Respect her independence & DON'T make any demands.
When she wants a relationship, then she'll let you know.
Very FEW of these women are looking for a conventional relationship or marriage....
she's perfect if you're the kinda guy that's into orgies, threesomes, sharing your wife, &
watching your lover get fucked by other men.  She likes her sex nasty & relishes a facial.
So, feel free to say that you wanna take her home & suck her sexy toes.
And remember the magic words: I'm too busy for a relationship, right now....
I just wanna KICK IT with somebody, be FRIENDS, & have no ties".