I had a roommate that'd gotten a girl's phone number & she told him to call her to setup a date [on the night that he met her].

For about a month, he UNSUCCESSFULLY tried to call the girl.  Almost every night, he'd call & would leave a message for her.  But, she NEVER called him back.  And on the nights that she would pickup the phone, she'd always tell him, "I'm busy right now, can I call you back".

Finally, he got to the point where he asked me & Joe what he should do about her.

I said, "Man, you've been calling her for a month & you STILL HAVEN'T gone on a date.  You HAVEN'T even gotten to the point where you've been able to talk to her on the phone WITHOUT her asking to call you back.  Why are you even thinking about this girl????  Shit, just forget about her".

He was like, "I dunno man, whenever I call she's always too busy to talk & I understand how that is".

And that's when Joe said, "Yo, NOBODY's that busy!!!!  If she hasn't called you back by now, then you just need to move on".

But, NOOOOOO....   he didn't listen.  He just kept calling, b-cuz he DIDN'T wanna believe that she really wasn't interested in him.  And when it was all said & done, he got nowhere with her. 

I guess since my horrible divorce and just bad relationships in general, I seem to fall on the side of the man anymore, Im definitily not over emotional, I dont worry what is gonna go on tomorrow. If i go on a date, I have a good time for the moment, and dont sweat it the next.  Thats not always a good thing for me but its just the way my life experiences have made me...

I definitly hate a man with no backbone, dont want one that will cry and sobb over everything. I want a strong man with a strong backbone that is everything a man should be...not some pussy that I can walk all over.. If a man calls me constantly I loose interest...if they want to be with me constant..I run! lol

but anyways E...great blog!!! I know your readers will have something to say about this topic.

Agreed.

I'm not really good @ bullshitting.

Even though you'll hurt LESS people by telling them whatever they wanna hear....   bullshitting gets me into ahelluvalot more trouble, than being blunt.  So, I learned a long time ago that it's best to be honest about things [even if somebody's gonna hate you for being this way].

How do you know whether you're ready to trade in your player card after one date?  Is this a first date?  The player card is hard to earn.  Giving it up is a difficult decision not to be taken lightly.  Especially when you have Platinum Plus Player Card like me! 

I am the over-analyzing woman that needs to know how the world rotates... With that, I am very honest and up front.. I don't lie when men ask me about my personal life. When a man wants to exchange numbers I will give it to him  but I wont call him. This is the first comment that comes out of my mouth when he asks..I wil text once in awhile but i will not call Why? I had to many men sit there and tell me they would call, I dont hear from them, I try calling I get an answering machine..I feel that if a man is interested he will call me. I am not trying to chase anyone down. Yet, all of the men I have numbers for do call at least twice a month. Whether for conversation or to hang out..

This is the first year in my life that I have "dated' or "playing the field".  Before I would be upset that a man did not call...Now I have the options of not being tied down or be a friend with benefits without the additional pressures...When the time comes and I see that there is more than lust I will give my 110%...That is who I am..Until then, LIFE IS TO SHORT TO WORRY ABOUT THE "HOW COMES", WHY'S" AND "WHAT IF'S".

I am all about honesty.. I am 35 and have no times to play games. I put it like this.. Lets hang out and see what happens.... I want a relationship but I am not going to wait for you to thnk that I may be the one.. I will keep dating until someone feels they want to take it further..At that time,and I want the same thing, I will stop what I am doing and concentrate on him.

I dont want to get hurt either.. Why should put my expectations on the other person... That is setting myself up for the fall.

Nah, she's not the type that gets upset over my being honest [she seems to appreciate it].

If anything, my response was directed MORE towards the guys in her blog that were leading her to believe certain things that THEY KNEW were completely wrong about us.

You can sorta tell from the tone of my response that I was on that "What the hell are you guys telling her" wavelength....   here, you had a lady posting a blog with good intentions & NOBODY wanted to step up & say, "More often than not, when a guy does this----it's NOT a good sign"!!!!

I honestly said to myself, "C'mon fellas, please tell me that you HAVEN'T stooped to posting replies as if getting laid depends on whatcha say"!!!

When men are SERIOUS about a woman....   mistakes like NOT CALLING AFTER A GOOD DATE just DON'T happen.  Even if a family member of yours died, you'll still have the decency to call & say, "Hey, I'm NOT gonnabe able to talk to you for a week or so.  One of my relatives died & I need to handle some things.  But, I just wanted to let you know that I had a fabulous evening last night & I didn't wanna just leave you hanging by NOT telling you what's going on with me".  You'd @ least give this GREAT WOMAN a chance to be there for you!!!!

Yoli, I'm with you....   knowing what I know about my own gender, if I were female & somebody EVER failed to call me after a series of GOOD dates----then, he'd be ass out. 

I'm sure that I could figure outta way to get to Texas somehow, if you ever decided to have me on the panel.

One thing that I'd surely emphasize is, "DON'T write poetry for women that you dunno----especially if you're gonna make references to her personality"!!!!

BTW - folks, that was an inside joke that ya won't get unless you read Tia's blog.

Youre right most men dont like overly emotional women....But cold emotionless ones are just as bad....There is a fine line sometimes....A good mix is what I prefer....Some women are like robots theyre so cold....Then they wonder why they cant find a man lol.....

As for the rest I'll give you my 2 pennies....I recently got out of a bad relationship and started dating again....In the last month I've went out with about 10 women.....2 got called back after....If I call I'm interested...If i dont they can hang that shit up cause they didnt impress me...I am now to the point really where I wont call at all....I leave it to the women to call me....If they ask why I didnt call I tell them,"I'm not good at calling people"with no apology and leave it at that....Ive only been in 5 serious relationships in my 30 years and dont settle quick.....1 date isnt enough a lot of times to know.....So I let them chase me as my chasing days are done.....If they want my valuable time they can holla at me....I recently got back your aforementioned "playa card"and I'm loving the single life......Women really dont know but 2 things about how men think....Jack and Shit....Just like men dont know what women are thinking....No one ive ever been serious with ever knew the half of what I felt or thought.....Which is a good thing cause I havent always been a good guy with any of them lol....The only woman I'll call nowadays is my special friend and theres a purpose behind that:) other than that they can wait all day for a call that isnt coming.....If I like her she will know whether I call or not.....

I dont get on my space as much as before and hardly have time to check all my blog subscriptions but I always make a point to at least read yours...Keep the good shit coming and keep educating the masses.....

Thank you!  Tact is not one of my specialties either and when someone asks me what I think... they usually walk away with hurt feelings regarding men or women.

There isn't that much to wonder about... whatever lame reason/excuse s/he used ~ it comes down to the fact that they just really weren't feelin' you enough, if at all.  Accept and move on.  Period!

As women we want to sit around and blame men for all the dumb ish that goes on in the dating world and while they certainly play a major role in the playing and the stupidity ~ we can only be responsible for ourselves, so shouldn't we only worry about what we CAN control opposed to what we cannot? 

man do i feel ya on this one.

i used to be one of those chicks that would make BS excuses for dudes..."oh, he hasn't called after a great night 2gether...I'm sure he still likes me...it must be something else".

Truth was...most of those dudes wanted to invest enough time and energy to get in the panties but not to really take it anywhere....and it's amazing how long guys will pursue or play games for a piece of a**...and then give you the BS excuse "you are really great but i'm not ready for a relationship...my ex did this...blah blah blah".  like you said, a man with any sort of backbone would leave the past in the past and not BS.  It took me awhile to see it but I finally GOT IT!  The last guy I dated before I met my fiancee was doing the same BS "i like you but i'm not ready for a relationship...you can date other people but don't sleep with them".  i realized if he was willing to share me with other people even in dating...he wasn't really that into me...and ultimately it was all about sex and his ego boost.  So I cut it off and met my fiancee two weeks later!  He came out of a nasty relationship but he never used that as an excuse in our relationship...he always called, always pursued and didn't risk letting me get away!

o my fuckin goodness.!! i wish i woulda read this shit about what, 3 wks ago? i can say that i am a very emotional female. ive been told that i overanalyze like a mofo.and in some instances this is true. certain SIMPLE things can be done to keep me sane however. but phone calls always seem 2 b too much 2 ask. but got damn it,its about fuckin time. i jus lost my vcard to this one guy back in april,n here i was with this philisophical bullshit -do i wanna b right RIGHT NOW or "happy" LATER- tryna give him the b.o.t.doubt bc he "didnt wanna b with nebody but he cares about me" ..... n that nigga been callin me every few days or so... but my eyes is OPEN now,but i just wanna say:

i really appreciate reading something like this. a black guy (i mean thats the pool i swim in) giving some real talk without SUGARCOATING bc he wants to keep his options open or for whatever other reason.

u have now been OFFICIALLY SUSCRIBED TO.

o yea,to make myself feel betta i aint answer his text or his calls...im feelin like f'n mary j. blige out this bitch lol