I'm sure that alotta you are wondering why I NEVER blog about stuff like
HOW TO BE A GOOD BOYFRIEND.

I DON'T because "Women are like snowflakes.... NO TWO ARE ALIKE"
[that's another one of my EMERYisms & y'all know that it's true].
A man could read my 12 Steps For Flawless Chivalry till he's  blue in the face....
but, there's still NO GUARANTEE that my teachings will work on EVERY woman.

For every woman that adores roses, there's a woman that'll call him a sucker for buying em'.
For every woman that loves poetry, there's a woman that throws sonnets into the trash.
For every woman that appreciates a daily phone call, there's a woman saying it's too much.
For every lady that measures a man's worth by the kinda restaurants that he takes her to....
there's a lady that'll accuse a man of TRYING TOO HARD [by taking her out for filet mignon].

Men are ahelluvalot MORE simple & LESS complex THAN WOMEN WILL EVER BE.
If a woman were to ask me HOW TO BE A PLAYER.... the ONLY thing that I'd need to say is:
"Tell him that you DON'T wanna boyfriend now or ever----that you only want casual sex.
Hold out for as long as you can & when ya finally do sleep with him----GIVE EM' THAT KILLA.
No matter what happens, just repeat those steps 24/7----even the HOLDING OUT part".

But, for the FELLAS, being a successful player entails ahelluvalot MORE than repeating steps.
Here's my guide for what must be done.

10. Honesty Is The Best Policy
Tell EVERY woman that you DON'T wanna relationship & that you only wanna kick it....
but, also, be sure to tell these women that ya DON'T wannabe FRIENDS with em' either.
Just like men, WOMEN WANT WHAT THEY CAN'T HAVE. All ladies wanna feel desired &
they'll go to great lengths to ensure that a man likes em' too [if they want him bad enough].

9. Remember My Mad Dog 20/20 Rule
The biggest mistake that guys make is: They get ONE phone number & STOP shooting,
until they've gotten a chance to see where things are going with the girl they just booked.
Man, FORGET THAT MESS [that's NOT how I used to roll].

Anytime that you get a phone number.... you should immediately turn your attention toward
getting another. I'm gonna give y'all a quick PERSONAL success story for encouragement.

Once, when I was 20, I went out for the day & vowed to hit on ANY woman that I saw
who I was attracted to. Guess how many numbers I ended up with by sundown????
I'd gotten exactly 20!!!!

So, shoot like a MAD DOG fellas. Gluttony ISN'T bad, when it comes to picking up women
[especially when you're gonnabe following the HONESTY rule anyway].
If you later find out that a woman ISN'T the kinda girl that you wanna mess with,
then @ least you've gotta bunch of other prospects already in the works. YOU CAN'T LOSE.

8. Develop A Phone List
You've gotta have someplace to store all of those phone numbers....
so, do what I used to back in college. Buy a message board from CVS or a grocery store &
write the ladies' phone numbers on it as you get them [in the order that they were received].
Now, here's where the math comes into play.

If you've got 1 girl, then you call her once every 2-3 days.

If you've got 2 girls, then alternate days when ya call em'
[call the one that you like THE MOST on Monday, Wednesday, & Friday....
then, you call the OTHER lady on Tuesday, Thursday, & Saturday]. 
Rest on Sundays.

If you've got 3 girls, then you make the same kinda rotation.
If you've got 4 girls, then you call the 2 that you like the MOST [using the SAME rotation].

If you've got 5 girls, then make a rotation following the same principle
[except you've gotta isolate the ONE girl that you like the LEAST & call her only 1x per week].
If you've got 6 girls, then make 3 sets of pairs & follow a 3-day rotation [instead of 2 days].

If you've got 7 girls, then add Sunday to the mix & designate a day when you call each.
And if you've got MORE than 7 girls, then you split them in groups of NO MORE than 4 &
alternate days this way [just know that you CAN'T stay on the phone too long with each].

Also, this DOESN'T mean that you've gotta talk to the girls every time....
just MAKE AN ATTEMPT & if she's NOT available, then call her on the next cycle.

7. Data Entry
Playing the field can get VERY CONFUSING.... you don't wanna get your girls mixed up.
So, buy yourself a notebook & devote a page to EACH GIRL that you're talking to.
On that page, you've gotta RECORD ANY INFORMATION that you find out about the girl while
talking to her on the phone [& refer to this notebook whenever you call her].
This will eliminate alotta mess. She'll be amazed @ how much you remember about her.
But, make sure that you hide this book, whenever a woman's @ your place.

6. Research The Zodiac
Alotta you will be like WHAT THE HELL IS HE TALKING ABOUT.... HOROSCOPES ARE FAKE.
And yes, they are kinda fake. But, I can't tell you how much of an UNFAIR advantage I had
over women b-cuz I started STUDYING ASTROLOGY. If you know what you're doing with it,
then you can predict how a woman will respond to ANY situation [12 steps ahead of time].

The zodiac ESPECIALLY works on women that DON'T believe in it.
Never underestimate the power of knowing someone's BIRTH CHART.

5. Know Your Terminology
MAIN - the ONE lady that you like the MOST [if you wanted a girlfriend, she'd be it]
ACQUAINTANCE - just a lady that you hangout & do fun things with
BUN - only good for sleeping with
BOOTY CALL - who you'd call as a LAST RESORT when all else fails with everyone else
PROSPECT - somebody whose phone number you got & haven't gone out with yet
SWEAT DOG - an annoying woman who keeps calling after you've cut her off
[it's a name that I came up with in college to describe one girl that wouldn't leave me alone]

4. The Sugar Picture Trick
This scheme's designated for the girl that's playing hard-to-get, even though she DOESN'T
look better than other chicks you've dated. It's named after my ex-side-broad SUGAR....

I met her @ a party & she was acting like she was interested in me all night.
But, then, when I asked for her phone number.... she got funky & her head swelled up.
Her best friend was dating my boy The Infamous Joe Styx @ the time &
Sugar started coming to my house whenever her buddy would come over with Joe.

Little did Sugar know that I was dating a bombshell [on the side] who looked 10x HOTTER.
So, one day, Sugar came into my room & saw the girl's picture....
from that point forward, Sugar's attitude changed & she started trying to STEAL ME from the
girl that I was dating [nevermind that she was being a bitch before seeing the picture].

The funny thing was.... during the WHOLE time that I was messing with Sugar,
she kept asking me when I was gonna leave the other girl & I'd always be like, "I WILL"
[even though I woulda NEVER cutoff the other girl just to mess with Sugar].

So, fellas, if a woman's playing that CONCEITED role & you still wanna get with her....
BREAKOUT THE PICTURE OF A HOTTER GIRL THAT YOU'RE MESSING WITH & wait her out.
Her desire to feel superior OVER the other woman will cancel out her stuck-up attitude.

3. Beware Of Entrapment
Avoid any questions about the status of your relationship.
Also, pay close attention to how she introduces you to other people [as in, "He's my BF"].
Don't allow her to leave ANY items @ your house, use condoms,
take her on Maury [if necessary], & tell her that you've already got OTHER PLANS if she ever
asks you to go to a family/business function.

Moreover, be VERY CAREFUL of a woman that uses The L-Word....
NEVER say "I LOVE YOU TOO" unless she's messing with other men on the side too.
If you're afraid to lose good sex, then that's understandable too [but, just know what you're
gonnabe getting yourself into].

2. Avoid Psychos
Cut ANY woman loose, if she CAN'T follow the rules that you've set.
If you've told her NOT to call @ certain times & she ignores you.... then, get rid of her.
If she shows up @ your place unannounced.... then, ditch the crazy broad.
If she's calling your friends asking where you are.... then, tell her to GO TO HELL.
Don't let anybody mess up your swirl.

1. The Ari Fleischer Rule
Pretend that you're George Bush's former Press Secretary.... & DODGE ALL QUESTIONS.
DENY, DENY, DENY regardless of what she asks you.
Avoid explaining ANYTHING that ya do & remember that you have NO LOYALTY whatsoever.