10. Drink Prices
Strip clubs mark-up the price of alcohol @ least 400% [meaning, you can buy a case of
beer @ the liquor store for the price that it'd cost you to buy ONE bottle in a strip joint].
The cost of mixed drinks, wine, & champagne are even MORE outrageous.

You can buy a bottle of MOET for $30 @ the grocery store....
but, in a strip club, you'll spend about $150 for it [plus, the strippers are gonna try to
sit down with ya & drink it all just to make you buy MORE & see how much $$$$ you've got].
Bottles of DOM PERIGNON will run between $400-$600 & CRISTAL is a shitload more. 


9. Lap Dance Hounds
Y'all ladies will know exactly where I'm coming from, when I say....
NOT every woman that goes to a bar or dance club wants to be bothered by pickup artists
[sometimes ya just wanna enjoy the environment & get ya dance on without being pestered].

  Well, the same rule applies with alotta men @ strip clubs [especially me].
Just because I'm dressed GQ & have money in my pocket DOESN'T mean I wanna lap dance.
One thing that I hate is being asked by 100 girls if I want one, as soon as I walk into the club.
I know that strippers gotta make money----but, if I wanna lap dance, then I'LL TELL YOU SO.
And if I say "NO THANKS", then DON'T think that  is gonna make me change my mind.

Sometimes men just wanna hit the strip joint & checkout naked chicks while having a beer....
but, strippers act like you SHOULDN'T be there if you ONLY wanna do that.

Yet, when these same strippers [& other females] hit the nearest hip hop or techno club....
they'll go there dressed like sluts & then, get mad when men approach them all night.
And when men say "OK, WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU HERE", they wanna call us HOUNDS
[even though they already know what these men are there for----to find a lover OR fuck bud].
So, I'm just saying this to reinforce the point that SOME men just go to the strip club FOR FUN
& simply being in your candy store DOESN'T mean that we've gotta pay for YOUR product.
Can't a guy window shop sometimes????


8. Poor Music Choices
Once, I was in Pittsburgh & wanted to get a drink.  The ONLY place nearby was a strip joint....
but, I went inside anyway [even though it looked like a SHIT HOLE from the outside].

Just my luck----I walked into the place & whatta ya know....    it was a REDNECK strip joint.
The strippers were ALL @ least 40 years old & one of em' had a grill that was JACKED UP.

But, hey, I was pressed to have a drink & the beers were only $1....   so, I stayed for a bit
even though BILLY BOB, SNUFFY SMITH, & JETHROE were giving me dirty looks like

The worst part was when this stripper got on stage & started dancing to
SWEET HOME ALABAMA!!!!
I couldn't believe that shit.  Certain songs SHOULDN'T be allowed in a strip joint.
Heavy metal, slow jams, reggae, & rock music should all be banned from the strip club.

Now, I love SADE's music, but I DON'T wanna see a stripper shaking her ass to ANYTHING other than NO ORDINARY LOVE.  Some music just doesn't go with stripping....
I love B.B. KING, but I DON'T wanna see a chick stripping to THE THRILL IS GONE.


7. Raggedy Strippers
Any stripper that shows up WITHOUT a manicure, fresh pedicure, makeup, & her hair done
should be FIRED ON THE SPOT.  What the fuck are these chicks thinking????


6. BIGFOOT Syndrome
The funniest thing is when you see a stripper whose toes are hanging over her stilettos.
If you dunno what I mean, then take your hands & make the letter "T".

Pretend that your BOTTOM hand [the one that's vertical] is the EDGE OF HER STILETTO....
then, imagine that the fingers on your TOP hand are HER TOES. 
That's the ugly shit that I'm talking about [when a girl's feet are too big for her shoes].


5. Clapping
The DUMBEST shit that you'd notice in a male strip club [especially an upscale one]
is when the dancers finish their set & make the audience give a ROUND of APPLAUSE.
They've got CREATIVE ways to make the audience clap too....

The new dancer will usually jump on stage @ the end of the other girl's set &
she'll stand in front of the crowd CLAPPING HER HANDS while the other girl jumps off-stage.
 This is the time when I usually grab my beer & take a schwig.
And to make matters worse, @ the end of their sets, the dancers go around the club shaking
 every customer's hand [in an attempt to get extra tips].

Every strip club oughta put a neon sign over the stage that lights up & says "APPLAUSE"
whenever the girls get finished with their set [cuz that shit's just as corny].


4. Charity Cases
Once, I went to a strip club called THE PENTHOUSE.  It's in the ghetto on Georgia Avenue &
my friend [who's Arabic] went with me.  Just imagine that shit----a cool ass Arabic guy chillin'
@ a Black strip club in the D.C. ghetto.   The girls REALLY thought we had cash that night.

Anyway, we're chilling in the FRONT ROW CENTER TABLE [we might as well have been on
the damn stage].  My boy had just shelled out mad dollars to this HALLE BERRY lookin' sista
who was humping the ground in front of us, flashing her cooch in our faces, & booty poppin'.
My boy's yelling out  "I LOVE YOU BABY" to the girl & all.

But, then, the NEXT chick that jumped on stage after her was COLD BUSTED.
She looked like this [the rest of my post is BELOW the picture]....


The sista was about 5 feet tall & couldn't have weighed more than 70 pounds.
She had blonde hair, stick legs, red high-heel pumps that were @ least 3 sizes TOO BIG, &
to top it all off----the chick had STRETCH MARKS on her stomach like I've NEVER seen before.

Now, I know that AFTER pregnancy, women frequently get stretch marks....
but, this stripper's stomach looked like the doctor had MUTILATED her during the C-section.
She shoulda sued the hospital for malpractice [cocoa butter WOULDN'T have helped].
I seriously was thinking @ the time, "Damn, what the fuck did the doctor do"????

All the brothas [including me] put their heads down while she was on-stage.
NOBODY was tipping the girl.  But, then, guess what my friend did????  
He reached into his pocket & pulled outta $1 bill.
 I grabbed my friend's arm quick & said, "WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING"???

My friend said,  "Man, she's gotta baby".

I said,  "Well DUHHHHH, I already figured that part out".

Then he goes,  "I feel sorry for her".

I said,  "Geez, we've got charity cases in the strip club now????  I dun seen it all"
& he gave her the money [the only buck she got during her set].


3. The Token Black Chick
I hate these White strip clubs out here that have a shitload of top-flight White strippers....
but, the ONLY Black chick that they've got in their lineup looks like a TRANSGENDER.
Now, that shit's offensive.  It's like the owner said, "Oh, we'll just let her dance for the
Black guys that might come in.  They'll love her" [even though the broad is JACKED UP].

One night, Joe Styx & I went to CAMELOT's in downtown D.C.
He was diggin' this sista named CORAL [who was a BAD ASS HONEY, I must say].
So, the next night, he was like, "Yo, let's go see if Coral's dancing @ the club".

Unfortunately, CORAL wasn't working that night.  They had another sista in the lineup....
man, this sista jumped on-stage & I said, "WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS SHIT"????
She looked like a MAN, for real.

So, this sista's dancing & a few White guys tipped her....  
but, the sista was looking dead @ me the whole time & got frustrated b-cuz I wouldn't tip her.
Joe said jokingly to me, "Yo man, aren't you gonna tip her"????

I said, "HELL FUCKIN' NO, I'm NOT gonna tip that ugly chick.  I don't care if she's Black....
if you're ugly, then YOU'RE STILL UGLY".  I wasn't even sure if it was a female yet, for real.
She coulda easily been on JERRY SPRINGER.

So, the sista jumps off-stage & came right over to me sticking her leg out
[like she expected me to put sumthin' in her garter].  Guess what I said to her????
"Oh my bad, the reason why I didn't tip you while you were dancing is b-cuz I just gave my money to the waitress so that I COULD GET CHANGE & she STILL hasn't come back with it.
But, I'll be sure to hook you up, when she brings my money though".


2. Motor Mouths
Once, I went to a strip club & this bad ass chick sat down @ my table to start a conversation.
So, I'm thinking, "OK, this is cool, we'll see how long it takes for her to ask for $$$"....

Only problem was that SHE YAPPED FOR OVER AN HOUR NON-STOP.
This stripper talked my damn head off [I tell ya, this broad just WOULDN'T shut up]. 
She talked about everything from the war, to gentrification, homelessness, her daughter,
shopping, where she was born, & pedicures.
It got to the point where I was just NODDING no matter what she was saying. 

If she HADN'T been so good-looking, then I woulda asked to LEAVE my table in the 1st 5 min. 
She talked so much that I missed EVERY OTHER chick that was dancing, in the club
during my visit.


1. Ballers vs Tricks
The thing that amazes me about strippers is....    when a guy's spending ALL his money,
then they wanna call HIM a "STUPID TRICK".

But, when a lady's spending ALL of her money on them....
then strippers wanna call HER a "BALLER".

Every now & then, you'll see a HOT bi-sexual chick in the strip club BLOWING HER CASH
and the strippers get wet over that shit [even if they're NOT into women].
Furthermore, many times, the chicks doing the spending are strippers ON THEIR NIGHT OFF.
[giving their buddies the cash that she got from dancing for other men].
1st of all, recycling cash ISN'T balling, ladies & gents. 

2nd of all, A TRICK is still A TRICK [regardless of gender].
Having a vagina DOESN'T make you any LESS foolish, when blowing $100s on strippers.
In the end, even if you take the girl home----you still paid for sex, like alotta men end up doing.