By now, you've seen my 13 Awful Pickup Lines blog....  well, today's topic is a spinoff!!!!
If dating is a jungle & all of us comprise its animal kingdom,
then it only makes sense that there will be several different species of PICKUP ARTISTS
[each employing a unique mating technique, in their pursuit of potential lovers].

Whenever I do categorical topics [such as this], I'm usually asked where I fit among them.
As far as my own pickup techniques are concerned, I'm all about effectiveness & efficiency
[focusing on my target's QUALITY rather than the overall QUANTITY of prey hunted].
Though I'd NEVER be crazy enough to consider myself the alpha male of pickup artists....
I've still developed into an intelligent pickup machine [that no longer utilizes his skills].
My techiques would surely place me in the category of....

Jedi Knight - trusts his feelings & knows his surroundings, when making a move.
Has the gift of foresight & can see the future [as in, "She's alone b-cuz men are intimidated"].
Obsessed with mastering his craft & truly believes that the impossible IS POSSIBLE.
Though NOT always successful, he's still able to achieve his objective more often than not
by employing the power of his mind & words.  Very often, he'll get a phone number &
CAN'T remember what the hell he said that enabled him to get it [b-cuz he was so focused].    
 
And now, ladies & gents, here are the rest of the PICKUP ARTIST classifications....

The Highlander - no doubt, he's the most dangerous pickup artist of em all....
Boris Kodjoe [pictured below], Marcus Shekenburg, & Tyson Beckford fall in this category!!!
Pretty boys that're @ least 6 ft. tall & spend more time in front of the mirror than women do.
Women literally cream in their panties, when they see men like this walk into a room.
They've got NO PICKUP SKILLS whatsoever, b-cuz their looks do ALL the work for em'.
The ONLY way that you can stop his success, is to cut his fuckin' head off OR put him on
one of those dating shows where you CAN'T see what the men look like before you pick.
Though often hated, their skills are NEVER imitated [b-cuz all they've gotta do is show up].



The Myspace Maestro - the most prevalent pickup artist on this site.
It's hard for me to even call him an "artist", when his methods are so damn pathetic.
He's the guy sending women lewd messages, in hopes that he'll be able to score with ONE &
is sloppy enough to send the same message to ladies that know each other!!!!
BTW - he also happens to be the BIGGEST brown noser in the entire species.
He'll litter your profile page with "Hey Gorgeous", "You're Hot", "Be My Wife",
"Hi There Sexy", & "Drop By My Page Sometime To Send Me A Line" comments....
aside from flooding your inbox with the same ole garbage.  Usually, this bum has shirtless pics
on his profile of himself [or somebody else that he's claiming to be] for added effect.

The Love Jones - uses poetry, song, & lyrics to cast spells on women.
Frequents poetry cafes, art festivals, & considers himself an eclectic individual.
Rappers & singers fall into this category.  Many times, you'll catch this guy running around
the streets singing @ the top of his lungs [in hopes that a woman will compliment him].
When you meet this guy, the 1st thing that he wants to do is display his artistic talent
by singing a song, bustin' out with a freestyle rap, or sharing a poem he recently wrote.


The Cockblock - this pathetic pickup artist prefers to wait until his friends pickup a woman before making his move [b-cuz he's NOT savvy enuff to get em' on his own].
As soon as you're in the presence of a beautiful woman & have gotten her attention....
he's the buddy that suddenly wants to introduce himself & takeover the conversation!!!!
Now, DON'T make the mistake of thinking that you'll ALWAYS know this person
[b-cuz people that ya DON'T even know will surprise you by employing the same tactics].
He might be sitting next to you in a bar & will say outta the blue, "I'm sorry, I couldn't help
but overhear your conversation & I think the New York Yankees are FINISHED too".
Then, the jackass will keep yapping [like he's REALLY trying to be cool, when he's NOT] &
proceed to introduce himself to the sexy female that you were talking to before he interjected.
 

The Bench Warmer - not really a pickup artist [he's more of a spectator].
He prefers to watch things take place [from the sidelines] mainly b-cuz he's shy about taking
shots.  Every once in a blue moon though, he'll enter the game & get some playing time.

The Loose Cannon - this pickup artist shoots @ anything that moves.
He doesn't have any regard for how a woman looks whatsoever & focuses on QUANTITY.
He's ALWAYS the one bragging about HOW MANY women he's slept with
[even though most of his sexual partners were either hoodrats, bar flies, or gutter whores].
If you diss him, then he WON'T even sweat it [shit, he'll just proceed to talk to the next
woman that's closest in the vicinity & it won't matter if she happens to be YOUR FRIEND].

The Fisherman - the pickup artist that'd NEVER get a woman,
if he DIDN'T whip out the keys to his Benz, Lamborghini, Ferrari, Lexus, BMW, or Cadillac.
BTW - he doesn't just do it, by accident....    he planned that shit from the very beginning!!!!
He'll always mention his high-paying job, Ivy League degree, or villa in The Hamptons
BEFORE asking a woman anything about herself [b-cuz he really doesn't care to know].
Usually, he ends up marrying a golddigging woman who lives by the saying,
"It's better to marry someone that LOVES YOU MORE than you love them".

The Violinist - the biggest WHINER among all pickup artists.
He's always gotta sob story to share & will use them without mercy just to get females.
The idea that "WOMEN DON'T CARE ABOUT YOUR EX" never crosses his mind.
He talks about his recent breakups, family tragedies, & tells his life story after saying hello.
This guy's even pathetic enough to breakout into CROCODILE TEARS b-cuz he knows
that plenty of women in the world are obsessed with loving a man that's been hurt,
in some kinda way. 

The Biff - this preppy pickup artist THINKS that he's HOT shit....
but, he's really GOT NO GAME @ all!!!!  He's the kinda guy whose life revolves around
his drinking buddies [if they DON'T like you, then he'll wanna stop seeing you].
Many nights, you'll be holding his head while he prays to the porcelain goddess.

The Struggling Comic - he's the guy that uses pickup lines
[like the ones in my previous blog].

The Puppet Master - he's the pickup artist that uses children & pets,
to get women.  He'll train his dog to runaway, do tricks, & hump a woman's leg [just to put
himself in a position to talk to a girl that ordinarily WOULDN'T give him the time of day].
Where kids are concerned, he's the kinda babysitter who'll spend the entire day @ the mall
trying to show women his softer side.

The Scavenger - have you ever met a girl somewhere with alotta men around
& you decided to talk to her, b-cuz ALL of the OTHER guys ONLY wanted to stare @ her
instead of trying to make their move???   Well, scavengers are those gun-shy guys that finally
make the decision to talk to her AFTER you've successfully gotten her phone number!!!!
They're convinced that ladies are HIGH-RISK until you've done what they REFUSED to try
[then, all of the sudden, those muthafuckas wanna sprout a fake set of balls]....
& they NEVER end up getting her phone number.  You'll turnaround to checkout her body
again [while you walk away] & can see the girl  rolling her eyes @ the guy.
I guess they DON'T think that women are smart enough to notice who REALLY had courage.

The Cheater - this pickup artist is much more prevalent among White people....
he's the guy that looks to get a woman intoxicated BEFORE bothering to make his move.
His strategy is based around making women think that he's a nice & generous guy
[when his true M.O. is "Lemmie see how fast I can get this chick drunk & powerless"].
He likes getting ladies wasted, so that he can FAKE like he's being a gentleman,
catch her when she's about to fall over, & then offer to let her crash @ his place/room.
Very often, he wakes up next to women that CAN'T remember how the hell they got there. 

The Bootleg Astrologer - this pickup artist is usually Black....
he's the guy asking women "What's your name, what's you sign" instead of getting this info
WITHOUT being so damn straight-forward, direct, & corny.  He DOESN'T know anything
about zodiac compatibility whatsoever.  He's the kinda guy who'd get himself a Leo girlfriend
[just b-cuz he's heard rumors about Leos being GREAT in bed] & 
then, he'd be dumb enough to wonder why she's so damn bossy & controlling!!!!

The Thug Lifer - he's the pickup artist who runs around calling all women
"bitches", "hoez", "sluts", "tricks", "stupid broads", "ain't shit", etc. in one breath....
& then, in the next breath, he wants to come outta the mouth talkin' about how
"Thugs need love too" & "Good girls gotta get down with tha gangstas"!!!!
FEAR [NOT that WHIP APPEAL] is his primary method of controlling women.
If he's lucky, then he ends up taking a paternity test on Maury [or being on Jerry Springer].
But, when he's UNLUCKY, his woman's out fuckin' the neighborhood when he's cutting up
[which often is the case & he might go his life without ever finding out].
He picks up women by employing unorthodox methods [he might tell em' that he's a niceguy,
when the only thing nice about him is the stash in his pocket].
However, he usually tries to pickup women by attempting to convince them that he's the
hardest, craziest, most thuggish, & CAP BUSTIN'-est nigga in the hood.


Today's Black History Month profile is:
HARRIET TUBMAN (1820 - 1913)

ABOLITIONIST & FREEDOM FIGHTER who was gangsta long before Al Capone.
This runaway slave went onto lead 1000s of others to freedom via The Underground Railroad,
earning her the distinction of having a $40K bounty placed on her head.
She had a RIDE OR DIE attitude [if you made the choice to run with her,
then it was understood that she'd kill any slave who felt a change of heart during the trip].