I wanted to blog today!  August 28th is a significant day for me.  I'm not sure what I want to say, just know that I wanted to say "something".

I have a story, and parts of it are very sad, but I want it to be a story of hope!  On August 28, 1992, fifteen years ago,  I had a stillborn son, Dustin.  I was in my 8th month.  I had some issues early on in the pregnancy, but everything seemed to be going fine, ultrasound at 7 months looked good, then he stopped moving.  The day that he was born and and the days after sometimes still play like a movie in my brain where I'm "watching" not actually there. 

I also had a miscarriage a couple of years before at 4 months, and another after Dustin.  So finally, after 3 losses over 5 years, we found out we were expecting "twins".  I thought I can't even carry one baby, how in the world am I gonna get two here.  Finally (and that's a whole nuther blog, of how that worked out) it was determined that I had a blood antibody/clotting issue that was treated, and Adam and Chelsea arrived small but healthy.  They were in the NICU (Neonatal Intensive Care) for almost a month.  The staff there told us that they had never seen such happy parents with babies in the NICU.  Well, we were just happy to have babies that just needed to grow a bit, no major issues.  My prayers were answered, I had a healthy boy and girl, I would have never "asked again".  But, 4 years later, we were given another gift, a sweet baby girl, Emilee. 

I asked Thomas to repost his "Chasing Angels" song.  It took me a while before I could listen to it without bursting into tears.  The situation his friends were in that inspired the song is a bit different than ours, but also much the same.

After this happened, there were times I was obsessed with "why?".  Was God punishing me/us?  What lesson was I suppose to learn?  I finally got to a place where I realized that either the reason would be revealed in God's time, or I would just never know.  And I have no idea what heaven is like. I do believe it's there and it's gonna be good, but if we get to ask questions, I have a couple! :)

As in Thomas' says in his song, the sun still rises, the world goes on, and time does heal, even if you don't forget.  And I finally did get my angels (it's also good to reflect since two of them are now 13 and wear me out on a daily basis).

So, August 28 is a weird day for me.  Do I say it's the day my son was born or died?  When I tell people it's his birthday, they react as anybody would, with sympathy and sadness.  But for me, it's come to be a day to reflect and to remember.  I don't get really sad, I think about how far I've come.  Those were some bad days, and whatever little crap I deal with now, it's just "small stuff".  I've made it thru worse.

Also, I can usually count on something really "cool" happening on August 28,  One year I got to take a quilting class with one of my favorite "quilt artists".  Two years ago, during a very special weekend I met a group of people, many will be lifelong friends.

Tonight, I'm going to hear a couple of people I met that same weekend two years ago play some music, Kris Bell and John Cooper.  Lookin' forward to a big old CoopDawg hug and I'm telling myself if Kris plays a sad song, I'm not gonna cry! 

Another thing that has happened that I want to mention is, I think we all struggle to find our "calling" in life.  What talent do we have to offer?  Thru this experience, I've found one of mine.  I can sew, it's easy for me, I enjoy it.  I wish I was a musician that would be cooler, but that's not my God-given talent.   This could be yet another blog.  But one year I was at a sewing "convention", yes they have them.  At the banquet I ended up at a table with a lady that I didn't know.  Come to find out, she was from Nashville and also had a desire to start a charity project to sew gowns for premature babies and infant burial gowns.  So we started a group, and members showed up and we have a group of ladies that makes gowns and donates them to the local hospitals.  It's such a joy to deliver these gowns to the hospitals.  The nurses are so appreciative.  For people who lose a baby too soon, their burial is really the only thing that they get to do "for them".  So this is something I "get" way more than I "give".

Here's some of the gowns we have made..

And, here's a pic of me and my buds presenting gowns to Williamson medical center (geez, I have lost weight!)

I believe that everybody has talents and I also believe that the way to serve God is by serving others.  So, if you've got the blues, find something you enjoy doing, do it for somebody else, and I can almost guarantee that you will feel better!

OK, I'm thinking this has probably gone on long enough!  Thanks for reading and letting me share my day with you!

Thanks Thomas Lee for the beautiful song.

Much Love!

Cindy