*****

The Normal Day

The alarm sounds. Oh how I dread that noise. Reaching for my cell phone I turn off the alarm. Lying flat on my back for what seems an eternity, I search my mind for a reason of why I should actually wake up. Finally I craw out of bed and drag myself to the shower. Drying myself off after the shower I look up at the mirror, when I feel a sickness come to my stomach. I can't stand looking at myself. I hate seeing the face of the one who let her go. Back in my room now I start getting dressed. Pulling on jeans, and a dark shirt I grab my hoodie, pushing the hood up to hide my face. Putting my ear buds in, I slide on my blue blocker sunglasses, and leave for school.

Walking down the street I turn up my music as loud as possible. The persistent beat, and the bright sounds of my music just melt away the horrible thoughts in my head. Music now seems to be the only thing that I have to live for. Cars pass by me on the street. I can feel the eyes of the people starring at me as they drive by. All they see is the student who could be the next to lose his mind killing everyone around him before turning the gun on himself. That pisses me off so much. I may be whiling to take my own life, but I have nothing to live for so it wouldn't matter. I could never take the life of someone who could go somewhere in life. Why do people always assume the worst when they see me.

Getting to school I walk through the front doors keeping my hood up and my face down. I take my headphones out so that I can hear a friend if they call me. I don't know why I bother it's not like I really have many friends.

One thing that I do hear is the hall aids yelling at me to take down my hood. I just ignore their demand. I never do anything that they tell me to do, I have no respect for them. Really though how can you respect someone that doesn't respect you. Oh, those ego maniacs I hate the way that they act.

Walking into my home room I sit down in my chair and bury my face in my arms. One of my best friends walks over to me and taps me on the shoulder. I look up at him putting a fake smile on my face. He's one of the few people that I have actually let in to know what is happening in my head, so he sees right through the smile. He just wanted to see how I was doing. I just tell him what I always do, "Hey man I'm here to live another day, and if I get it my way then I won't have to do it anymore." He just smiles at me and say's, "Well My friend I'm glad that you are hear today, and in that sense I hope that things don't go your way." Then he just walked away to take his seat on the other side of the class room.

Through out the day almost everything triggers my emotions into overdrive. Grades, girls, friends, teachers, almost everything, but one thing that I can't deal with thinking bout is the love that I lost. My one true love, every time I think of her my heart falls to pieces. This sadness is something that I have never been able to hide. She was the most important thing in my life and she was taken away from me. My life totally fell apart when she went. The memories of my past now flood my mind. The abusive father, the poverty, It has all come back into my mind and destroys me inside.

Now sitting in my last class I have no more strength for the day. The class and I are standing doing our warm ups, but today I just lost all strength. Normally this is the one class that I enjoy because of the music. But today at this moment nothing helps and I brake. I collapse sitting in my chair, leaning over hiding my face in my hands. Tears come to my eyes. I see her smile. I see the day that we met. Tears are now streaming down my face. I see all the wonderful moments that we were able to share with each other. Then finally I remember the last day that I ever saw her, the day that I lost my love. I can't keep any of this in any longer. Crying uncontrollably my friends see and sit down on either side of me to try and hide me from the rest of the class. Talking to me they build up my strength so I am able to stop crying. I look up finally and notice that half the class is watching me. The teacher gets pissed at them because he knows what is wrong. At the end of class all I have is strength enough to walk myself home.

Getting home I walk through the door a drag myself to my bed. I pop a few sleeping pills, and slowly drift into a world of dreams.