The End

I though that my life had changed. I found a nice girl, and crawled out of my hole. But still there is a gap in my life that I never told you about. This is another cause for why, in my past, I would never talk to anyone.

During this period of time before school, and after her death I had fallen into a way of life that could have destroyed me. I was a member of a gang. Not just any gang, but one known around the world, one known for drug trafficking and murder. Even though I was not a murderer I had still been at some of the murders helping, and the other gangs would still come after me for things that had happened. If they were to find out who I was or were I lived I could lose my life, and so could anyone that I may be with.

I was very ignorant about my actions involving the gang. At the time it was a way for me to take my anger out on people I never knew in fights. But what I didn't know is that as soon as I left the gang I was unprotected. I didn't realize that if I left the gang that I could die a worse death then if I had sated in the gang.

*****

Today is the last of my days. It's late at night and all I want to do is come home and go to sleep. I turn right from the drive going up Apple Street toward my house. I hear a gun shot. The passenger side window shatters. I swerve stopping the car and dive to the ground. What is going on!? They couldn't have found me.

I reach into the car under my seat grabbing my gun I have always kept to defend myself. I look under my car seeing people running to me, and others of them falling as though they were shot. This wasn't about me. What was going on?

A man runs around the side of my car, and I realize that he is a member of my old gang. All I can think about now is that if someone realizes who I am that I am dead. But then I remember I wasn't important enough for them to remember. Maybe if I just stayed low I would be fine. I look down the street see one solitary light blinking in the distance. I have seen this before. Yes, I was 16. It was a dream I had. Now I realize that I was going to die and there was nothing that I could do about it.

"Dame!! What the hell Is going on!" I scream this at the top of my lungs. Gun fire rings in my ears. Everything is black except for the one street light on the corner of apple and the drive. With all of the madness going on around me all I can focus on is that light that one solitary dim light alone in the darkness. I can't help but feel absolutely alone in this darkness just like that one light. Why am I here? Now I feel sharpness in my chest. I fall against my car and slide to the ground. The madness slowly fades away as do the sounds. All I can see is that one light,  but that too disappears in the distance. Absolute darkness. Now I can see. I see my car with a man lying in the street against it. Who is this man? I look closer and I see the face of a 21 year old boy, and I know him. I recognize those sun glasses, blue blockers with a dark frame. The right lens is shattered in pieces laying on the ground. I know him, I am him. I see myself crying but I feel no tears down my face, I hear no whimper, no moan, but the boy is me. How can I be crying and not feel it. How can I be looking at myself laying on the street and not feel the cold fender against my head or the hard ground beneath me? Now everything starts to shrink, smaller and smaller till finally it's all gone. I cry out for help but there is no sound. How did this happen to me? Why did this happen to me? I feel nothing now. Not a breath in my lungs, or the thump of my own beating heart. It's all gone.