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Category: News and Politics
Looking for a new cellphone, I thought about buying one of those newfangled google phones instead of an Iphone. Newfangled. Admittedly, this was for two reasons:
1. I have T-mobile service and can't get an iphone without rebrainwashing the machine in some sort of illegal or at least unexpectedly warranty-defying fashion
2. I have a T-mobile contract that extends 6 months past my eventual death and it will cost me upwards of a gilligan dollars to terminate it.
3. My manly sausage fingers are contraindicated for the Iphone.
That third reason was a bonus in case people out there wanted to debunk the first two perfectly good reasons why I can't have an iphone. I'm not proud of my sausage fingers.
So I called a T-mobile store that our old drummer (he's 32) used to work at and asked for him. He wasn't there so they provided a substitute salesperson of equal or greater value with whom i had this conversation, pretty much verbatim:
"hi, I just wanted to see if you had any of those G1 googleriffic phones in stock"
"Googleriffic?"
"The Google Phone?"
"Oh, the G1."
"Yes, but we call each other by nicknames all the time"
"Let me check, hold on. Are you an existing customer or a new customer?"
"My name is Jim, and I'm a T-mobile customer"
"ok. it looks like we have 2 in stock but we are holding them for new customers"
"So, new customers are coming in today?"
"What? We're just being told to use these only for new customers"
"ok, dude, do me a favor"
"Yes?"
"Don't ever say that to anyone ever again. Really. Honestly. You just violated like 7 rules of marketing here. You're telling me I'm less valuable to you because I'm a customer."
"Did you want to talk to a manager?"
"I don't even want to talk to you."
"Is there something else i can assist you with?"
"I've lost my will to be assisted. This just makes me sad at the state of salesmanship in this country. I just want to cry. You made a customer cry. This is just a really bummer ending to a phone call. One I am making through T-mobile's service."
"----silence----"
And i know that Eddie (I decided later that night that his name was Eddie) was not being paid enough to respond responsibly to the near hassidic levels of proto-guilt I piled on him, but, really, are T-mobile salesperson manuals written in crayon on a Fuddrucker's menu? Does this not seem like a crappy way to manage a lifetime customer relationship? And after a few upgrades that's exactly what I am. I am committed to T-mobile until every single fucking organ in my body fails, since every new upgrade required I extend my contract at least another year. The sun will turn blood red and all life consumed in a flurry of radioactive sandstorms sweeping across the dead countryside like the gnarled fist of a rotting elder god and i will still be paying 150 dollars a month for the full data package plus unlimited texts to the wandering, inhuman descendants of modern day T-mobile representatives.The T-mobile plan requires that i know my mindset 2 or 3 years into the future. Historically, this has not been the case. Hell, I don't know what gender I'm going to be in 3 years. Add to this the fact that I can't have a googlephone.
So, I found another T-mobile store located conveniently between two Starbucks and, despite the personal handicap of me being an existing source of revenue for their corporation, they sold me a few ounces of exponentially marked up plastic with a touch screen and instant access to Google Street View. i do want to point out that, although not freakishly so, it seemed like the salesgirl's arms were too short for the rest of her body. Maybe this was an illusion resulting from a poorly considered peasant-top and capri pants but i kept imagining her as a T-mobile sponsored T-Rex charging through the prehistoric forest of handheld phones for the whole family. Tyrannosaurus Salesgirlicus leaned back onto her haunches and let out a roar, sending us on our way out of the store of wonders with a precious Googlephone. i waved back to her, as if to say, in passing, "look, normal sized arms."
This got me thinking. I started wondering if T-mobile, as a company, didn't have fatal managment flaws. But then I thought, would a company with fatal management flaws have a stock market year to date trading chart that looks like this?
Yes. Yes, it would. For anyone who can't see the link, it looks like the far side of an Evil Kneivel motorcyle landing ramp with a few extra bumps. T-mobile trades as Deutsche Telekom (DT) and, yes, I know that a lot of stocks are down right now. Why do I think this stock dropping is particularly of interest? Because I'm a customer and I'm watching it happen from the inside. it's a fascinating view. I get to watch this company I pay money to make mistakes a C student wouldn't.
But let's say i only had one data point. What if all I knew about T-mobile was what Eddie had said? There's still a decision to be made, here, based on that poorly worded and considered statement. Eddie still makes a difference.
At the end of this week, either John McCain or Barack Obama will likely be the next president of this country (those following Marvel Comics' epic crossover event "Secret invasion" know that there is another, more darkly insidious possibility as well but we can gloss over that for now). Most everyone here has been watching this election closely and has his or her own opinions on which of the two major candidates is better able to lead. It seems like the only real conversation to be had is with those few undecided voters who remain. To those people, I wonder if it's possible now to look at one simple but important data point.
Which of these candidates has proven, in the context of his campaign, that he is a leader. A campaign is a complex thing, populated by thousands of very different people across hundreds of offices in multiple time zones in every one of the 50 states. And what we've learned about these two men from the way they've handled their campaigns may well be one of the most important data points of the election. Barack Obama's campaign has been run with what the Financial times has called a "steady competence" compared to the "shambles" of Senator McCain's campaign.
On the economic crisis, Obama rallied thinkers and economists, seeking out the best advice calmly and methodically. McCain's spokesmen fell over themselves disagreeing on when he would release an economic plan, allowing him to brag about the strength of the economy, suspend his campaign to pass a bill that failed on the first try, threaten to skip the first debate and then emerge finally with a completely incoherent plan that none of his advisors can seem to explain well.
On the choice of vice president, Obama's choice, Senator Biden, was publically released in a responsible and orderly way, while McCain's camp struggled to determine whether Sara Palin had been vetted by the FBI or not, with McCain himself claiming this to be the case while his advisors and those responsible said otherwise. In the choice of a running mate who now seems to be running as much against him as they both are against their party successor, George Bush, McCain again proved himself to be intemperate and rash. in comparison, Obama's campaign has seemed thoughtful, deliberate, and statesmanlike.
On foreign policy, Senator McCain's quick damnation of Russia in the Georgian crisis was harsh and poorly considered, exactly the kind of "from the hip" tone-deaf diplomacy we've come to expect from the bush administration. This, coupled with his potentially warmaking gaffe in Jordan where he had to be told that Iran and al-Qaeda have no connection whatsoever so he could publicly recant his statements certainly leave a lot of room to be worried. As does his public wishing for the death of Fidel Castro and his initial "hundred year war" flub. He comes across as a man who SHOULD be a skilled statesman but has not bothered to learn the issues. A possibly smart man who doesn't think that information about the issues is important.
Time and time again, when McCain's deputies and spokesmen open their mouths it has reflected poorly on the candidate. They speak outside their area of expertise, as Joe the plumber has in regards to Israel. They speak too soon and take opposing or incoherent positions, as Sara Palin has in regards to a federal anti-marriage amendment. They act like good people, smart people at times, with no consilient leadership. In the end, it is McCain himself who is responsible for a campaign that has prioritized games, rhetoric and tactics over policy and strategy.
As we watch a person in a position of leadership already, over a large campaign, we can easily see the emotional, impulsive, personal and even angry way that john McCain has chosen to lead. We can decide for ourselves if that is how we think this country SHOULD be led, how it works best. I have my own decisions to make on t-mobile, and i know that is a tiny, absurdist decision to make compared to the one everyone here is making on Tuesday. All i ask people to do, if they are undecided or otherwise bored in the middle of the night, is to take a look at the campaigns led by these two men and grade them on this data point. Which of these campaigns seems driven by a strong leadership. Which campaign is doing its homework right now, while you are reading this. Which one gets an "A" and which one gets a "C".
And then let's take a look at our situation and ask ourselves if a "C" is good enough.
11:07 AM
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