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::EDITED NOTE::Anyone who reads this blog and thinks I am near a breakdown can kiss my butt! Seriously, I am a strong broad who is VERY aware of whate state of mind I am in at ALL times...why? Because I CARE about myself! I am on a much needed vacation that will be taking me to various cities to find some peace of mind. I think its pretty amazing that the news picks apart blogs like mine to make a story. How about all the troops dying in Iraq? Or perhaps we can report on the police officers who are stepping out of line? Maybe next time I try to raise some money for a charity, or have people rally around someone who needs them..the news will pick up on that...something that is actually WORTHY of being reported on. read my next blog concerning this one!!.::
We are going to the shrink today. Boy, do I need it. I have been worn thin. I am stressed, my anxiety is out the roof, my body is weak, I've lost 10 pounds from being sick, and I'm depressed. I hate to say it, but I used to fall into these funks all the time in my teens. It's been a while since I suffered one. I think I may ask if it's time to be put on some meds again. Being in this state of mind is very dangerous for me. The last thing I need is to be offered drugs at this weak state. I'd cave. It's funny, people always assume that celebrities have these great lives, yadda yadda yadda...In reality, most of us are ALL FUCKED UP. The ones who look the most normal, and are the most successful, are the ones who are fucked up the most! How I wish I could share some of my stories on these people with you all. Loose lips sink ships though. At least I can admit that I am unhealthy in the mind. Many dont, and then go bonkers. I was diagnosed in my teens, and it doesn't just go away. I wish it did.
I am traveling to 4 different cities in 4 different states the next 10 days. I need to fall out of my funk, and I also need some healthy time away from my hubby. We have been with each other 24/7 for the last month, if not more. Thats just too much. I am kinda sad I am leaving home, considering I have been gone for sooo long and I want my freakin bed! However, if hubby stays here, I go there! ; ) Most couples get healthy away time from each other daily. We havent been blessed with that lately. I need him to miss me a little, and I am sure vice versa! At least I wasn't with my Mom that long. I love her more then anything, and she is one of my best friends....but FUCK, I cant be with that woman for more then a week....all we start to do is fight ; ) all parents and their children are that way from what I've seen.
Well, I'm out kiddies. Please tune into my show tonight and listen to my insanity...along with my experiences in Russia