EDITED NOTE: Certain assholes decide to read what I write and take everything I say out of context. Then they decide they will report it as truth. Screw em. I try to raise money for charities that REALLY need help...soon I will be asking for you all to donate money to a little girl with a brain tumor. Yet, that will be IGNORED by certian people "reporting" things about me. The only thing anyone can focus on is negative bullshit. That's why I hate the news. These people should focus on doing something GOOD in their lives besides trying to live off the misery of others. Fuck you ; )
I am in major need to vent. Everytime I come home to Joliet, IL EVERYONE expects a piece of me. People I hardly knew back in the day...or only saw if I went out once in a while, think I owe them something! It's like they fail to remember our lack of a relationship BEFORE I hit fame. Did I call you every day, come to your house all the time, confide my deepest secrets with you, call you all the time while I am NOT HERE, or hang out with you every day? They fail to realize that when I first came on the scene, they watched my shows only remebering having seen me once or twice before. Then, after watching all my shows, they feel like they really know me. They also feel that I should be calling them and visiting them instead of my FAMILY and FRIENDS who have ALWAYS been there for me!
This drives me NUTS! People in Joliet judge EVERYTHING I say or do. Many people I hardly ever knew are talking shit to anyone who will listen how I am too good for people here, etc etc. I NEVER KNEW YOU! If I did, it does not mean I am an asshole if I prefer to spend the few days I actually do get to come home with the people who are most important to me....wouldn't YOU? If I only saw you because you hung out with someone I was really close to, it doesn't mean I don't like you when I come into town. I DON'T HAVE YOUR NUMBER, I DON'T KNOW WHERE YOU LIVE, AND I DON'T OWE YOU A MOTHER FUCKING THING! For some strange reason, sitting and watching tv with my Grandma and mom, or running over to my Dad's seems way more important than hanging out with people who are only around me because of fame. Spending the few hours I get with my Mom when she gets off work is more important than going to some bar that someone I hardly know might be at!
Example? This guy Robert who used to live with my best friend Dia has decided to talk shit about me and her to my REAL friends. This guy skipped rent he owed my best friend Andrea...leaving her in DEBT...forcing her to join the MILITARY to try to clear her credit...BECAUSE OF HIM! She had no other option, he left her out to dry in the worse way possible. I saw him a while back, and instead of ripping his head right off, I decided to be nice and be the better person. How does this fuck repay me? He talks shit to my good friend Greg about how I am too good for people, how I am still on drugs, and a dyke! WTF? Why? Because I have no interest in hanging out with someone who ruined my friends credit? Because I don't let losers into my life? The only reason I ever hung out with him is because he LIVED with my best friend. I never had his number, was never friends with him prior! So, if you are reading this, you slimy fuck...know this...YOU ARE A LOSER! You STILL owe my best friend money...and YOU are the one that looks like a douchebag asshole opening your mouth about ANYTHING considering what you did. Get a job, pay her back, shut your worthless loser mouth, and then MAYBE you might have something going for you!
Sorry, but I am stuck in Joliet with all these shit talkers and it's driving me INSANE! I have many friends I don't get to see when I come in town...REAL friends! They still love me and understand that I am worn thin when I come into town. They know everyone hounds me and wants my attention..THEY UNDERSTAND! I am not an asshole, I LOVE making new friends, and having conversation with those I used to hang with back in the day.My time is limited, and I spend it on those I love most. I just have no respect for the people who feel entitled to me, and talk shit about me because they are LOSERS like Robert 09. who burned my best friend.
Another thing that bothers me is people asking for autographs. I really don't mind giving them at all! It's just when the same person has got me to sign over 10 things (normally pics or playboys that are MINE and I have spent the money on) and still expects more, it kills me! I come here to get away from it all. I don't mind siging a few things....but when you have made off with over 100 dollars worth of playboys and pics from me...and are STILL asking for more...when do you decide you have got enough from me? Why come to my house only to GET something from me? Would you be knocking on my door otherwise? I feel that I have given enough autographs out to the people around here I see all the time. I am LOSING MONEY to have to keep printing photo's and handing out Playboys. It didn't bother me that bad at first, but I have A LOT of repeat offenders. If you have already had me sign more than 4 or 5 autographs, leave it at that. What do you ever do for me? Do you ever bring me something, or come over to see how I am? Opening my front door to someone who's first words are "Hey, Can you sign 8 playboys for me and 6 pictures of you and Chris? Also, would you mind getting Chris to sign 12 things for me too?" drains me. I don't know why it is bothering me so much. I just wish people would respect me enough to know that there is a point when you are crossing a line. If I open the door covered in sweat, dirt, and grass from landscaping... or I am in the middle of moving furniture....(I always work really hard on my Mom's place to make my Grandma happy) If I am about to run out the door, OR if I have a bunch of people over, is that the right time? NO! Ugh, I just feel so worn.
I feel so much better!!! I just feel so spent. It's hard to walk around and have most everyone who sees you expect something of you. It starts to feel like the world is closing around me. I can't even begin to tell you how happy I am when someone comes over and brings me a chocolate milk, a card, a photo of heir child, or a HUG! I guess that's why I try to surround myself with people who really love me.I am STILL freaking a bit about my B-day on the 6th. I also have an assload of pics from Chris and I's trip to Chicago and going to the Cubs game. Can't wait to upload the pics and blog about it! Thanks for listening. I am not a bitch or a mean person. I just feel used up lately. I guess it's like driving a car. That car will do so much for you..but ya gotta wash it, wax it, gas it up, and change the oil to make sure it still works.
Remember, my internet Radio show is TONIGHT, LIVE from JOLIET! 6 mpm pacific, 8 pm central, and 9pm eastern. Chat live in my shows chat..upload pics and videos from your cellphone or computer. Call in and talk to me on air! 2 hours of madness...hope to see you there!
EDITED NOTE:the people coming to my door are people I have seen, talked to, friends,etc...only I am not super close to them. None of the autographs are going on e-bay...they were written to specific people, etc. I just feel weird when a person that used to live down the street comes over...or someone I saw once or twice and waved...I hope they read this! ENOUGH!
