As many of you know, I had converted to the Church Of the Flying Spaghetti Monster a few months back. Though I respect and love his noodly goodness, he wasn't enough for me. Lately I have been reading some old books again of mine and stumbled upon a religion I am ready to embrace. It's more warm, kind, and beautiful. I got to tell you, it's also a LOT better than pretending there is some angry asshole waiting to smite our every move.
I am a new convert to my own self made religion. I have also had new members join, the first being DrMel, a good friend of mine. I have never felt so warm and fuzzy. I have decided to start the Church of Aslan, The Great Lion. If some of you do not know who Aslan is, let me explain. The good friend of my favorite author of all time (J.R.R. Tolkien) wrote a collection of wonderful children stories. That would be C.S. Lewis. In these stories, children are transported to another world called Narnia. It starts with The Lion, The Witch, and The Wardrobe. Aslan is the King of the Beasts, son of the Emperor Over The Sea.
He is a very wise, sympathetic, couragous, compassionate, magical authority of time and space. He is the guardian and savior of Narnia and the humans who enter it. Aslan is beloved by millions world wide, and I see no reason why a church should not be devoted to him. Aslan as an alternate version of Jesus Christ. A bizarro Jesus, if you will. Only unlike Jesus, Aslan is warm, cuddly, fuzzy, and a huge fucking lion.
Thoughout the Chronical of Narnia books (there are 7), Aslan is referred to as "Not a Tame Lion". What does that mean? Though Aslan is loving, caring, sympathetic, campassionate, and any other good trait you can think of...He is also powerful as all hell. In "The Lion The Witch and The Wardrobe" The White Witch is depicted as a bizarro version of Satan. Only, this Satan brings ice instead of hell fire, and is hot as hell ( Tilda Swanson). The White Witch stakes a claim on one of the human children's souls...and Aslan sacrifices himself to save the world, and then comes back to life..Sound familiar? Yes. But it's better because Aslan is a big badass mother fuckin lion.
So yeah, I'm worshipping Aslan. He fucking rules my world. I don't see why if there is a God he would be angry that I view him as an awesome lion.
Join The Church of Aslan!
EDITED NOTE:: If you people for ONE SECOND think a nerd of my caliber isn't aware that Aslan is C.S. Lewis's version of Jesus...you are soo wrong. However, my church is different. Aslan may be my version of Jesus, but I still believe GOD is The Flying Spaghetti Monster
