Today at WeightWatchers I got my 40lbs, my 20% and the satisfaction and pride knowing I have reached the halfway point in my endeavor to lose 80 pounds. It hasn’t been easy. Thats why it has taken me almost 10 years, and 3 other attempts at Weight Watchers to begin to get my life and health on track.
I tried to start a "diet" all summer. I would do well for a few days, but fall off the wagon and all hope would be lost. Plus I didn’t really know what I was doing, and I didn’t belong to the gym. I was completely out of shape and depressed. I used food to hide the feelings I was having. Sure, it tastes good, but at what cost? I was driving home, mad at myself for once again messing up my diet and I was so angry and frustrated, and thats when I had my ’ah ha’ moment. I decided to join weight watchers. More than tired of being fat, I was tired of my weight being my greatest obstacle and I was bored with it being my sole focus and limitation on my success. I decided to phase it out. I would become healthy once and for all, so I would no longer obsess about it and I could move on and concentrate on other things like my career and finding a healthy romantic relationship.
Its been a tough five months. Aside from the fact it was ass cold all winter, I also was newly vegetarian, and despite that fact I wasn’t actually eating any vegetables. I have learned so much along the way and I would like to share it with you:

First of all, the biggest question I ask myself is, What is it worth? Losing weight isnt just to fit into to sexy clothes (although thats an added perk). Losing weight makes you feel better about everything. Honestly, I never realized how much my weight limited me as a person before. I used to make all kinds of excuses for my laziness, not realizing how lazy I was and what a challenge everything had become. I wouldn’t take the train to work because of the stairs and the walking; the bus was easier. Every move of my day was evaluating how much energy it would take to go somewhere and do something, or even how much energy it would take to walk across the room. Moving 40 more lbs around is much harder than even I realized it was when I had it on me. EVERYTHING is easier now. EVERYTHING. Its incredible. I don’t feel icky in my own skin. I feel like I’ve gone through a detox of sorts. I eat vegetables or fruits at almost every meal. I try to avoid shitty processed foods as much as possible, regardless of if I have the points for them or not. They aren’t good for you and provide no nutritional benefits. Also, I really recommend vegetarianism. Its amazing. I don’t think I’ll ever go back to eating meat. I’ve never felt better, and I cannot stress that enough. Please consider trying it for just a month, and your colon will thank you.
But back to ’What is it worth?’ I could go right now and eat a chocolate cake. A whole one. Wow that would be yummy. I wouldn’t have to tell anyone. No one would be the wiser. I could still preach and pretend like I was following program, but honestly the only person I would be hurting would be myself. At the end of the day the only person you have to answer to is yourself. It took me a LONG time to realize that. When I make excuses for why I can’t do something, people may be annoyed, or I may let someone down, but the only person I’m really hurting is me. And I have to live with myself for the rest of my life. Literally. I can delude myself into thinking I deserve it or its a treat or whatever, but at the end of the day its just me. I know that cake will be there in six months or a year or even tomorrow, but do I really need it? No. I walk down the aisle at Jewel and I see those pillsbury sugar cookies that are presliced with the seasonal shapes in them. The have trees and snowman for christmas, and hearts for valentines day and shamrocks for st. Patricks day, and bunnies for easter. They are delicious. But you know what? Just because they have a bunny this week instead of a snowman doesnt mean they taste any different. I’ve had them. I know what they taste like. I don’t need them. They probably won’t ever stop making them. They aren’t going anywhere. Just because its there doesn’t mean I should have it. At work they throw so much free, un-used, delicious food away from parties. I could eat it all. I stay away. Just because its there doesn’t mean I need to eat it.
I’ve also realized that I want to live the rest of my life as a healthy person. One day there was a little girl at my WW meeting. Obviously her mother had dragged her there and she couldn’t have looked more disinterested. She was about 8, and maybe 30 lbs overweight. No matter how many times her mom drags her there, she has to make it work for herself, something she may not ’get’ for years and years. I realized that I never, ever want my kids to go through that like this little girl does or like I did. I want to be thin and healthy for the rest of my life and set a good example for my kids.
Before I started WW, my BMI calculation said I was "obese". Obese. Thats a hurtful word. 2 lbs ago I am no longer obese. Now I’m just overweight. Ha. But still. And if lose 28 more lbs, I will no longer be any kind of overweight for my height. Thats an amazing feeling.
Take pride in who you are and what you accomplish. If you aren’t satisfied with how you look or what you think about yourself, change it. You do have the power. You can do it. Its hard. Don’t quit. I still have a long road ahead of me. I will not quit. My favoritre song to run to (I know, run?!?!) on the tredmill is ’Don’t Stop me Now’ by Queen.
Exercise. It sucks, but you feel so good when you are done. Its addictive. Eat healthy, wholesome, nutritious food. Shit like McDonalds will poison you in the long run. Drink water. Lots of water. Write down what you eat, even if you are ashamed. It will make you see exactly what you are putting into your body. Think about it. Your body is you. Its all you have guaranteed to you on this planet the short time you are here. Why are you putting nasty garbage into it? If you had a nice car you wouldn’t put chocolate syrup in it if it would still run but save you some money? No. Your body is the same. Put in veggies and water and natural stuff to make it run more efficiently. Since I stopped eating meat I can HONESTLY say that my depression has gotten so much better. I used to be severely depressed about 60-70 % of the time. I still have bad days. We all have bad days. Since I changed my diet I would say that number has gone down to maybe 15-25% shitty moods. Seriously. Its a vicious cycle and its so difficult to break out of these terrible patterns we find ourselves in. You can do it. I used to have these weird chest/heart palpatations. I used to get them once or twice a week. I’ve had one in the last three months.
Keep getting up. No matter how many times you slip and fall. Don’t just lie there on the ground. Get up. During the five months I’ve been on WW I have had bad days. There was the day I ate a bunch of pass food at a work party, or at Josh’s X-mas party where I ate like 15 cookies, or during Thanksgiving when I went out and had a grilled cheese and fries....after Thanksgiving dinner. No one is perfect, and as hard as it is for me to admit it, not even me! Keep getting up.

I know this blog may be a bit preachy. You know what? Good. Only you can change your life. I can’t. You have to want it. You have to want your life to change. I love all of you, and my only wish is that I possibly inspire just one of you to go out there and seize the day!

Now I begin part two of my journey!

....moving right along....