The Domination Rap

by MC Zoe feat. the Duncmeister

Performed in full plummy English accents

*awful rap music begins*

Zoe: Yo, yo, check it
This is my plan for world domination
It's a kinda collaboration
An' it's gonna cause much consternation
But then jubilation
Across the nation
When they become victims of mass sublimation

*instrumental break*

Duncan: *whispers* Zoe, that doesn't make sense. Sublimation is the chemical process in which a solid changes to gas without passing through the liquid stage.

Zoe: *whispers* You mean it doesn't mean the process of being brainwashed with subliminal messages?

Duncan: *whispers* No.

Zoe: *whispers* Bollocks.

Duncan: Fo' shizzle
We had a conversation that we made a plan in
Involving the use of quite a lot of tannin
I've been drinking a lot of herbal tea
You see
And it tastes of absolutely nothing to me
The translucent liquid that I find in my stock
Smells like it's been brewed from an old tramp's sock
And despite the label, it's beyond belief
That that stuff's ever seen a peppermint leaf.
Hot damn!

Zoe: But those skinny models in showbiz
Would probably drink their own wizz
If they thought it would shift a couple o' pounds
So it's easy to start a rumour round
That the tea is convalescent
An anti-depressant
And a hunger supressant
So it's good for adolescents
Who want to be a crescent
Shape and not a full moon
Oh yeah, and pretty soon
The whole world will be drinking our tea

Duncan: But that's not all, tee hee!
'Cause it'll contain a drug
And so with every mug
This magic ingredient
Will make them obedient
To ME!

Zoe: *looks stern* No, to ME.

Duncan: Oh yeah. Um, to her. *whistles casually*

Zoe: And then I will take over the WORLD!

*awful rap music ends and there is much rejoicing; it is unclear whether this is due to the prospect of Zoe's imminent domination of the world, or the music ending*