The fall of 1996 was a very good fall for me. I was just beginning my second year of graduate school (somehow they hadn't kicked me out, despite failing both of my preliminary examinations), the Colorado Avalanche had won the Stanley Cup in their first season in Denver, I had a good group of friends, officemates and roommates, and I was finally coming into my own as a gentleman, an academic and an athlete.
Being an amateur cynic, the fall of 1996 was also a very good year due to one colleague of mine in particular. This man, whom I will not name, was unintentionally entertaining. For instance, one summer he saw a woman on a city bus, and immediately became smitten with her. Not having the courage to talk with her, he rode the bus for the rest of the summer hoping to see her again. I'd like to say that he met and married this woman, but sadly it was not to be. Moreover, he missed the aforementioned preliminary exams.
On September 16, 1996, this man sent an e-mail to the department graduate student mailing list. I now reprint this e-mail in its entirety (spelling, grammar and punctuation intact).
All grad students,
It has come to my attention that we have somethings that need to be celebrated and some tension to be released.
Amoung the things to be celebrated are all the B-days in
september. I was aware of two, but have been informed that there are even more. So if it was/is your birthday this month and you would like to go to the Party to celebrate, then send me an e-mail to let me know that you want to come.
Next, it will ALMOST be this semester's first payday. All of you I know will want to celebrate that. There is also the fact that the work load may be getting to you-- come commiserate with the rest of us and release those negative vibes.
*** PARTY-- Friday, the 27th of September ***
The OUTBACK Steakhouse was the place of choice last year, and we now have a closer location to campus that we can go to. And as many of you remember, when I made the arrangements last year, we were able to avoid the two hour waits to get in.
So send me an e-mail as soon as possible letting me know that you want to go so that I can make a list and make preperations. (Get your reservation to me this week.)
TIME: Aim to leave here at 4pm
If you can't go at 4 but a little later (like 4:15), I am sure
that there will be a few others that will want to finish that 3 o'clock class. Go ahead and sign up. Just get a ride with one of the others heading there at that time.
(note: The selection of 4pm is to avoid any of those two hour, or even a one hour wait.)
PRICE: $10 to $30
The price is varriable based on what you order. The nicest meals are in the $15 to $20 range, but they even have lighter meals running under $10 dollars. Also don't forget you may want something other than water to drink as well as some choose to order alchoholic drinks. And there is also desert if you are tempted. Budget yourself to your own desire.
Point of ettiquette: This is a nice place. Not real fancy but
much better than what you usually eat at during the semester. Tip freely, aim for 15 to 20 percent. If you have to, since it is three days before your pay check, tip only 10 percent. Try to do your best so that we will get good service when we go again. (P.S. Outback is unusual in that even for large parties, they do not charge a tip with the bill.)
** When it comes to the bill, don't embarash yourself by counting pennies, throw your share in generously. We have had grad students be very penny pinching. This is not that type of place.-- OK, more that enough said.
RIDES: Though it is now closer and even reasonable to get there by bus now, it is our stylish occassion. I know we will be able do more about setting up rides next week, but what I want to do is to make sure that our B-day people get there in style. That is, if you have a B-day in september, you may e-mail me as soon as possible to ride with me. I have room for up to four, and I feel that each person, within my car's capacity (3to4), should be able to ride with me AND take the friend of your choice.
Enough now. I need to get back to work. See ya there-- [name deleted].
P.S. I will get B-day cards for all those who are coming that we all can sign.
Although it's a much better letter when you know the man in question, hopefully you can discern enough about him to find enjoyment in this.
If you'd like to post a photo of what you think this person looks like, I'll award a virtual case of Little Smokie Cheese Weenies (Reduced For Quick Sale) to the winner. Good luck!
MINUTIA: With a variety of gift-giving holidays coming up, please don't forget to use Amazon.com. And if you do, BOOKMARK THIS LINK!... I get 5% of the purchase price (or more!), and it doesn't cost you anything. Tell your friends! Contribute to the "Hair Plugs for Doctor No" campaign.