Do you remember when the Kevin Costner epic fantasy "Waterworld" came out? Do you remeber all the hubbub and mockery that was stirred up by that watery tart of nihilistic cinema? Everybody laughed at Mr. Costner and his shiny webbed feet. Yeah, well, who's laughing now? Now that you've all seen "An Inconvenient Truth" and as the East coast melts under a sweltering sun, Mr. Costner's little opus doesn't look so foolish anymore, now does it?

Years from today, I believe that Mr. Costner's film will be elevated in status from mega-flop to historic documentary, and survivors of the great flood will use it as an instructional video on how to get by on our soggy Earth.

I, myself, have already began to construct my own drinkable urine doodad device, and I've been testing daily. Still tastes like urine, I have to report, but with more of a fruity tang.

Last night, I tattooed the map to the mainland on my infant nephew's back. I didn't know exactly how to direct the child back to the mainland from out at sea, so I just put in an arrow pointing West, because clearly North or South would be a bad idea.

That's it for now. I hope to keep you all updated on my progress in preparing for the flood. At least until my keyboard gets water in it.

-Mike

P.S. If anyone sees Dennis Hopper around, please kill him before he can raise his smoker army in an abandoned oil tanker. Thanks.