This is interesting. I saw it on a forum on another site and thought I would repost it. Anyone know the source of the article?

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Psychological studies of monogamy have identified several important topics:

> Relationship Satisfaction: Satisfaction usually declines during the first years of a relationship. The decline in satisfaction may represent normal rebound, emotional erosion, and/or motivational erosion.

> Relationship Duration: Many relationships do not last, leading some people to question monogamy as a worthwhile goal. Studies of people in long-lasting relationships have identified several factors that contribute to the duration of monogamous relationships.

> Attachment: Attachment, the need for physical and emotional closeness, plays an important role in many aspects of monogamous relationships. Psychologists and neuroscientists have devoted much research to understanding the processes of attachment.

Relationship Satisfaction
Psychologists have spent decades studying relationship satisfaction. One of the more interesting and robust findings in Western societies is that satisfaction decreases during the first years of the relationship. A few couples escape this trend. But the large majority of couples see their satisfaction decline over time. Psychologists have offered three types of explanations for these declines: normal rebound, emotional erosion, and
motivational erosion. These are not mutually exclusive explanations.

Combinations of all three factors could contribute to declines in
relationship satisfaction.

Normal Rebound
The event of falling in love raises people's feelings of happiness and satisfaction to unusually high levels. It is natural for these feelings of happiness and satisfaction to return to more normal levels over time. In other words, some of the decline in satisfaction during the first years of the relationship may be a normal rebound effect, where unusually high levels
of satisfaction return to more ordinary levels of satisfaction.

An example of a rebound explanation is the hedonic treadmill model. The word "hedonic" refers to pleasure or happiness. The basic idea of the hedonic treadmill model is that people have a "set level" of life satisfaction. Their set levels of life satisfaction are determined by a variety of factors, including genes and life experiences. Happy events may temporarily make people more satisfied, and distressful events may temporarily make people less satisfied, but once these events pass, people return to their set levels of satisfaction.

The event of falling in love causes people to report feeling very satisfied at the beginning of their relationships. People subsequently begin to return to their set levels of satisfaction. This causes people to report a decrease in satisfaction.

Recent studies have suggested that set points of satisfaction may be easier to change than psychologists originally theorized, although it remains unclear whether or not a committed relationship makes lasting changes to set points of
satisfaction. More research needs to be conducted to clarify how the hedonic treadmill contributes to decreases in relationship satisfaction.

Another example of a rebound explanation is the self-expansion model. The self-expansion model has two main ideas: People are motivated to increase their physical resources, social resources, knowledge, perspectives, and
identities.

People achieve this motivation by forming close relationships in which their partner's physical resources, social resources, knowledge, perspectives, and identities are treated to some extent as their own.

When two people fall in love and develop an intimate relationship, they begin to include their partners in their concepts of themselves. People feel like they acquire new capabilities because they have the support of close partners. "I might not be able to handle parenthood by myself, but with the
help of my partner's good parenting skills, I'll be a good parent." Several studies have shown that concepts of self and partner begin to overlap in the manner predicted by the self-expansion model.

According to the self-expansion model, people experience a lot of self-expansion at the beginning of relationships when they constantly learn new things about themselves and their partners. Rapid self-expansion pushes satisfaction to
very high levels. However, as the relationship matures, the rate of self-expansion slows, and people experience a relative decline in satisfaction. This may help explain the loss of satisfaction as the relationship matures.

Emotional Erosion
Couples have to deal with the inevitability of arguments and conflict.

Couples who deal poorly with arguments and conflict build up a history of negative emotional interactions that erodes satisfaction with the relationship. Karney and Bradbury reviewed over 100 studies of relationship satisfaction and created the vulnerability-stress-adaptation model. As the
name implies, the vulnerability-stress-adaptation model involves three main concepts:

> Vulnerability - each partner brings strengths and weaknesses to the relationship, including personality, beliefs and attitudes about relationships, and social background.

> Stress - various life events can cause the partners to experience tension and aggravation.

> Adaptation - the partners engage in processes to deal with conflict, which vary in terms of how the partners communicate and support each other.

How well couples handle conflict and stress depends on their
vulnerabilities, the kinds of stresses they face, and their processes of adaptation. Couples who handle conflict and stress poorly become less and less satisfied with their relationships over time.

Motivational Erosion
Over time couples may feel they have drifted apart. They may no longer share the same relationship goals, and they may no longer support one another in achieving personal goals. This can reduce their motivation for being in the relationship. Loss of motivation for being in the relationship leads to less
satisfaction.

Studies have shown that a partner's support for goals affects relationship satisfaction. One study, for example, distinguished between how much a partner supports the fulfillment of one's personal goals and how much a partner supports the fulfillment of mutually shared goals. The study found each kind of support contributed positively to relationship satisfaction. The more support a partner provides for the fulfillment of personal and
shared goals, the more satisfying the relationship. Loss of a partner's support for goals may help explain declines in relationship satisfaction.

Researchers have recently proposed a motivational model of relationship satisfaction. The motivational model of relationship satisfaction makes three basic claims:

> Each person's motivational style influences his or her intimate relationship behaviors.

> The intimate relationship behaviors of both partners influence how couples perceive their adaptive behaviors.

> How the couple perceives their adaptive behaviors influences their satisfaction with the relationship.

People have different motivational styles depending on whether behaviors are intrinsically or extrinsically motivated. Intrinsic motivation means the behaviors are chosen and fully endorsed by the person performing them. Extrinsic motivation means the behaviors are coerced or imposed on the person performing them.

An initial study of 63 couples has shown that different motivational styles influence relationship behaviors, which in turn influence relationship satisfaction. Shifts from intrinsic motivation to extrinsic motivation may help explain declines in satisfaction as a relationship matures.

Relationship Duration
Not everyone agrees the duration of a relationship indicates the success of a relationship. Some people reject the idea of "till death do us part" in favor of "as long as love shall last."

Constantine and Constantine have clearly summarized this perspective: "For our part, to stay together for the longest possible time is a poor goal for a relationship. Other ends--growth, fulfillment, happiness, among others--are more important and may demand shorter relationships if they are given priority. People change and the relationship that was valid at one time may lose its validity."

Whether or not the duration of a relationship indicates the success of a relationship depends on the values of the partners involved. This section does not argue for or against the value of relationship duration. This section merely discusses factors that contribute to longer lasting relationships.

Satisfaction
Many psychologists view relationship satisfaction as a final common pathway to separation and relationship dissolution. Many factors may contribute to relationship satisfaction, but satisfaction ultimately motivates people to remain together or break up. People who are satisfied with their relationships tend to remain together. People who are not satisfied with their relationships tend to separate.

The factors that influence relationship satisfaction, some of which are discussed in the previous section of this article, also contribute to relationship duration.

Partner Interactions
John Gottman and colleagues use detailed observations of how couples interact to predict whether or not their relationships will last. They can now predict with 81-87 percent accuracy whether or not a particular couple will remain together or will separate.

Below are some patterns of the partner interactions that predict the duration of relationships.

One pattern that predicts relationship duration is the balance of positive and negative interactions. Positive interactions can repair damage done by negative interactions. However, negative interactions have a stronger impact than positive interactions, so couples need to engage in far more positive
interactions than negative interactions to remain stable. Stable and happy couples consistently engage in at least 5 positive interactions for every 1 negative interaction. Couples who maintain a 5:1 ratio of positive interactions to negative interactions are less likely to break up.

A second pattern that predicts relationship duration is a cascade of destructive interactions. Gottman has identfied four destructive interactions which he calls "the four horsemen."

The four horsemen include:

> Criticism - instead of complaining about a behavior, you attack your partner's personality or character, usually with blame. Criticism of personality also comes in the form of listing complaints about past behaviors and thereby suggesting a character fault.

> Contempt - contempt is criticism that is intended to insult and
psychologically abuse a partner. Contempt reflects a very negative view of your partner.

> Defensiveness - defensiveness is a way of avoiding taking responsibility for setting things right by denying responsibility, making excuses, attributing negative thoughts to partners, using one's own complaints to counter a partner's complaints, and simply repeating oneself.

> Stonewalling - stonewalling is a break down of communication. The partners turn into 'stone walls' and stop responding to communication.

Gottman sees these four destructive interactions as occurring in a cascade: criticism leads to contempt; contempt leads to defensiveness; and defensiveness leads to stonewalling.

Couples who go through this cascade are more likely to break up.

A third pattern that predicts relationship duration is the use of humor and soothing during arguments.

People who use humor and gentleness to soothe the feelings of their partners, and who respond calmly to the negative emotional expressions of their partners, are less likely to break up with their partners.

Other Factors
Studies of people in long-lasting relationships have identified a variety of factors that may contribute to the duration of relationships. Based on a more technical review of the studies, there are several tasks that couples must accomplish to increase the chances of lasting relationships:

* Separating from the family of origin (parents, brothers, sisters, etc.)
* Building togetherness and creating autonomy
* Coping with crisis
* Making a safe place for conflict
* Exploring sexual love and intimacy
* Sharing laughter and keeping interests alive
* Providing emotional nurturance
* Preserving a double vision

One problem with this type of research is that different researchers identify different factors associated the duration of relationships. For example, the following key characteristics of relationships lasting 15 years or longer were identified:

* Ability to change and adapt to change
* Ability to live with the unchangeable
* Assumption of permanence (i.e., the relationship will last a lifetime)
* Trust
* Balance of dependencies (power)
* Enjoyment of each other's company
* Cherished, shared history
* Luck

Compare the lists above to the following list of five factors that other researchers have considered critical for lasting relationships:

* Containment of conflict
* Mutuality of decision-making
* Quality of communication
* Relational values of trust, respect, understanding, and equality
* Sexual and psychological intimacy

Clearly there are common themes running through the lists described above. Yet, the lists reflect the interests and biases of the researchers, which means the lists should be considered initial findings that need to be confirmed by future studies.

One particularly interesting study asked 351 couples together for 15 years or longer to list the main reasons for their relationship's success. Even though the partners answered independently, both produced identical lists of the top seven reasons for their success:

* Partner as best friend
* Liking partner as a person
* Relationship as a long term commitment
* Agreement on aims and goals
* Partners becoming more interesting to each other
* Wanting the relationship to succeed

The high amount of consensus between partners suggests these factors may indeed play a critical role in the duration of relationships.

Attachment
Attachment is the tendency to seek closeness to another person, to feel secure when that person is present, and to feel anxious when that person is absent.

Many psychologists conceive attachment in terms of attachment theory. Attachment theory makes no specific claims about the neural processes that make attachment possible.

Neuroscientists have identified some of the neural processes that contribute to pair bonding in animals, and a few intriguing studies suggest a role for neural processes in human
attachment.

Attachment Theory
The concept of attachment has been related to a variety of other relationship phenomena including social cognition, satisfaction, affect regulation, support, intimacy, and jealousy.

Neural Processes of Attachment
Studies of pair bonding in animals have allowed scientists to identify several chemicals in the brain related to social monogamy. Three chemicals which have received a lot of attention are oxytocin, vasopressin, and dopamine. These chemicals have been strongly linked to socially monogamous
pair bonding in prairie voles. Some species of prairie voles form socially monogamous pair bonds following sexual behavior. The pair bonds can be interrupted by injecting chemicals that interfere with oxytocin and vasopressin. The chemicals do not interfere with sexual behavior. The
chemicals interefere with the normal activity of oxytocin and vasopressin and thereby prevent the formation of pair bonds. Conversely, injecting chemicals that increase the activity of oxytocin and vasopressin causes monogamous pair bonds to form more easily. Increasing the activity of oxytocin and vasopressin can lead to pair bonding without the need for
sexual behavior.

Studies have also compared species of prairie voles that
form socially monogamous pair bonds versus species of prarie voles that do not form socially monogamous pair bonds. The brains of species that form socially monogamous pair bonds contain more neurons that are more sensitive to oxytocin and vasopressin. (This is because the neurons contain more
receptors, or chemical "docking ports," for oxytocin and vasopressin.)

The findings of many studies have consistently shown that oxytocin and vasopressin play a critical role in socially monogamous pair bonding in prairie voles. Part of the effects of oxytocin and vasopressin may be due to their influence on dopamine in the reward circuits of the brain.

Reward circuits are neurons in the brain responsible for feelings of pleasure and reinforcement in response to positive stimuli such as food, sex, and social interaction. Dopamine is one of the key chemicals that controls the reward circuits of the brain. Oxytocin and vasopressin may influence how dopamine acts on the reward circuits. Thus, oxytocin and vasopressin may facilitate attachment to relationship partners by
influencing the activity of dopamine in reward circuits during positive interactions with those partners.

Although human brains contain oxytocin, vasopressin, and dopamine, human brains differ in many respects from animal brains. These differences may include changes in how oxytocin, vasopressin, and dopamine work. Neursocientists simply don't understand the differences between human brains
and animal brains well enough to say these chemicals play a role in human pair bonding. Yet, initial studies look promising. Oxytocin reduces stress in human beings. Oxytocin may facilitate attachment by reducing stress in response to the support and comfort offered by relationship partners. Oxytocin also increases trust in human beings. Oxytocin may facilitate
attachment by increasing trust between relationship partners. Brain scans have shown that areas of the human brain containing oxytocin, vasopressin, and dopamine are activated by looking at pictures of attachment figures but not by looking at pictures of other people. The coming decades promise a
better understanding of how oxytocin, vasopressin, and dopamine function in human attachment.

Recent studies have looked at which areas of the human brain play a role in attachment. These studies asked people to look at pictures of their romantic partners or pictures of their children. Some areas of the brain were activated by both pictures of romantic partners and pictures of children.

These areas of the brain were involved in both romantic and parental attachment. But other areas of the brain were activated only by pictures of romantic partners or only by pictures of children. These areas of the brain appeared to be involved in either romantic attachment or parental attachment, but not both. These findings have opened the door to future
studies clarifying how different areas of the brain function in attachment.