Warning!  If you want to be surprised by the Chainsaw Awards this Sunday night on Fuse, DON'T read this blog.  I wasn't going to write about the results at all, but they're all over the 'net, so...

SLiTHER DID win a Chainsaw Award –

And it was the award most near and dear to my heart, the Highest Human Body Count Award.

There's a phrase I've now associated with winning this award, and it's this:  "Fuck.  Yeah."  Feel free to use it whenever you want.

So I won a Chainsaw Award, but I don't HAVE a Chainsaw Award.  After I walked off the stage with it they took it back from me.  Why?  Because they didn't have time to make enough awards!!  Not that the award is the prettiest fucking thing ever.  In fact, it's got to be the most hideous award of all time.  It's a chunk of concrete with a piece of scrap metal sticking out of it, and it weighs, seriously, about thirty pounds.  Supposedly they originally made awards that were heads with chainsaws coming out of them, but someone high up at Fuse had problems with this, so now they have like twenty extra heads around the Fangoria offices.  Supposedly I'm going to get my ugly award in not too long, so I can put it on the shelf in my office and have people wondering why I have a piece of crap art my four year old nephew made so prominently displayed.

Whatever the case, I'm pretty damn excited about the award.  I'm not completely sure, but I'm pretty sure, that most the films that win for Highest Human Body count go on to win the Academy Award for Best Picture.  It's like how the taller candidate almost always becomes president.  I think, like, HOW GREEN WAS MY VALLEY, back in 1941, was one of the rare exceptions that DIDN'T win the Highest Body Count Award and then went on to win the Oscar.  But everyone knows the winnder of the Highest Human Body Count that year (CITIZEN KANE) deserved to win the Oscar anyway.  So I think we're pretty much a shoo-in this fall at the Oscars.  I have my fingers crossed.

Unfortunately, that is the only award SLiTHER took home.  We were really up against it.  Our fan base is stronger (and as you well know, dear blog reader, simply smarter and better) than those of the other films… but it's also exponentially smaller, especially because we're one of the few movies that was up for awards not out on DVD.  But, as you'll see when you watch the awards, the crowd represented hardcore for SLiTHER.  If nominees won based on audience applause, SLiTHER and THE DESCENT would have cleaned the fuck up.

Also, be sure to watch the pre-show.  Two of the awards - both mine and the Dude You Don't Want to Mess With – were given out then.  Don't ask me why. I don't know why Fuse did half of the things they did with this show.  Two other awards weren't given out at all. 

THE SHOW ITSELF WAS FUN

Jamie Kennedy, the man who's guest house I lived in when I first moved to LA, did a great job as presenter, and was very funny.  Jenna and I were fortunate enough to sit behind Rob and Sherri Moon Zombie.  If you haven't heard of Rob Zombie, you may know him as the voice of "Dr. Karl" in SLiTHER.  ("Oh, THAT guy!")  Seriously, Rob's one of my favorite guys in the horror business: he's truly good people and a great talent in many directions.

At one point in the awards, Slipknot and Andrew Bryniarski came out on stage to present an award.  Slipknot were trying to make the announcements through their masks, sounding like a little boy who had fallen down a well, and Bryniarski was, seemingly, hardly able to stand he was so drunk.  Rob Zombie turns around to me with a little grin and says, "Boy, I am so proud to be a part of this.  Finally, this is going to give horror films the respect they deserve."  And from there on in we couldn't stop giggling.  Okay, I was giggling.  Rob is more macho than me.  He was chuckling.

But, you know what?  It was fucking great!  People are always talking about how horror movies should get more respect.  But fuck that!  Horror movies are so fun to make BECAUSE the industry thinks of us as pure product.  This is why, on both SLiTHER and DAWN OF THE DEAD, Universal let us do whatever the fuck we wanted.  If respect ever enters the picture, they'll start watching us and caring about what we put on screen.  And, at that point, we're fucked.

YOU FUCKERS ARE THE BEST FUCKERS IN THE WORLD

So I need to thank you once again for voting for SLiTHER.  You may think you didn't help but, honest to God, I am certain that if it wasn't for all of you and your attentions on this, we would not have won even the Highest Human Body Count, as unfair as that would be.  I'm pretty certain Final Destination 3 and their pussy-tastic 30 kills would have won.

And I'll thank you more a week from today.  Next Monday, October 23, in honor of the SLiTHER DVD release, I'm going to be doing a huge-ass SLiTHER giveaway, with some smaller gifts, like swag I've received and don't need, and some bigger ones, like signed scripts and posters and more.  Unlike the giveaways in the past, this will not be based purely on first-come, first-serve (though this will be important as well), but people will need to correctly answer trivia questions about SLiTHER, about this blog, and all sorts of stuff.  Some of the questions will be very easy and some will be very hard.  But I do have some truly awesome stuff to give away, so be ready! 

SCREAMFEST SCREENING TOMORROW NIGHT WITH NATHAN AND ROOKER

I believe you can still get tickets to the Screamfest screening tomorrow, Tuesday, October 17, 7:30 pm, at Mann's Chinese.  Nathan Fillion, Michael Rooker, and I will all be there, and will be doing a Q&A afterwards (there has been some confusion online, but, YES, Nathan will be there).  So come down and see us!   For tickets, go here:  www.screamfestla.com/slither.shtml

AND DON'T FORGET

The SLiTHER DVD is released in the United States on October 24.  We have as many special extras as can possibly fit on the DVD, so look for it in one week and one day!