Okay, this tipping thing is getting out of hand. They have a tip jar at the smoothie bar where I work. Clothing stores, hair stylists, practically any form of retail or service wants some kind of tips.

Here's the big question. Say like for those people who make the shakes at the smoothie bar. What are they doing above and beyond what they are paid to do that merits a tip? They put the stuff in a blender, mix it up, then pour it into a cup. It's like, if I go to a bar and order a beer. As a former bartender I know that you need good tips to get by. Still, I'm not going to tip you because you handed me a PBR. Make me a good mixed drink and if you do it right I will tip you.* Want a bigger tip? Suggest something I might like. Describe something for me and maybe offer similar alternatives, like, "if you like rum drinks, you might like..." Better service, bigger tip.

Waiter/waitress? I know it's gotten to where, like with bartenders, the hourly is dick because you expect tips. But did you just take my order and, after a while, bring it to me? Maybe throw in a "can I get you anything else"? Guess what? 15 percent. You did your job. Want a better tip? Do something your boss didn't tell you that you have to do to keep from getting fired. Put some flare or passion into your job. And if you're rude or do a bad job? Don't be pissed when you don't even get 15 percent.

Tipping used to be, back in ye olden tymes, a kind of "above and beyond" from the customer when the employee went above and beyond. A gesture of appreciation for a job extra-well done. Now, it's like people are just expecting you to fork over your cash when all you're getting is competence.

I say screw that. Want a tip? Fuckin' earn it!


*Which reminds me, when I was bartending I hated jiggers because they slow you down, and I'd been trained to pour a perfect shot. But in retrospect, after getting heckled because people wanted you to pour them more booze than everyone else, they don't seem like such a bad thing.