(Hey all you Defamer readers, check out my whole blog, and add me.  Yeah, I'm a whore, whatcha gonna do?)

So, a week ago, Joan Rivers mentioned on Howard Stern that she had a profile up at Match.com.  Immediately, I started my internet search for blond menopausal Jewish women in LA and NY.  Confronted by all the dyed hair and botox, I now know the pain of the makeup ladies at Lohmann's.  Oy vey!

But I succeeded.  Here's Joan's profile.  I blocked out her username and her location so there's still some chance than she won't be flooded with emails (and if having to recreate my yenta search isn't enough of a deterrent, you have to sign up to Match.com and pay to be able to email her).

She did say something on Stern about doing a bad job of masking a little bit of who she is, which I guess is why she says she's a "stand in and writer" for her famous boss.  Everything else is pretty accurate though, from about the time Edgar died to her height to having her dogs, etc.

The green dots on the side are where I match with Joan and where she matches with me. As you can see, we have a lot in common, but I don't meet her income requirements. She certainly meets mine though. As far as what she is looking for, here is what it says:

About my date

Hair: Any
Eyes: Any
Height:	5' 8" (173.0 cms) to 8' 0" (244.0 cms)
Body type:	About average, Athletic and toned, Slender
Languages:	English
Ethnicity:	White / Caucasian
Faith:	Atheist, Christian / Protestant, Jewish, Agnostic
Education:	Graduate degree, PhD / Post Doctoral, Bachelors degree
Job:	Financial services, Legal, Medical / Dental / Veterinary, Political / Govt / Civil Service / Military, Retired, Teacher / Professor, Technical / Computers / Engineering, Executive / Management
Income:	$150,001
Smoke:	Occasionally
Drink:	Social drinker, maybe one or two
Relationships:	Widowed, Divorced
Have kids:	Yes, and they live away from home
Want kids:	Someday
Turn-ons:	Boldness / Assertiveness, Brainiacs, Candlelight, Money, Power, Sarcasm, Flirting
Turn-offs:	Body piercings, Long hair, Public displays of affection, Skinny dipping, Thrills, Tattoos

So there you have it.  I actually don't mean to make fun of her or the profile at all.  I'm a huge fan of hers, and if she or her agent want to myspace message me to take this down, I'll do so.  But I figured since she mentioned it on Stern, it was probably fair to put up.

Joan, when I make a few six-figures more, I'm gonna be sending you a message to ask you out!  The way I see it, I get a sugar mama, and my mom finally gets to me hear the words, "Ma, I found this nice Jewish girl..."