overheard at the ha....

Twelve dollars--Fourteen dollars-- no!!  I bought you two pieces of pizza and put up with your ass. 

My arm was all up in there, my putter was stuck-- we were outside of Lucky's, so I sent her to go get some vaseline and a flashlight.

He's kinda cute till you start talking to him.

(singing)  Somebody loves me..... I don't know who. --Phil the blind guy

She'd suck my dick for awhile, and then stop and say, "my boyfriend's gonna kill you, mah, mah, mah, mah.

I'd kill myself.. but I'd probably go to hell... and that would be redundant.

If it fits.. milk it.

Zoom in on my pain.

If pussy had any more power, it would be pure light.

You carry a sideburn in your pocket?

You look like a bucket of lard filled with armpits.

I will leave on my own terms!  (last call)

He dipped it twice-- it was the messiest fuckin thing.  It took 3 hours to finish in the morning, but it was really good with ranch sauce....

Figured out there is a difference between sheep and goats... Hence, we traveled and ended up in Portland, OR.

I'll piss on it.  Really, it's ok.. it's low voltage.  I restore houses people!  I know what I'm doing.. 

Did you just take a dildo and fuck him?  You don't make your man become a vegetarian.