Today, I pretended the sky fell down.
Everybody was a robot.
Insects owned every house in the neighborhood.
Poor little me; I was not supposed to be there.
I wasn't meant to be anywhere, but I was.
Today, I took a walk and pretended it was normal.
Nothing out of character; nothing to worry about.
Calm yourselves. Things aren't as bleak as they seem.
Or, at least, today I pretended they weren't.
Today, I pretended all love lasts forever.
I pretended everyone understood what it meant.
Nothing to be afraid of; nothing to be just merely enjoyed.
Today, I pretended I was pure.
My toxicity was trivial.
Perhaps it isn't so imaginary.
Despite the crooked path behind me,
I tread forward into uncertainty with great anticipation.
Today, I pretended to step outside myself, such as I am.
I saw beauty in mediocrity.
But who's to say what either one truly is?
Today, I shook my own hand.
Pats on the back are just not enough.
A few revelations, a few resolutions, the usual.
Just exploiting my God-given curse of thinking.
Today, more than usual, I wished you were beside me.
Hearing what I heard, seeing what I saw, feeling what I felt.
Letting the rats run their own races.
Perhaps I have you to thank for these words.
Though your eyes remind me that I need none.
Today, I pretended my confidence had been restored.
I didn't feel 100 lbs. heavier again.
Maybe if I keep pretending, it'll happen for real.
Maybe it's my poison talking. It does that sometimes.
Today, I pretended those were admiring stares; not malicious glares.
Father will stain them, too, with his silent cyanide.
From flowers, to mountains, to planets, even to little boys.
Nobody is free.
Today, I laid down in the forest.
For once again, and not the last time, time didn't matter.
Mother didn't scold me; just caressed my feverish cheeks.
She spoke in comforting, albeit somewhat silly and trite, ways.
Whispering in my ears no discernible messages.
She helped me remember another she loves me too.
Today, I remembered that total freedom doesn't exist.
Today, I cherished the challenges.
Today, I realized sometimes compromise is inevitable.
Today, I realized that isn't so bad in comparison...
Today, I'm shutting the door.
I'll be trying a new chemistry; a new alchemy.
Though I won't be laboriously trying, so much as calmly experiencing.
I wish I believed in God so I could thank him/her/it.
I also wish you'd realize that athiesm is idiotic.
The full spectrum of human emotion; the music I've chosen to enhance it...
Breath-fucking-taking, seriously.
Today, it all floated away.
You should be so fortunate.
You should be taking pictures.
Or kicking the world in the face anyway you know how.
Remember, a kick in the face can be another way to say "I love you."
Only if you're a pro, though.
Today, I remembered that solitude is bad if you don't love yourself.
Today, I pretended to understand it all; to know everything.
Today, I practiced breathing; counting my heartbeats.
Today, I felt so alive, even if it was only pretend.
Perhaps tomorrow I'll pretend I can fly.