(Warning: Literacy required.  Check your literalism at the door, pitiful fool.  Thanks.)

So begins another letter to Helen Keller.
Like a crack-smoking olympic athlete.
Dance, you fuckers.
Fuck yourselves to this beautiful bile.
I should really stop cheating on myself.
I do enjoy fucking my own brains out (and in) too. 

From time to time, that is...

You know, when I'm not out making the world a better place.

Fucking ninjas... always stealing hearts!
I'd love to floss their teeth with razors.
These eyes aren't mine anymore, you know...
So they say a watched pot never boils?
Well, an unwatched pot boils over and makes a big fucking mess, idiot.
Pardon me while I converse with the wall.

I do not expect understanding, or anything at all really.
I'm proud to be a perpetually unsolved mystery.
Just like any good entertainer with secrets of their own.
Remember kids, codes and contrivances are not the same.

Stoically, I cross the Rubicon into the misty town.
Seeking absolution in the creatures' murderous embraces.
Their teeth rip through my flesh like paper and I barely flinch.
My sincerest wish is that I may join the witnesses.
I belong here.
Leading them all to paradise with blood-stained hands.

Believe it or not,                    
I'm still here.

Nobody realizes the broad scope of these vacant lenses.
I love it like that; you obviously have no idea.
Shoving each calumny back into your cum-soaked panties.
With a grateful gasp, you realize that I'm both the devil and God.
With a scoff, I declare you a foolish cunt,
with whom each desire has been fulfilled beyond any further interest.

Peppermint vanity, take me in your arms. 
Your preservatives keep me warm.
Dear sheltering narcissism,
your breastmilk never tasted so sweet.

So here I am, bitches; the purest toxic purist.
A freer freak than one who may still scorn love.
Lies are indeed ill-advised.
And if you knew me at all,
you'd know I don't make threats.
Merely snips of indifference.
In the end, no one needs anyone.
But that's not the fucking point.

"I need this like I need an asshole, right here... an asshole!"

Nonchalance lubricates our divine fucking tragedies.
*poof* Do you realize what you lost?
*poof* Do you realize what you never had?
I would've attempted self-defibrillation,
but I thought you might like to give it a shot.
For a change, for a minute, for a minute change.
Though I'd cherish the ability, I cannot read minds.
Don't be frightened. 
Perhaps I forgot to mention; I cannot die. 
Not here, not now, not ever.
However, my life is still priceless, and so is yours.