It's 5 am. Can't sleep. Don't want to tourque it untill wrestling comes on (I'm saving it for you Torrie Wilson) So I wrote some hopefully comedic skit scripts
The adventures of Dude and Other Dude. They get stuck on the bus every day, and wackyness follows.Today its nipple talk
Dude(D)
Other dude(od)
Two dudes on a bus.
OD: Hey hey buddy how is it goin'
D:Fine.Thank you.
OD; Hey buddy what's your favorite kind of nipple.
D; Pardon me?
OD: What's your favorite kind of nipple!
D: What?
Od: Do you like those little ones. Like they were drawn on by a sharpie.
D; Oh like no real areaola.
OD: Yeah, at a boy. That's right No Areaola.
D; Well I don't know....
Od: Or do you like the one's with the like the little nipples around the big nipples
D: Oh like the nipple force field, or the nipple decoys.
ODYou know what I heard from a doctor.
D; What;
OD; That those little nipples are braille.
D Braille:
OD: And they read "Please suck here" you know for blind people to know where to suck
D: I don't think so.
OD: Or what about those really big areaolas, like the big nipples.
D: Oh sure, they look like saucers on top of plates.
0D; Yeah I like those. I look at those and daddy just wants to suck 'em off. D:Until they bleed, fall off and have to be surgically repaired
OD; Yeah! So what's your favorite kind of nipple.
D:Well if you must know, I like paki boys because they've got brown nipples.
OD:Who are you to play God?
Scene.
The Producers...or should I say the Projewcers
Producers in an office trying to find a hit broadway play, we all know where this is going.
Producer 1
Producer2.
Girl
P!: We need a hit
P2: as smash hit
P1; We need something will make em' laugh
p2; Cry
p1; get a boner!
p2;what?
P1; yeah!
p2: Why not
P1: People don't want to see anything original.
p2; or anything where have to think to hard.
p1' people are morans;
p2; What about menonites?
p1 Come on you know the exception.
p2: Oh that's right mennonites aren't considred people.
p1; give your head a shake.
p2. We will do a revival.
P1; But we got make it look like its sort of kinda new.
p2; Yeah ,but we can't just add vanilla to it
p1; or have it be toasted.
p2okay, i think I got it What about this- Anne Frank.
p1: Beloved figure keep going,
p2; But she';s sexy, a total hottie sexified sex pot with extra sexysauce.
P1. But we need a title, something that says Anne Frank is sexy and she is writing a private journal of her thoughts.
p2We also need a project for David Duchovny and his dog.
p1:I've got it. Red Jew Diaries!
p2: Brilliant!
Knock on door girl enters.
P2: What about her.
p1; For what.
Girl: For what?
P2; The Anne Frank...musical "Red Jew Dairies"
P1 & Girl; Musical????????
P2. People love sexy dames and musicals.
P1; No, gay men love musicals, but not sexy dames, oh they may hang around sexy dames all the time and when you come to make a play on them, the gay guy is like, Oh no you can do better, and you end up alone, eating safeway select Tuxedo's because you can'r afford oreo's and you spend the rest of your night re-watching the lady Di funeral over and over again, until you call a phone sex line and make the girl say her name is Dianna, but you wuss out before it gets kinky , and you cry to Candle in the Wind, til your eyes are as red as the Soviet Flag
Girl; Hello, you were talking about a musical or something.
P1 oh right,sure you think a musical
p2; Definately.Hey there you, do you think you make up songs about Anne Frank
Girl; Sure
P2; Hit it.
Girl: "Oh never take whatever you took, beacause a pawn is as good as rook,
Whether I'm a straight or a crook, I'm gonna write a book
P1 and 2 She's gonna write a book
Girl: That everyone will read, and it will be all about MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!
P2; But what about the bad guys
P1: Nazis?
P2: Yeah there as bad as you get.I think their song would go a little something like this
P! and 2: We are comming.....comming....comming...for the girl......amd the.....book
Whether you are in the basment or the Attic
Whether you shave your legs with a gillette or a bic;
We know you have a text and you think its number 1
We are the nazis we are worse then Mel Gibson!
Did you see Man without a face,
Okay that was pretty bad,
What about What woman want,
Oh that made me mad
We are comming for the girl and theb ook, with tanks and trucks,
And Mel Gibson Sucks.
Girl: What about the climax?
P2, Well that's nice of you offer, but there was an accident with a tiger and some peanut buttter and to make a long story obscene, I just got of the shower.............
Girl; No ,no ,no , oh dear God no. The climax of the show.
P!; Okay the Nazis are out side the door, and your cousin has a dry hacking cough, but you all have to be quiet.
Girl:
" Be quiet Be very quiet, Here is a Hall's perhaps you should try it.
There will never get my diary;
Every will know the I'm such a hottie.
Your welcome alot, Anne Frank was Hot;
As long as the Guy from Weird Science was named Wyatt;
As the long as Rodney King started a riot;
If anyone finds a new position I'll try it;
Be Very Quiet!
P1; I smell a hit.
Girl; So do I have the part!
P2; Oh God no that was terrible. Put an add in the paper
Girl; Dear Red Jew, Life is a hulking moreass that inevitable crushes us all.The soul is mere an invention of exitentialists to compensate for their own lack of a moral compass. Man is intrisically racist and xenaphobic.I think Dr. Pepper tastes like Cream Soda. (Everybody comes out to sing Where have all the Flowrers Gone)Scene