What if Pinter wrote a western. I think it would go a little something like this.
Part1
Cast..:Shane: Gold Prospector/Cattle Rancher
Hossy: Saloon Owner/Bar Tender
Francine: Shane's Wife
Bart: Mysterious Gulch Enthusiast
A Saloon in the Old West Shane and Francine are sitting at a table. Hossy is behind
the bar.
Shane: This sarsaparilla always tastes like it has dirt in it.
Francine: Isn't that the way you like it? With that earthy texture. Doesn't it make
you feel all gritty and manly?
Shane: I like my coffee gritty, maybe even a gritty whiskey but never do I care for
dirt laden sarsaparilla.
Francine: What about the way I cook my grits?
Shane: Those, I actually find quite smooth.
Francine: So, if you drank the gritty sarsaparilla with the smooth grits you would be
satisfied?
Shane: No, not necessarily, because I would still have the gritty sarsaparilla.
Francine: But you like my grits.
Shane: Yes, your grits are fine
Francine: What is meant by the term "gritty nitty"
Shane: It's just a turn of phrase.
Francine: Does it come from sewing? Like gritty knitting.
Shane: I don't think so
Francine: Because after a while the sewing thread sometimes get gritty, and it is far
more annoying than a gritty glass of sarsaparilla.
Shane: Nothing is more annoying than a gritty glass of sarsaparilla.
Pause
Francine: What about crickets?
Shane: What about crickets?
Francine: I find them more annoying than gritty sarsaparilla. Or what about the time
the James brothers came into town to rob the bank? I believe that was annoying. Or
what about when midnight train comes in and ruins your sleep?
Shane: Alright fine, some things are more annoying than a gritty glass of
sarsaparilla.
Francine: Like what?
Shane: Like you.
Pause.
Francine: No, I'm serious. Come on know tell me.
Shane: Raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens.
Francine: Those aren't more annoying than crickets. That constant hum.
Shane: Crickets don't hum, they chirp.
Francine: Don't be silly. Birds chirp, I specifically like the chirp of the black
crows.
Shane: Crows don't chirp.
Francine: But a crow is a bird, it's got wings, it flies, it chirps.
Shane: No, no, no; a crow caws.
Pause
Francine: And that is different than a chirp.
Shane: Yes it's louder and more annoying.
Francine: More annoying than crickets hum.
Shane: Chirp!
Francine: Oh, right! Crickets and birds chirp, except for crows, which caw.
Shane: That's right.
Francine: Well what about a cock?
Shane: I beg your pardon.
Francine: Like Doc Potter's?
Shane: Huh?
Francine: In the morning.
Shane: Ah…yes…well…the cock crows.
Francine: But I thought the crow caws.
Shane: The cock crows and crow caws!
Silence
Francine: There's no need to shout.
Shane: A thousand apologies.
Francine: When are you going on the next cattle drive?
Shane: Probably on the 14th, if the crick don't rise.
Francine: It's supposed to rain all next week.
Shane: How do you know that?
To be continued