Episode 2 - aka: "What the spit?!"

Here are my quick overall impressions of this week's episode:

1.)  Christian is a ego-manical bitchy know-it-all who really could use slice of humble pie and a cup of "shut the f up."

2.)  If you're sewing with Elisa, you better wear a water proof poncho ala the audience in the front row of a Gallagher concert.  And a spacesuit.

3.)  Ricky, STOP crying!  You're not on America's Next Top Model for Pete's sake!

WOW - what a great episode!  I'd like to say that the charm and zip of the first 3 seasons found its way back into episode 2.   We have no catch phrases yet like, "Make it work!" or "Where's Andre?" but it's still early in the season so the Gunnster has time. 

The episode started with a PR tradition I was hoping had been left behind them.  The choosing of the models, or "if being picked last for kickball in 2nd grade didn't leave a big enough emotional scar on your self-esteem, we're happy to help you feel like complete crap all over again on national television."  I feel so bad for them up their in their slips that are straight out of a J. Geils Band video.  They look so helpless and needy.  Seriously, I wish they'd lose that part of the show.  I'd rather spend more time with the designers than watching a model get cut cuz she was paired up with a loser designer and  no other good reason.

Onto the challenge!  The challenge was superb: Designing for Sarah Jessica Parker's line, "Bitten" for Steve & Barry stores.  Hooray for SJP who looked completely adorable!  (I'm still mad at Maxim for labeling her the 1 unsexiest woman in America.  She's wonderful because she's NORMAL.  She has gotten NO plastic surgery and rocks whatever she's wearing.  Up yours Maxim!)  All the clothes in Bitten cost under $25, which is a great idea and very kind to wallets during tight economic times.  The PR designers had a budget of only $15 to make two pieces that would fit into SJP's fall/winter line.  Fab!  

After sketching and pitching to SJP (anybody notice that the straight guy, Kevin, SNUBBED her handshake and just walked of!?!?) she chose Elisa, Christian, Kit Pistol, Ricky, Vitorya, Marion and Rami to head up teams.  This is where it got interesting.

First - Elisa and Sweet P.  Hoooo boy.  Let's just get to it.  The "spit mark."  THE SPIT MARK.  SHE spits on clothes to mark measurements and "to imbibe it with energy and essence."  So many things come to mind:

1.  Wha--?!

2.  It's called chalk, buy some!

3.  Spitting should only happen in a place of business if you're a dentist or a hooker.

4.  Who raised you to think this is a good idea?

5.  I'd hate to see how you mark walls for hanging pictures.

The "spit mark" was mind blowing.  Poor sweet Sweet P.  She even said about Elisa, "I have no idea what planet she's from."  But Sweet P was the definition of "make it work" this week.  She was handed a cheap turd and she made high class lemonade.  Kudos!

But let's keep picking on Elisa. Anybody else notice that Elisa doesn't have a grasp on the English language?  Elisa kept calling her dress "polymorphic."  To quote The Princess Bride, "I do not think that means what you think it means."  According to Wikipedia, "polymorphic" is defined as follows: "In computer terminology, polymorphic code is code that mutates while keeping the original algorithm intact. This technique is sometimes used by computer viruses, shellcodes and computer worms to hide their presence."   Yeeeeah.  Nowhere in there does it say: "Can be applied to how a dress can be worn."  Yeeeeah.  Elisa may want to invest in a dictionary.  As she also said: "jux-position" instead of "juxtaposition."  Yeaaah.  I'm just saying. 

Second - Ricky cried in every soundbite.  Chris cried when he met SJP.  Christian teared up from his own arrogance.  I'm all for crying, but let's pick some better reasons to shed tears. 

Third - Speaking of Christian, he better get his ego in tact.  Tim Gunn said to him, "Don't make it too retro," to which Christian said, "I think it's perfect."  IF TIM GUNN TELLS YOU SOMETHING, YOU DO IT.  PERIOD.  Do you think he got this job solely based on his good looks and pressed suits?  NO.  He knows a little something about fashion and the judging process.  LISTEN TO THE GUNN.  He knows what he's talking about.

Onto the runway!  We'll start with the people who got a pass for the week...

Kit & Chris:  This outfit screamed "boring-town" to me.  It had some cute pockets, but the colors are so dark, that all the detailing is lost. 

Rami & Jillian:  Love the top, the leggings are boring.  I'd like to have seen a skirt go with this, or extend the shirt into a dress. Leggings feels like a cheap way out of an outfit that should really just be a last resort.  (Tim Gunn will actually shriek like a little girl who found a cootie in her ice cream if you mention the word "leggings" to him.)

Ricky & Jack:  I love this - but where's the second piece?  The challenge was to make a two piece outfit.  I see a dress.  Did they make the belt?  Not much time narratively was spent on this team, so I have very little info here.  But I love the dress, the color and detailing is divine.

Now for the top and bottom two:

Christian and Carmen:  Tim Gunn called it.  The judges were all over it for being too 80's retro.  Plus, you can't see it here, but the dress makes this size 0 model look like a busted tube of Pillsbury biscuits.  Her middle was all bumpy and just all around unattractive.  And honestly, if your dress doesn't look good on size 0, it should be tossed in a fire and forgotten by all humanity. 

Also, we really got to see how bitchy Christian is here.  He argued with the judges and was completely indignant.  I said last week that I loved him but now I hate him.  He's a punk who's in over his head and could be a good designer if he dropped the 'tude and learned something.  Sadly, he was kept this week because another dress made this look like couture.

Elisa and Sweet P:  I loved this cape.  LOVED IT!  The judges did too.  Sweet P mentioned "spit marking" to which the judges lost their minds.  Elisa responded with: "On my planet, I'm trained to respond to materials I'm presented with."  Kinda made me make a mental note not to walk down the toilet paper aisle at the grocery store with her.  But at the end of the day, Crazy Pants made a great garment.  She and Sweet P were safe for another week.  So the crazy will continue into Episode 3.

And now... the winner of this week's challenge:

Victorya and Kevin:  This outfit is sweet and fun and unlike V's outfit last week, the model can actually lift her arms.  Which is good as this design is being sold at Steve & Barry's!  According to www.justjared.com, the dress and vest went on sale TODAY so if you want it, but it TODAY.  Last time I was at S&B's, the racks were bare. I have a feeling they can't keep up with demand.  So shop NOW!

While I like this dress, it would be what I like to call "age-inappropriate" for anyone over 26-years-old.  I wish Elisa's cape and dress would have won as SJP values a garment being able to fit all ages.  Sigh. 

And now for the auf'd designer of the week:

Marion & Steven:  Marion, you are auf'd.  Thank goodness.  You're black denim disaster from last week made me angry.  This looked like a burlap bag left that was ridden hard and put away wet.  Bad idea.  All around.  Bad.

Michael Kors called this a Pocahontas dress.  SJP didn't like that you could see the model's bra through it.  And Heidi called it "ugly, drab and out of the basement."  So long, Marion.  We barely knew you!

So that's this week's episode.  I'm looking forward to next week's episode where Tim Gunn talks in third person to Ricky: "Ricky doesn't look good.  Ricky looks panicky."  EEE!

(Make sure to go to www.bravotv.com to read up on the designers from this season and past seasons. Also, don't forget to Rate the Runway!  And if you're not watching "Tim Gunn's Guide to Style" you must!)