Wednesday, January 23, 2008 – 11:30pm

Dear Diary,

Hi, Diary, it's me Jennifer.  Jennifer Eolin.  (Just in case…)  Diary, I just got done watching Project Runway and I'm wondering… well I want to throw a hypothesis out there for you to mull over in your papyrus cerebrum.  I know the world doesn't revolve around me (or so my mother liked to tell me ALL THE TIME growing up) but I have to ask:  Did I do something in a past life that I deserve to be punished for?  You know, did I sell babies on the black market, or did I set Joan of Arc on fire or worse yet, did I invent folk music?  What did I do?  I don't understand!  WHY IS RICKY STILL ON THE SHOW AND HOW ON GOD'S BRIGHT GREEN EARTH DID HE WIN THIS WEEK?!?!  Diary, I'm so vexed!  Chagrined.  Gobsmacked.  Befuddled.  In plain English:  I DON'T F'ING GET IT, YO! 

Okay.  I'm off to drink now.  I know, I know.  I can hear your pages rustling, "Jennifer Eolin doesn't drink!"  I know!  But I don't know what else to do.  I'm that upset.  It's either drinking or I get out my industrial bottle of Kaboom and clean everything in my house within an inch of its life.  (Which it could use actually… Hmm.)

Thanks for listening, Diary.  You are strong for me when I am weak.  You are my Sonny to my Cher.  My boloney to my white bread.  My batshit crazy to my Huckabee.

Close pelvis hugs,

Jennifer (Eolin)

Thursday, January 24, 2008 – 10pm

Dear Diary,

Shhhh.  Why are your keys so loud?  Why does my mouth taste like a cheap angora sweater?  Where did this tattoo of a giraffe flying a helicopter in 'Nam come from?  And why is he in a pirate costume?  And why does he have boobs!?

Sigh.  Diary, so much happened yesterday.  I'll start from the beginning.

The show opens with Bossy Cow calling Sweet P "Kit."  Twice.  Poor Sweet P.  Not only are the judges looking over her, even her suitemates don't know her name.  Over in the gentlemen's quarters, Chris says, "We're the only apartment to not lose anybody."  At that point the show cuts to Ricky putting on his socks and wearing another mesh trucker hat of disastrous proportions.  HA!  (Shhh!)  That was brilliant editing, Bravo Television.  Ricky then gives a sound bite about how he's not ready to go home.  Now I've noticed that this is usually the part in the show where the person getting auf'd has a soundbite about how much they rule and are gonna win.  I start to smile.  "Ricky's going home this week! FINALLY!!"  I settle in, becoming quite relaxed and perhaps, a little cocky.  (I know, it's really hard to believe…)

Diary, the show then has this segment I call "Model Kickball."  It blows.  Again another model is cut for just being alive.  And when the auf'd model walks off Christian offers these sage words: "Thank you more than life!"  I don't understand what that means so my brain translates it to: "You're fierce!  And ferosh!  Team Star rules!" 

The designers then head off for their field trip which ends up being at Port Authority.  So everyone is thinking boats, nautical, etc.  (Hmmm… Maybe that's where my giraffe got its pirate costume idea from…) But instead, it turns out that it's a denim challenge.  (Nothing says "demin" like a dirty dock!  Ahem.)  But I must call attention to a very startling fact: I ASSERT THAT TIM GUNN WAS WEARING BLUE JEANS!  Egads! I'm sure that his skin required multiple exfoliating treatments immediately after disrobing and that he fell asleep that night in the fetal position while whispering his mother's full name and social security number.  I said he'd be wearing jeans this week in my last blog without having any idea that it was a denim challenge this week.  I'm just that psychic.  Snap!  (Shhhh!)

The challenge this week: "Create an iconic denim look using Levi's 501's and cotton."  The warehouse doors open and there are over 500 pairs of Levi's 501's and 1 yard bolts of cotton.  They have three minutes to collect their materials.  I really wish that Project Runway would devise a different way of getting fabric other than the mad dash and grab.  It's getting old.  Can't we submerge everyone in water and make them swim in a shark tank?  Climb a mountain with a sherpa?  Knife fight while blindfolded and only the fabric that doesn't have blood on it can be used?  Just do something new cuz this current method is getting old.  We've seen the dash-n-grab in the first episode in the park, Hershey's and now this.  That's 1/3 of your episodes so far this season.  Over.  It.

Back in the work room Denim Gunn tells them that they have ONLY 10 HOURS to finish their look.  I start to think, "Wow, I think the designers from Team Dead Meat will have some more trouble this week."  I was right.

At this point in the show, Ricky reveals a little something about himself.  He admits to making his own hats, sometimes even out of denim.  Isn't that sweet?  He then continues by describing his game plan for this week: "I thought, 'It needs to be something no one else here can do.'"  So he made a tube dress.  A short tube dress with darts on the bodice.  Which is true, nobody else there can do that because they actually have TASTE.  I feel like Ricky is always wearing beer goggles when he looks at his garments.  He looks at his dress and sees a stunning piece of work and other people see a coyote ugly tube dress that wouldn't even be caught dead in a mall in Jersey.  (Sorry, Jersey…)

Jillian and Bossy Cow both decide to make trench jackets.  Not smart as they made a completely awesome jacket last week that will pale any jacket compared made this week.  Jillian's collar even looks a lot like last week's jacket.  To quote an oft-said Gunn-ism, "I'm worried."

Chris and Christian have a mini-cat fight over how to get dirt out of denim, but then retract said claws to discuss how hard it is to see good people leave the show.  Christian then says, "I know, and annoying people are still left."  In walks Ricky.  This moment reminded me of the show Laverne & Shirley.  For instance, Laverne would say, "Well who are we gonna get to eat this rotten potato salad?"  In walks Squiggy.  So that's Ricky's new name.  Squiggy.  Cuz he really is THAT guy.

Squiggy tells us that he's sick of everyone looking at him like he doesn't belong there.  He then recites his resume to assure us that he belongs there.  He was an Assistant Designer for Valentino Lingerie.  (Or is that Assistant to the Designer?)  He "worked for Oscar De La Renta" (getting coffee?) and was the VP of design for Vera Wang Lingerie.  Sounds like he had a lot of jobs.  Fired, much?

(Diary, I know I'm catty, but Two Buck Chuck really brings out the worst in me…Maybe if I drank like I shopped and looked for quality over quantity…)

As the day nears a close, Jillian throws her Botox treatments to the wind and decids to have an Academy Award winning moment on a show that can only win an Emmy at best.  While she's sewing she claims that she's cutting herself.  (A cry for help!)  What happens next is not for the faint of heart:

Jillian: (blandly) "I'm bleeding everywhere."

Rami: "Where?"

Jillian: (blandly-er) "Everywhere."

Sweet P: "Blood?"

Rami: "I don't see it.  I don't even see it."

Jillian: (sighs blandestly)

I hope she has her acceptance speech written.  And doesn't forget to thank Chad Lowe. 

Diary, it's finally time for the Runway!  We see Rami spray a cologne cloud large enough to cover Lake Michigan.  We also see Squiggy put on his good black mesh hat.  You know, cuz it's dressy.  Heidi greets the designers wearing a sparkly dress that was apparently very angry with her boobs.  (Maybe that's where my giraffe tattoo got the boobs from!?)  She told them that no one would be getting immunity from this challenge or from future challenges.  Stuff just got serious, yo!

Alright... let's get to the clothes.  I know how you are, Diary.

RAMI (who showed NO side of his Bossy Ass side this week):

It's cute!  I like the use of zippers as the trim.  It's pretty clever.  (Although someone in one of the blogs on Bravo said that Jeffrey did that once, which I can't remember, but my recall is a little fuzzy on past seasons right now.)  It even has pockets!  I love a dress with pockets!  You can put tissues in there!  (Sometimes I can't help but let my sex appeal shine.)  Nina is happy to see a dress that hasn't been draped or made out of a jersey product.  (Jersey the fabric, not the state, so nobody needs an apology.)  She says: "It's very sophisticated as usual coming from you."  She then batted her eyes and gave a demure grin.  Seriously.  I think she's got the hots for him. 

CHRISTIAN:

I WANT THESE JEANS!  I want to wear these jeans with Team Dead Meat's jacket from last week.  I'll wear them in my apartment, but at least they'd be near my skin (which would NOT need exfoliating).  I love how the bottom of the jeans are jacket sleeves.  Nina called it a "motorcross jean."  I think it's awesome.

I was surprised he didn't win.  He made TWO great pieces.  And jeans aren't easy!  (Remember from the men's wear epsiode?  Pants are hard!)  And from the look on Christian's face, he was surprised he didn't win either.  VERY surprised.

SWEET P:

Sweet P!  You rock!  This started out as a wedding dress to which Denim Gunn said, "It's happy hands and home Granny circle.  Hippy dippy!  YEEEKS!"  (Really, Diary, he said that.)  So she listened to Tim and "resolved the skirt."

Nina said that all the girls there, except for Kors, would wear that dress.  Kors cackled, "With the right shoe!" I love when his inner queen bursts out.  It's 100% delightful.

I also thought that Sweet P had a shot at winning this week.  I'd wear this dress in a heartbeat.  Dress it up, dress it down.  It really embodies the versatility of denim to me.  But somehow... just like Bossy Cow had no idea who Sweet P was the previous morning, neither do the judges and she's looked over AGAIN.

BOTTOM TWO:

This is by no means terrible, but when it's only down to 7 people, some good designs are going to be in the bottom.   Granted, that piece of fabric that sticks out on the side isn't flattering.  It looks like its thinking about being a pocket but isn't totally committed to the idea.  Nina thought the whole thing looked dated.  I think it just looks safe.  But it's better than some people's...  Grrr.  But happily, Chris is safe for another week. 

JILLIAN:

While this is not terrible, it's not great either.  It looks like a white trash version of her jacket from last week.  (Sorry, White Trash!  Sorta...)  Heidi hates it and thinks it makes the model look big and like a marshmallow.  I was expecting Jillian to pull another "dramatic" stunt, but she didn't.  She just stood there blankly.  She too is safe for one more week.

But speaking of blank... our auf'd designer... BOSSY COW!

Girlfriend just sewed a lame ass skirt on the bottom of a jacket from the early 90's.  She really screwed the pooch on this challenge.  The whole episode, Bossy Cow seemed even more low energy and ennui ridden than usual.  It felt like she'd given up even though her soundbites said, "I want to win."  She stood on the runway with the enthusiasm of an Ambercrombie & Fitch employee.  It was time for Bossy Cow to be put to pasture, indeed.  Diary, it was time.

And now... the reason for my angst.  This week's winner...

SQUIGGY:

I DO NOT UNDERSTAND.  This garment is mediocre at best.  Chris' was better than this.  This is what we expect from Squiggy.  It's a simple TUBE DRESS that require only one summer in 4-H to complete.  But to hear the judges gush over it, you'd have thought that he reinvented the wheel and shat out gold nuggets.  "This is what we've been waiting for from you," they said. "There's you lingerie experience."  WHAT!?  Are we looking at the same thing?  Those darts are the same darts he does EVERY WEEK!  It's the same length!  It's basically the same dress!!  BAH!

During Denim Gunn's critique in the workroom, he said it was stunning.  I remember feeling like a little piece of me died inside.  I worried that the denim touching his skin was causing swelling in his brain.  But then I read Tim Gunn's blog at www.bravotv.com.

TIM GUNN'S BLOG:

Ricky wins! I don't know who was more surprised by his win -- Ricky or me. I cannot tell a lie: I was profoundly concerned about his look. I thought it was too basic and too poorly finished. On the show, you hear me say, "It's stunning," and it's true that I did say it, as in, "Fix all of this and make certain that it's stunning." The editors were stuck with a conundrum, because so little of what I said to Ricky (and I said a lot) could be used. In any case, I was baffled by the judges' rhapsodic support of his design. It was so similar to Rami's look and even to Chris's design, but it was less ambitious than either. The judges celebrated the look's fit. It's a strapless tube dress! How challenging can the fit be? But please don't get me wrong: I'm sincerely pleased for Ricky that he won. But I'm equally baffled. Chacun a son gout. It's a matter of taste.

My hope and belief in all things Tim Gunn returned.

Squiggy then turns on his Boo-Hoo-Machine on the runway saying that it's all such a rollercoaster and he never knows if he sucks or not.  The asshole in me said, "If you don't know if you suck or not, check the bathroom wall."  (AHHAHAHA!  Shhhh!)  But I guess I should feel for him.  He's a human being.  In a mesh hat.  Sometimes a denim hat.  Who for some reason, keeps getting passed along from week to week.  The only silver lining in this mesh hat fiasco is that HE DOESN'T HAVE IMMUNITY.  Thank God for small favors.

Diary, that's what's been vexing me all day.  Squiggy is still around.  Kevin, Kit and Jack (JACK!) are still gone.  We're down to six designers and I'm worried that Squiggy may go all the way.  If he does, I may have to drink A WHOLE glass of wine this time.  I know.  A WHOLE GLASS.  I'm just that crazy!  There's no telling what kind of tattoo I'd get then!  I might even get a permanent one this time.  CRAZY!

Thanks for listening to me, Diary.  Once again, you've come through for me.  You're the peanut butter to my jelly.  The wind for my wings.  The paparazzi to my Britney.

Tongue kisses,

Jennifer (Eolin)