Hi everybody, Michael Kors here.  Jennifer (Eolin) is so overcome with emotion due to Ricky being auf'd that she's treating herself to some red highlights for her hair and is far too busy to write her own blog.  I know you are wondering: How do you, the great American designer Michael Kors, know this?  I'll tell you.  I got a text from her just as I was about to sink into a cranberry bath with my new issue of Elle magazine and a strong appletini.  The text read: "Kors!  Getting my hair did!  Will u write my blog?"  I wrote back: "I care about your blog why?"  Then she sent me a frowny face with a bunch of exclamation points.  (What is WITH this girl and the exclamation points?  It's like she's constantly yelling.)  Then she texted something about how writing her blog would result in happy fists and in an exasperated hissy fit, I threw the phone down the toilet and flushed twice.  That's what I do when I'm annoyed, because I am the great American designer, Michael Kors.  And I have many assistants who will buy me a new iPhone whenever I throw it down the toilet.  (Which has happened 7 other times.  This week.  But who's counting?  Except my assistant Tiffany, because that's her only job.)

So since Jennifer (Eolin) got me out of my bath, I, the great American designer Michael Kors, will give her blog a shot.  No need to thank me.  Karma will take care of that.

First, I'd like to address what Jennifer (Eolin) so fondly refers to as "Model Kickball." Why do we have these models on the show if we never use them for half the challenges?  The honest reason: Fuck if I know.  People, I'm just eye candy.  I'm just as surprised as you are when instead of the models we ship in from Jersey walking down the catwalk it's either former fat women or teenagers who are aspiring to be former fat women.  I didn't mind the men so much, except for what they were wearing.  (If one of you "Dunderheads" say, "That's what she said!" I may become apoplectic!)  And the trannies this week were okay.  I didn't see one Adam's apple – it's truly amazing what they can do with lasers these days!

The designers find out they are taking a field trip with Tim Gunn.  The field trip consisted of an elevator ride and a couple steps into the lobby.  Does this really qualify as a field trip?  I think not.  I mean, if you don't need a travel coordinator to book your flight and a GPS system, it ain't a field trip, people.  It's an errand at best.

When the designers arrived in the lobby, they heard noises that sounded like Cinemax After Dark.  (Ahem...)  Tim Gunn opened the door (which he sanitized a million times off camera) and they saw the WWE Divas.  The challenge was to design each Diva an outfit for the ring.  By the way, I use the term "outfit" quite loosely.  Personally, I'd rather put together an outfit for Pol Pot's dog before one of these "people." (Women?  Men?  I'm still not sure.)

Tim Gunn got in the ring and said, "Grandpa has difficulty with these ropes."  HA!  Needless to say, that's all we call him now.  Good Old Grandpa Gunn.  Heidi snorted milk out of her nose when she heard his new nickname and texted Seal immediately to which he responded with a rousing, "OMG! LOL!"  Nina didn't get it at all and suggested we workshop it and the boys of Heatherette were simply too busy applying body glitter and lip gloss to give any feedback.  Anyway… Here's Grandpa Gun with the Divas.  I like to call this picture, "One of these things isn't like the other... or is it?"

The designers go shopping for their garments and we say goodbye to Mood and hello to Spandex House.  This place is seriously what I imagine hell is like.  Yards and yards of man made fabric.  Ew.  All that's missing are the Bedazzled Pearly Gates, the smell of feet and bad customer service.

Back in the design room, they start putting their "outfits" together.  Jillian worries that she'll be body slammed if she screws up.  (Maybe it would loosen up her face?)  Christian in typical and stereotypical fashion calls his Diva fierce: "She's really fierce.  She's like one of the fiercest people I've ever met and that's a big deal because I've met some fierce bitches up in my life."  I can only assume he's talking about me, great American designer, Michael Kors.

On the other side of the room Rami is draping a Pepto Bismol bikini.  Show of hands, who's surprised?  This kid really needs to learn a new trick.  I understand he's not ever going to be a great American designer like myself since he's not from here, but it doesn't mean that he should be a one trick pony.  Maybe he was so taken with the Statue of Liberty's tunic when coming into our country and he can't stop mimicking her outfit.  (Too soon?)

Christian tells Sweet P that her outfit looked like "Tranny Ice Capades."  Even Grandpa Gunn didn't know what to say her when he shrieked: "It's like Ava Gabor from Green Acres!  Can you mitigate this somehow with these feathers?  Ahh!  Jesus!  Make it work!"  This is the second week in a row that Sweet P has put Grandpa Gunn dangerously close to collecting a disability check.  Sweet P is definitely looking screwed, blued and tattooed.  (See what I did there?)

Meanwhile Ricky is working and dodging (deserved) glares from the other designers.  Christian gives Ricky a snap for his outfit and says, "You help them and then at the end of the day, they're work still is not good."  Tim Gunn says the orange color worries him and that he should "experiment."  So Ricky panics and makes what he does best-- a babydoll dress.  Out of gold lamay.  It's like this guy hasn't moved on from Solid Gold or the ghetto.

Alright, let's move onto the segment I like to call The Pope walks into a sex club...

RAMI:

What is this?  This dude/chick said that s/he's an "All American Good Person."  All it looks like to me is that this person ripped off Barbie's signature look as well as Donatella Versace's signature "Fozzie Bear" orange tan.  The whole thing is a disaster.  But his wig is outstanding.

SWEET P:

There are many problems with this outfit besides the person wearing it.  The "client" wanted more drama and gusto as her/his signature move is unrobing.  (Shudder!) Sweet P needed to go for it and give the client what it wanted and she didn't.  Instead she made a lame Victoria Secret nightie set that would end up on the sale rack and then eventually in an outlet mall in Ohio. 

But again, this guy's wig is fabulous.

JILLIAN:

I want these shorts and I will claw my way over the Heatherette guys(?) to get them!  I can put it in my closet next to Ricky's denim dress that I bought off the Levi's site last week.  And I deny that I put his dress on and rolled around on my bed in it.  DENY.

PS - Love the shoe!

CHRISTIAN:

I'd like to say that I didn't know LaToya Jackson was into wrestling.  Good for her!  I should have gotten an autograph.  I could put it next to Tiki Barber's.

I also want those chaps.  I think it would compliment my blazer and t-shirt nicely.

AND THE WINNER...  CHRIS:

Talk about being in your element!  Chris didn't even have to put this outfit together.  He makes these outfits in his head all day.  The hoodie is quite expensive looking and dare I say a little bad ass.  I mean as much as green leopard can be bad ass.  

And now... justice has finally been served...  RICKY is auf'd:

Is s/he a wrestler or in a Bain de Soleil commercial?  I mean, I'm not watching Raw every week but c'mon.  Even I, great American designer Michael Kors knows that this is not what (wo)men wrestle in.  It's Flashdance on crack.  Springbreak in Daytona, circa 1987.  A Miss Tropicana pageant reject.  I mean, get a clue.  If there was EVER a time to use mesh it was THIS challenge, Ricky. 

And Ricky, you couldn't cry for us when you were let go?  You cry at everything and yet getting auf'd makes you act like a normal human being.  I have to say, that was a let down.  I was hoping that you would cry and start cutting yourself.  Or call your mom and cry over the phone to her.  Just like in your clothes, you have no idea when to bring the drama.

Okay, I hear my toilet vibrating.  Jennifer (Eolin) must be trying to get in touch with me.  Whatever.  By the way, she wanted me to tell you some cool features.  Bravo sells each outfit in an auction - you can check it out here:

http://projectrunway.seenon.com/?v=projectrunway-auctions

And if you want a Grandpa Gunn bobble head, check it out here:

http://projectrunway.seenon.com/

There.  I've done my job.  And during Fashion Week too.  I'm so exhausted from looking at all the pretty colors all day long and listening to my adoring fans.  And think about this, as you read this blog in the middle of the night, 3 PR contestants are tolling RIGHT NOW over their final details for their Bryant Park show Friday morning at 9am.  Wish them luck!  They'll need it! 

Now about that vibrating toilet...

(Visit www.bravotv.com/projectrunway for blogs, pics and make sure to rate the runway!  Also be courteous of those who don't want to know who the final 3 are!  Keep the comments vague!)