Okay, I'm a little late to this party.  By about 5-ish months.  But I live in LA, so technically, I'm still waaaay early.  I really had NO idea that there was a Project Runway: Canada edition out there!!  Heidi Klum is Iman!  Tim Gunn is someone I never heard of!  Confused fists!

I have to say though, I do like the idea of Iman being the "Heidi Klum" of Canada:

I wonder if she says: "You're out, eh?"  (Tee-hee!)

Their Tim Gunn is Brian Bailey:

Yeah.  Nice mustache, guy.  Do you moonlight as a pervert?  

I've never heard of Brian Bailey either but apparently he's HUGE in Canada.  I'm guessing he must make flannel jackets or something.  (I kid!  Mounties' uniforms for sure.  No!  That's terrible!  Fishing boots.  I'm certain of it.)  I hazard to assert that he is NO Tim Gunn.  No doubt aboot it.  (I can't control myself!)

Now... Check THIS judge out:

Shawn Hewson, what is YOUR deal?  (And when will Canada get the memo about mustaches??  CREEPY!)  According to your bio, you went to "university" and became a lawyer first before getting your big break in... wait for it... t-shirts.  And by the way, one of the celebs you have listed in your bio as having dressed is Jesse Metcalf.  Yeah?  The gardener from Desperate Housewives?  I take back everything mean (mostly) that I've ever said about Great American Designer Michael Kors.  At least he doesn't look like a (total) freak and has dressed people who actually have a (working) agent.  (I don't have an agent; therefore, I buy my Michael Kors clothing at the outlets.  Hrmph.)

And of course, the editor of Canadian Elle, Rita Silvan:

WOW!  She's pretty!  She actually looks like the editor of a high fashion magazine unlike Nina Garcia who couldn't figure out that wearing a nude colored potato sack to Fashion Week was career suicide.  (She was fired from Elle!  I'm not surprised!  Even Canadian Tim Gunn would have told her she looked like ass.)  I wish I could hear what lovely Rita has to say.  I wonder if she's nice or a hellbeast.  Oh hell, she's Canadian.  She's probably a sweetheart who doesn't even lock her door at night and invites the designers over for beers and ice fishing after the runway elimination. 

So the finale has already aired (like in November '07) and Canada has it's first Project Runway winner!  So I thought, should we take a gander some hosers in dresses on the runway, eh?  Heck yes!

(NOTE:  Since I don't really know anybody's name due to NO CAPTIONS on the pictures, I'm making everything up.  Too bad, Canada.  Hire an intern.  So, I'm using my knowledge that I gain from reading InStyle and Marie Claire to form my sound opinions that are in reality facts and indisputable.)

FIRST ON THE RUNWAY:  Canada's version of USA's Jay Carroll:

Overall impressions:  Love the textured hose, LOVE the black jacket, not too sure about that color purple (HA!) and the designer seems to like hoodies, so he's got to be good people.  I like that he's using pockets in his clothes (ask any of my friends, if it has pockets, I try it on).  It definitely looks like a line to me. 

Now the negatives:  Why does everything look like it's out of Lenny Kravitz video?  Keep in mind I haven't even seen a Lenny Kravitz video since the 90's.  OooohhHH, is that it?  Does everything kinda look like late 90's hip-hop?  (Except the black jacket which I want to buy along with Bossy Cow's and Jillian's.  I want the two jackets to mate and have jacket puppies.  Okay, too far.)  I'm not sure.  But if I were a judge I'd say, "You didn't take enough risk," or "It's too safe," or "I saw it in a Lenny Kravitz video."  Did I mention it looks like a Lenny Kravitz video???

SECOND ON THE RUNWAY:  This nerdy girl!  (NOTE the glasses.  I'm just saying...)

You had me at the pockets, but lost me with the pink line down the front of the models' legs.  WTCF?  (What the Canadian Fudge?!)  And I'd also like to ask, Nerdy Girl, what do you have against boobs?  Are you mad at them?  Did you not sprout any only to be named head of the Itty-Bitty-Titty-Committee? 

Many things:

1.)  Boobs should never look like they are in a sling.

2.)  Boobs are usually around the chest area and are not, no matter what the boys on the school bus told you, proportioned like a Picasso.

3.) Guys don't make passes at girls in THOSE glasses. 

4.)  The pink line looks like what all girls take great pains to avoid once a month.  (WHAT!?  Tell me to my face nobody worries about a leak.  Tell me!)

5.)  Everything is pretty 80's looking.  And not in that hip retro way.  In that, you just watched "Mannequin" last night and are crushing on Andrew McCartney.

Over all - not a beauty!

THIRD ON THE RUNWAY:  Mr. I'm Taking A Risk and Failing!  (And I wrapped up my package... literally.)

I am literally lost in translation.  WHAT ARE THOSE THINGS ON THEIR HEADS!?!   Why are they wearing doilies??  Why are they wearing Granny Squares?  WHO FLIPPING CROCHETS A BIKINI!?!?!  Never in my life have I thought, "Gosh, my wardrobe is missing a bikini made out of heavy yarn that has HOLES in it."  What drugs are you on?  Why is there a string knot over your ding-a-ling on your jeans, sir?  Why?  What's happening?  We were having such a nice time until you marched your seizure of a line down the runway. 

I admit I like some of the tailoring, albeit a bit too "Music Man" for my liking, but it seems technically well done.  But I can't take my eye off the satellite dishes they are all wearing.  WHY did you need that part?  It's trying too hard.  It's just too much.  The color, the patterns, the designs, the yarn and fabric...  BAH.  You and the first guy need to get together and find a happy medium.  And then you need to give an anatomy lession to Nerdy Girl.  Although, you have some looks where the boobs seem to be all akimbo.

Since there's no judging on the runway, I'm making it up:

Iman: "I'm gorgeous. I'm not at ALL Photoshopped in any of my photos.  I'm a natural beauty who naturally looks like this even though I'm pushing 50."

Shawn: "None of the models had mustaches.  I don't understand.  Fashion starts with a hot 'stache."

Rita: "Look!  I know how to comb my hair unlike some American editors."

Iman: "Shut it.  You rival my beauty; therefore, I must hunt you and kill you."

Rita: "But I'm defenseless against you.  I don't lock my doors at night.  I'm Canadian!"

Iman: "And I'm from Naurobi.  Lucky for me.  Bad for you."

Shawn: "My mustache protects me.  Nobody even wants to talk to me!  I'm so lucky!"

Iman: "First guy on the runway, you won, only because the other ones sucked so hard that it really wasn't a competition.  Your reward is obscurity as nobody knows this show is on the air.  Maybe somebody will blog about you and you'll become famous.  But I doubt it.  (turns to Rita)  You have a ten minute head start."

And there you have it!  Season One of Canada's Project Runway!  Oh I can't wait for a year from now when I find out who won Season Two.  I wonder if Rita survives?  Do Shawn and Brian grow out their mustaches into beards?  And can Iman really erase time on her face without the help of a CGI team?  Join us in a year for Season Two of Project Runway!  Make it work, Canadians!

(You can read more, sorta, at http://www.slice.ca/Shows/ProjectRunwayCanada/Default.aspx - really, these people need a better website.  The video wouldn't load and it just all around pissed me off.  So of course I'm passing it along!  I'm that kind of gal!)