THE OTHER JAEDA . . .
SIDENOTE: I started this myspace account to promote my art for sale via my
Cafepress stores, hence the id "cafepress_jaeda". But my, myspace account grew and evolved into something way beyond that. Then i regretted not getting the account in my first and last name. So i see my current situation as a blessing in disguise.
I have been having problems with many of the features on this myspace account. For months i have been trying to get things fixed with no success. So i have created a back-up account in my first and last name. So if i have to, i can switch over to it, in the future. It is a duplicate of this account and all features are working properly with my new account. I will slowly be adding everyone here, onto that account. Alternatively you can send me a friend request and speed up the process a little bit. My new account:
www.myspace.com/jaeda_dewaltBTW This account isn't going anywhere, i will keep it :).
You can also view the following images in my new recent works album!
JAEDA as THE BRIDES - PICS & POETRY & THE SPOKEN WORD
THE BRIDE OF INNOCENCE Pretty in Pink
She softly mourns for the bride she never got to be
No pristine, white gown for this lovely lady
She will never be the Bride of INNOCENCE
She does not seek what she can not be given . . .
For innocence is the one gift,
That once stolen,
Can never be replaced yet the loss is forgiven
© Jaeda DeWalt
listen to Jaeda recite The Bride of Innocence---------------------------------------------------------------------------
The Bride of Pain
The Bride of PAIN is stuck inside
A blurry nightmare
As her subconscious rewinds her past
And plays it for her – over and over again . . .
It is the kind of nightmare where
Violated flesh bleeds red
And the sound of innocence being stolen gets lost
Inside a hazy maze of surreal blue hues
She falls to her knees in agony
She wants to find her way out of this repetitive dream
She knows to save herself
She must change the ending . . .
© Jaeda DeWalt
listen to Jaeda recite The Bride of Pain
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
view the uncensored version here
The Bride of Change
The Bride of CHANGE
Peers through the isolating veil of pain and abuse – she is vulnerable
Her weakness is her strength because she OVERCOMES
For she will no longer succumb to a tainted existence
Nor the toxic relationships, that leave dark stains on her soul
She knows . . .these ghosts of perversion and possession must go
And the red of pain mixes with pink whispers of hope
She summoning the strength
To reach out, start anew and become WHOLE
© Jaeda DeWalt
listen to Jaeda recite The Bride of ChangeCLOSE-UPS
RED . . .
I love accenting images with
Red because
red is the color of pain, the color of love, of stolen innocence, it is the color that flows during birth when a woman brings life into this world, it is often the color that flows out of us as we leave this earth. Today i am sharing part one of, "Jaeda as The Brides". The backgrounds you see are from the balcony pics i took during the daytime.
What the loss of innocence isn't . . .
My fellow creative Marny offered me some words that were powerful and rang true:
I refuse to believe that you don't hold a piece of that innocence still…somewhere in all that torture you were strong enough to keep some of that innocence safe and just for you.
AND I will tell you why I think that.
YOU STILL see beauty all around you,
You bleed beauty and innocence out of all your work,
You touch the beauty in the torture and the pain and it grows roses…and color….and ART. If you had no innocence, you would not see the world and other peoples art with such wonder.
I SEE INNOCENCE IN YOU.
YOUR HEART IS PURE AND BEAUTIFUL. YOUR ART IS BEAUTIFUL.
THE WORDS YOU LEAVE TO INSPIRE OTHERS
(ON YOUR OWN WORK…..AND THEIRS)
IS BEAUTIFUL
There is a mourning for the innocence i never got to have or experience as a child.
That is part of what makes incest and sexual abuse so painful. HOWEVER . . .
Marny brought to the light of my consciousness, something i failed to realize and address in my work . . .
That my sweetness, my love, did not die when i was abused. It is still at my core and at my essence. My love of sweet joys remain, my softness, light, grace and hope.
And these are aspects i will seek to express in my future survivor-orientated work.
And i thank you Marny so much for bringing that to the surface of my consciousness.
The Bride of Innocence
The Bride of Innocence (Jaeda as The Brides) was conceived toward the end of May. That's when maintenance put up scaffolding and started tearing down the supports on my 3rd story balcony and tarped it off.
The maintenance guys worked a few days on my balcony, tearing stuff down, said something about needing to get permits - due to structural damage . . . and they haven't been back since. So i can't see out because it's tarped off and it's been like that for almost 3 months now. GR-R-RRRRR!
I thought to myself . . . why aren't the tenants speaking up about being tarped off for the summer? I did a walk around the outside of the complex and realized only six units were in need of repair and lucky me, i was one of them. ;)
Bit i digress . . . so i decided i would get some pictures, now that my balcony is double long (they tore down the wall that seperates my neighbor and me). Everything was bathed in a surreal blue light, from the tarp. The scaffolding was also double long and it looked like an endless hallway leading to the land of dreams, to heaven, anything your imagination can conjure up. The balcony itself looked very sad, broken and i kind of liked it's decayed appeal and thought, at least i could use this to my advantage, creatively!
So i went out on my balcony, during the day and night, and took lots of pictures. At night the tarped scaffolding resembled a boat marina or harbor at night. It looked so very different from, the hallway to heaven, of daylight.
Previous to the balcony pictures, i had taken some studio picks of me in a makeshift bridal gown. I borrowed the bridal veil from my sister. Ripped the satin bottom off of an old nightgown for the top and used a sheer window treatment panel for the gown part/bottom because i don't sew! LOL
The bridal pictures i took of myself in the studio are what popped into my head as i was photographing the balcony and "Jaeda as the Brides" was conceived.
It is a slightly sad, disturbing series . . . but i haven't created any new work in awhile and i wanted the next series i created to be along the lines of my
Red Jane series. I felt like digging deep into all the little nooks and crannies of my soul and Spirit. All of those dark, repressed places that cry out to be acknowledged and expressed.
The Disappearance of Jaeda DeWalt . . .
Yep, if it is one thing i am good at . . . it is disappearing, avoiding, dodging, side-stepping, oh i know the dance well! I'm the kind of person that feels like, they're right there beside you, completely plugged in and connected and then before you know it, i sinuously slip through your fingers, i vaporize, you turn around and it's like "What happened to Jaeda? She was here just a minute ago . . ." And the ringer on my phone is turned off, the door goes unanswered and emails are avoided. Striking a balance, that is the key i need to reach for . . .i know i need to keep myself connected, i struggle with that!
When i get out of balance, i want to go within, connecting to that still, small voice inside of me . . . but i also realize i OVER-internalize. M O D E R A T I O N is key. But have you ever, in the course of a day, had those moments where you felt the need to just take yourself aside and have a sitdown with yourself? A talk? Or am i the only one here? LOL
SO . . . plan A was to hide out, remain in my safe little coccoon until i had a solid foundation built on all fronts (spiritual, physical, financial, career, etc.) But Adair helped me realize, the disappearing act, wasn't working out so good and had dragged on long enough.
Plan B was to do this massive blog post. Attempting to catch you up on everything that has gone on in my life since my last post. BUT there are too many pictures, thoughts, experiences and updates. It would be overwhelming to do all that now AND to read all that now. So i will go with plan C. I will divide everything up amongst several seperate blog postings over the next several weeks.
But i do want to share why i have been gone so long. I allowed myself to become overwhelmed with challenges in my personal life, with my business, my finances and my health. I decided i needed to disappear for awhile . . .take stock of my life. I needed time to rest, to heal, gain strength and navigate a new path for myself.
But time flew by so quickly and my best friend
Adair reminded me i can't just disconnect from everything and everyone - indefinitely. I need to keep myself out there in some way. She kept encouraging me to create a new series, to post something, write something. Give the universe a sign that i still have a pulse! Eventually i realized . . . she was right, I had been gone too long.
So i am going to attempt to share my journey. It will help me stay connected and mindful of everything i am doing along the way. It will also put healthy pressure on me to live up to my commitments. Because i will be placing my goals out there, into the universe and being accountable, it's a good thing :).
Also on the Horizon . . .
MY JOURNAL - I haven't been able to afford the time to invest in sharing my thoughts - blog style. But i have been writing in my paper journal, my thoughts on anything and everything, poetry, feelings, dream snippets, photo shoot ideas. Lots and lots of stuff. Over the next few months i'll be converting my journal entries into blog postings :).
BUSINESS/ART - I will be introducing new places to shop my art and will have some brand new products to offer you!
ART PROJECTS - All the fantastic things that are either on the horizon or in the works.
PERSONAL - I will be sharing some of the painful lessons i've learned over this past year-and-a-half, thoughts on love, Spirit, self and the evolution thereof.
FRIENDS/FAMILY - Some new additions to my family, including my adorable niece Hannah Nicole and i will be adding new albums of friends, family and fun candid stuff :).
HEALTH - I'll be sharing what i've been struggling with and everything i am learning through my struggles.
FINANCIAL - Lots of lessons to be learned and shared here as i press forward on this bumpy, bumpy road.
PICTURES - I have still been snapping pictures, not art pictures but pictures of industrial sites, my beautiful niece Hannah, friends and family and i look forward to sharing them with you :).
CELEBRATING MY MUSES, FELLOW CREATIVES - I love to shine the spotlight on those artists, of whom, touch my heart, inspire me, enchant, stir my soul. I look forward to featuring some of you in my future blogs :).
And last but NOT least . . .
The last few months have been a bittersweet experience. Seems the painful lessons are the most spiritually awakening. I am learning, reaching, growing, striving, hoping, loving and evolving.
Thank you to everyone that sent me a note, a word of encouragement, offered up a prayer, expressed concern, love and just loved me as is, disappearing quirks and all. And thank you to my earthbound angels. Like the one that left groceries outside my door and the one that took me to get new contacts/eyeglasses knowing i didn't have any medical insurance. And for my tea angels, dropping by with something deliciously aromatic to brew, savour and enjoy :). I am very blessed :).
And thank you to my best friend
Adair, for all the chats, the advice, the listening, the encouragement, compassion, support, great stories and laughter. You are precious!
I know i have a lot re-connecting and catching up to do. Though i don't really think i can catch up. Time lost, is time lost. So perhaps i'll just stick to re-connecting. Little-by-little i am finding my way back, baby steps . . .
*embracethecreativitythatexistsinthepresentmoment*PEACE-LOVE-LIGHT
j a e d a :)
Blog Archives - Newest to Oldest
driving along the landscape of a nightmare
dark spaces, desperate places - imagery/poetry
soul gazing - elegant ecstasy - sacred love REvisited *pics/poetry*
bi-polarities and manic reflections . . . *new pics*
*the hours* new pics/series/poetry
love-evolution-revolution . . . *novella-length warning*
dreaming of dirty windows and broken elevators
whats in your tank? - a love-fueled existence - God?
imagination + sugar kisses AND sugared skin *new pics*
the gift of undistracted time - the dream kisses
the masquerading selves - creative gratitude
the melodies - surreal showers - life as luscious
jaeda as marionette - belted bodies - my life as a sink
desperately seeking sally - the dashboard confessionals
embarrassing moment - the transparent dream - haunting hands
inbetween dreams - ladies in red - instrument of pain
living inside the dream . . . new photo series + poetry