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Current mood:  creative
There is one more day left in the year 2008.... absolutely unbelievable. I think it is safe to say this has been one of the most, if not the most eventful year of my life. In some ways it's hard to believe that the last 364 days have come and gone as quickly as it seemed, and it other ways, it seems like certain parts of it were ages ago. It was just around this time last year that we were quite literally gearing up to do the show... all the feelings of anxiousness, anticipation, trepidation and excitement of what was to come. Wow, it's a good thing I had no idea, maybe I would have backed out, as there is nothing that can adequately prepare you for that experience. However that being said, I would definitely do it again if I had to. It was fun, and it was hard. Now I think about those people who are about to embark on that journey, I certainly wish them well and give them this bit of encouragement... hang on.
Now here I am a year later, and I often reflect on the experience and how it's effected my life. In some ways, I feel exactly the same... nervous, insecure and nerdy, and of course my family and faith remains the most important part of my life, but it would be a lie to say that there hasn't been any change, of course there has been change... My perspective has broadened, I have developed a smidgeon of mental toughness and I think I might have grown slightly in confidence and strength, yet felt very humbled in the process. I'm not sure if it is really a confidence in myself, but more in a confidence in the knowledge that this is what I'm supposed to do... therefore I am doing it, even with an uncertain outcome. While the way has been prepared, and I have tried to be faithful in following it, it has brought forth some tremendous challenges... I have stumbled, been forced to my knees and spent lots of time questioning myself . I guess anything really worthwhile comes with it's fair share of hard stuff right? Trust me, I am trying to learn from my frequent mistakes... and I am finding out that the more I experience the less I understand. But I haven't stopped trying to grasp the complexities of life, I guess being a "pwatamist" dooms me to an eternal analysis of this world and the people who live in it, and why we are... the way we are... make sense? Nevermind. Any who, I guess what I am trying to say is, I'm just doing my best. I know there are no garauntees, so much is beyond my control, but I will most definitely do what I can with what I got... and then look to the heavens to fill in the blanks.
I have some of my own plans, but if there is one thing I have learned, it is that plans are made to be broken. So my plans are flexible, not rigid... I mean I'm an artist, and so my plan is to make art... whatever that means. That being said, I have decided to set a particular goal, and by saying it out loud makes me more accountable... after all we are in the season of resolutions and goal settings. I have about ten songs written, a few of them I happen to like a lot actually. But I need more... I need to write more, SO my goal is to write ten songs in the month of January. This is going to be particularly difficult for me as I am great at starting and not super great at finishing. I often times wonder if I have A.D.D., probably. BUT I am putting a bit of that mental toughness to work, and going to buckle down and get to work, get to starting and get to finishing. I love music, but truth is writing is hard. Well it is for me, cause it's personal, emotional and vulnerable. Not that it's always my story I'm telling, but I still feel like in order to get the good stuff, you have to be willing to go diving for it, a little exhausting but usually very rewarding when truly sought after and discovered. They don't all turn out great, but there are a few gems that turn up. These are songs that hopefully you will get to hear sometime in the near future so... wish me luck!
So here we go friends, lets make 2009 a year of greatness and goodness. I want to thank you, for everything. How vague and generic does that sound? But really, there is just so much, and even as wordy and long winded as I am I'm not sure how to adequately put it into words that say it right. But I appreciate you listening, reading, sharing, feeling and being a part of my little corner of the world. Your support and care are wonderful blessings and I am grateful. Please be well, continue to struggle and enjoy the lives you lead and let us all strive for the best with in us, and give. You're good... thank you.
I know this is a little late but, Merry Christmas or Happy Hannukah... and I'm just a tiny bit early with Happy New Year... but really I just want to wish you a very Happy Everything!!!
 | Currently listening:
Freedom Wind
By The Explorers Club
Release date: 2008-05-20 |
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5:40 AM
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