"Did I really do that?" was the question I asked Dave last night as we sat watching the last half of last night's results show. Yes, sometimes... or even often, I have to remind myself that I was on American Idol. Since season 8 has started, I have had few opportunities to really sit down watch the show, as I have been completely submerged in the making of High Hopes & Heartbreak. However the handful of times that I have had the chance to watch, I have been overwhelmed with feelings of anxiety... "POST IDOL TRAUMA" as I like to call it :) Yep, well I guess I'm a little traumatized... why? I dunno, I suppose cause I kinda know what they are going through, and again, It's hard for me to believe that I actually went through it myself! As a matter of fact, watching the show reminds me how absolutely insane it all really was, the difference is, while I was actually on the show, I felt like I was in a bubble, sheltered and protected from the outside world, keeping my focus, and even when I was in that studio singing and playing the piano in front of a few 100 people in the audience along with some cameras, I never really grasped the idea (purposefully perhaps:) that in reality I was performing in front of millions, in peoples living rooms through out the country for several weeks. Though it was still unbelievably stressful and scary... I think I felt somewhat safe in a way, not seeing myself through the eyes of the public, tuning out their opinions and judgements. Dealing with the judges feedback was enough to handle, along with struggling with my own insecurities. But now, outside looking in, watching the show after being on it, gives me a whole new perspective on the experience. A somewhat terrifying perspective:)
As I was driving in my car Wednesday Morning, I flipped through several radio stations, sure enough every morning show was buzzing with Idol Talk, and what was dissappointing to me, was that the majority of the commentary was in fact negative, harsh and mean spirited towards contestants as well as judges. Comparing this person to another, who's better than who, kinda like a popularity contest, kinda reminisent of high school. I just notice this type of response overall... it's almost as if there just seem to be so many that just love the opportunity to express their dislike about people that they don't even know. However I certainly don't want to overlook those amazing fans who bring love and positivity to the table, you're awesome and those contestants need you're good vibes! Now listen, I completely understand that this is just part of the show, a big reason in fact the show is SO popular. Everyone loves to have their own opinion, and have a place to express that opinion, and has that right, myself included. And I'm guility as anyone, I've have had my moments when I have caught myself being negative or critical of people, and truth is, I really have no idea who that person really is, the state of their hearts, and what they are going through. You know, honestly I'm not proud of those moments I have, and yeah we're all human. I'm sorry I take this all so seriously, I know I should lighten up cause it's just a "TV show" and just "Entertainment"... but it really isn't, these are real people going after their dream, and it just so happens to be for everyone to see. since I've been reflecting on this over the last few days, I've decided to try harder to "Accentuate the positive and Eliminate the Negative". . Not easy to do in times like these, I mean y'all know what I am talking about, "reality" show aside, we are constantly reminded of the struggles of our nations economy as well as other tradgedies that occur day in and day out, so much bad news. Just doesn't feel right to perpetuate negativity, but go out there and find the good... or be good!
"Post Idol Trauma" set aside, I am grateful, incredibly grateful, Idol was hard and amazing. Making this album has been my reward, getting to write music, create it and see it blossom is what it's all about. I can't garauntee that everyone is going to like it or love it, or that I am going to sell loads of records, that of course would be great, and again I'm gonna stay POSITIVE :) BUT, it's really not my focus at the moment, I am really just feeling genuine happiness for the outcome, I love the music people!! Man, I've just gotten to do so much... pretty unreal! Thank you my amazing fans, you make me smile... sorry I go on and on... So much to say:) I've been working like crazy, and Everyday I've felt the need to blog about so many different things, this is what was on my mind today. Lots more... and yep, that is me in the DSW commercial:)
Oh and two months from today... HIGH HOPES AND HEARTBREAK!!! Can't wait for you to hear it!!!!!
PS- If you're not on Twitter yet... you should get on board, super simple, loads of fun... well I think so:) follow me at twitter.com/babblingbrookie
P.S.S.- Hey what are you guys and gals listening to? I'm up for some good suggestions...