I will keep America on offense in the Terrorists' War on us.

Maybe he should try reading the report of the "9-11" Commission -- if he takes to heart the part about American "power projection" being partially causative of terrorism used against America and Americans, the terrorists might find other targets. But he won't -- he's too busy campaigning and collecting speaking fees --

On March 15, 2006, Congress formed the Iraq Study Group (ISG). This ten-person bipartisan panel was charged with assessing the Iraq War and making recommendations. They would eventually unanimously conclude that contrary to Bush Administration assertions, "The situation in Iraq is grave and deteriorating" and called for "changes in the primary mission" that would allow "the United States to begin to move its forces out of Iraq". On May 24, 2006, five weeks after accepting appointment to the ISG, and after missing all of the group's meetings, Giuliani resigned, citing his "previous time commitments". It later was discovered that it was Giuliani's fundraising schedule which had kept him from participating in the panel, a schedule which raised $11.4 million in speaking fees over fourteen months, and that Giuliani had been forced to resign after being given "an ultimatum to either show up for meetings or leave the group". (From the Wikipedia page about Rudy-poo)

I will end illegal immigration, secure our borders, and identify every non-citizen in our nation.

First, this probably isn't physically possible.

Second, if someone were to actually lock down the border and give everyone in the country a National ID card, why would anyone want to live here? That's one of the hallmarks of a totalitarian dictatorship. And remember that anyone who can stop people from getting in without permission can also stop anyone from leaving without permission.

I will restore fiscal discipline and cut wasteful Washington spending.

I will cut taxes and reform the tax code.

I will impose accountability on Washington.

I will lead America towards energy independence.

Not likely, considering the Ghoul's dealings with the Saudi ruling family, via Bracewell & Giuliani

I will give Americans more control over and access to health care with affordable and portable free-market solutions.

Anyone who truly believes that the Ghoul will even attempt this needs a serious reality check.

I will increase adoptions, decrease abortions, and protect the quality of life for our children.

Why should I care about abortion? And as for Rudy-poo serving as a substitute parent from the White House, well . . . check out his personal life and make up your own mind.

I will reform the legal system and appoint strict constructionist judges.

Anyone who truly believes that the Ghoul will even attempt this needs a serious reality check.

I will ensure that every community in America is prepared for terrorist attacks and natural disasters.

Look at the exemplary job he did prior to the 11 Sept 2001 attacks.

I will provide access to a quality education to every child in America by giving real school choice to parents.

Anyone who truly believes that the Ghoul will even attempt this needs a serious reality check.

I will expand America's involvement in the global economy and strengthen our reputation around the world.

Il Douche by Scott Bieser