I just wanted to say thank you, for yet another night I go to sleep with a sickened pit in my stomach and tears in my eyes. I guess I allow this to happen, but I always have hope things will change for the better. I don't know how or why things went terribly wrong......or how or why we let it get this far. All I know is that we go through a viscious cycle of circles.....circles of pain, and then less pain, but still pain none-the-less. Your mind may choose not to think about this, but your heart will always keep beautiful memories close by.

Remember when I used to be able to make anything better for you.....how I was your Saviour no matter what was happening? Why can't I be that person for you anymore? I never changed---but it looks like you did. It looks like you changed without giving me any warning. A sign would have been nice, or perhaps a hint of some sorts. There was none of that though. I merely just lay in bed longing to get back the days of the past, confused about the situation of the present and horrified about what lies ahead in my future. Where do you get off treating me like I was never the one you fell head over heels for and the one you always thought about before laying your head down on the pillow? The one who you would just hold so tightly as you closed your eyes even tighter and then everything would be okay.

There was once a time when I thought you'd snap out of this and you'd allow your mind to retrace the footsteps back to those feelings of love. Obviously I'm wrong.......and left here with time wasted. Much time wasted, but no regrets. Through all your bullshit you've made me stronger, and I thank you for that as well. Just please tell me how to get away from these feelings of loss----self-pitty----heartache. How can I stop thinking of all the perfect years we've had and how do I stop re-playing the fucked up things you've done? That's the least you could do, is just tell me how, after running my distressed heart and soul in viscous circles.