I'm often labelled a music snob.  Yes, I know, wait for the collective gasp...okay.  I've been known to ridicule friends and loved ones' music collections with a cornucopia of reactions ranging from mildly pretentious to full-on homeless man ranting.  Acquaintances peruse my CDs at parties with vexed stares, occasionally muttering something along the lines of "Oh, Radiohead.  I like them.  Didn't they do 'Creep?'" *sigh* 

True story, my friend, Greg, in my car coming home from East Atlanta once thumbed through the CD jacket and then said, "Hey Matt, why don't you just put a couple of discs in here that people, you know, might listen to?"  *bigger sigh*

So I get it.  In the eyes of the world, I am a pretentious record store clerk asshole.  And for that, I apologize.  Now, however, I would like for you to walk for a bit in my shoes.

In my mind, I love and accept all styles of music unconditionally, and I am probably the most open-minded critic I know.  Surely, most of you who know me are thinking, "Matt, that's rubbish.  Why, the mere notion, sir, is laughable.  Absolute poppycock!"  Do not fear, my interweb friends, as explanations follow.

First off, this entire blog came from a memory of 2 years ago.  Our band played an event called Atlantis.  For those not in the know, its an industry showcase for unsigned bands.  It works like this:

1.  You send in an application.

2.  You send money.

3.  If you are selected, you play a show on a bill with about a kazillion other   bands.

4.  The label A & R people do not see your show, as the band playing upstairs has better thrift store clothes/trendier cigarettes/cooler gear/bigger cocks than your band.

5.  You apply the following year.  Despite a glowing critical write up from the Atlanta Journal Constitution,  you don't get selected. 

6.  You give up on Atlantis. 

Before I go further, let me outline the situation of our performance.  When we signed on to do the Atlantis show, we were a four piece outfit.  Now, using common sense, you'd figure that we would be placed on a full stage, with full PA gear, as is usually the case with a full band.  Unfortunately, you weren't handling logistics, they were.  We instead played the offshoot "Atlanta" (read "not full band") acoustic room at Smith's Olde Bar.  While a very warm acoustic space, it is meant for solo or duo acoustic/folk outfits.   If you listen to our music, you'll find it to be a genre that is, oh, what's the word, NOT FUCKING FOLK (apologies to Joseph, who was our laison - we had a fun time, and you were awesome).

But I digress.  While waiting around on the faithful evening in question, we met another performer named, let's say, "Dave."  Chit Chat ensued, and when we asked a bit about what type of sound he had, the response was, "well, I'm told I sound a lot like John Mayer."  Back the truck up.  Mind you, we didn't say he sounded like John Mayer.  No, those words came from his lips.  Now, if anyone ever said that I sounded a bit like John Mayer, I would kill them with my bare hands.  Don't laugh, I'm being serious.  Well, maybe not "kill," but "beat within inches of their life."

John Mayer sucks...plain and simple, a scientific fact based on mountains of empirical data.  He plays soulless, white-boy blues licks that have all the spice of warm milk.  He dates Jennifer Aniston, for Christs sake.  That he would even want Brad Pitt's hand me downs is a testament to his level of suck.

In fact, do me a favor:  listen to "Pink Moon" by Nick Drake, then listen to any anal abortion of John Mayer.  Tell me which one you think is better.  Hell, I'll be more accessible than that.  Listen to "Nebraska" by Bruce Springsteen, and tell me that the genetic fumble that is John Mayer is even remotely listenable.

So, when did mediocre-at-best musical acts become the standard of good music?  There's really no definitive answer.  I guess people are lazy.  They just don't want to dig a little for something better, and they settle for shit like Nickelback.  There are so many wonderful artists that labor in obscurity while bloated, diseased clones suck at the collective teat of major labels.

So, yes, I am a music snob.  Wow, after reading this back, I'm a enormous douchebag, too.