I would love to be able to tell you that my breaking my creativity commitment was because I was blazing away on my fiction writing, or that I made a great new art piece or something wonderful like that. I mean, sure, I worked on some paper crafting stuff Thursday night but nothing major. And I could make some pathetic excuse about illness and fatigue (the latter of that would certainly be true--I feel great med-free except for the crippling sleep issues...) but I'm not going to do that. I was spending time with my family, doing some work stuff and basically dealing with life shit. That's all. And there is a part of me that is sighing, saying "How will I ever, EVER get into the mindset that creativity is important if I blow it off, for a birthday, for a holiday, for...God, nothing at all? How will I ever prioritize a creative life? Ever find what I'm meant to do with the creativity I have within me--that I know could be channeled into something satisfying?" I know that people who insist on putting this first achieve. Something, anyway. I know that the most successful people consistently talk about prioritizing their dreams, often to the sacrifice off everything else. So what the hell is wrong with me?

I think I'm still trying to learn about balance. How to balance living and LIVING, you know?

To be honest, after working as a consultant at the old gig this week and spending time away from my family, I wanted to be with them, I wanted to relax and I wanted to try to sleep. That's really all I wanted to do. I didn't want to try to be creative--didn't want to write or craft or do much of anything really.

So much for my habit, G. Sorry. (I should say here, because I can't remember if I have already, that she told me in advance to give myself a break if I took a day or two off, as she had done the same. She's a lot kinder to me than I am to me, for sure.)

I will say that there is still something nagging at me to not quit. So I am going to sign off here and try to work on my fiction pieces for a bit. But I'm scared about three days from now. When there isn't this 21 Days, as optional as they may have been from time to time, hanging over me--will I still make the time?

I guess we'll have to wait and see.

Off to write and be someone else for a while,
BMSD