I just wrote a long Livejounal entry and I guess I didn't get everything off my chest and out of my head.

I'm trying to get my head around things. I had to go to the hospital again, I was there from V-day until the 20th. I'm at a point where I don't even bother to burden my friends with my problems. I've talked to so many doctors and therapists the last few weeks that it is making me second-guess myself too much. I think that sometimes my "problems" aren't problems and they bounce around in my head until I can't think of anything but that. I want to be myself, but it is hard when I have this vail of self-doubt inside. I guess I would like to be Bobby circa 2003, when my symptoms were not bad. I was such a happy guy. I was ready to go into the world and trailblaze my path. A lot has changed since then. The world has chewed me up and spit me out. I am going to get up again, but right now I think I have to stay on the ground. I can't make large goals right now, I have to make small goals. It's pretty bad when you have a list of goals that says "brush your teeth" as a goal, 'cause some days I go into "screw that" mode and become a hermit for the day.

I wrote a lot when I was in the hospital this time. I really didn't have a choice, it was either write or watch old VHS tapes. Although I did watch "The Brave One" while I was in there, it was a good movie. Anyways, my writing put me back in a good place. A lot of the material reminded me of stuff that I wrote when I was around 18 or 19. I wrote about the problems that I had then and how they look like mole-hills now. I hope that is a sign that I am getting stronger.

Sorry if I haven't talked to some of my friends in awhile. When I am going through something, I don't want to be a burden to anyone. I am trying to get myself to a point where I have hope...that seems far away.