I've been thinking a lot lately....it's usually bad news and it is no surprise that isn't doing great things to me.

I was doing really well for most of the month of June. I can pretty much pinpoint when June started to go down the drain. A guy from a temp office that I used to work with called me about a job. He basically talked to me like this job was the best thing ever created and how I would be perfect for it. He said that I would start the next day and so I expected his phone call that day...it never came. I ended up calling him the next day to see what time I was expected at that company and he said that he ended up sending a few other resumes in with mine for them to review....&$$&$@! He said that it would be around Thursday when he would know one way or the other...well, it's Monday and I still haven't heard from the douche and I tried calling him today and the receptionist told me that he said I should talk with another lady at the office and dropped me into her voicemail (I didn't leave a message 'cause it would have been a rant laidened with obscenities). I ended up calling the other two Robert Half offices in Columbus and the first one was awesome, some lady named Janelle that actually knew me, so I whipped my Bobby charm (even the fact that I have charm is debateable), but she really didn't have anything...the other office had a lady that sounded very cold and distant.

I'm not saying that I don't like being a server, but I can within the same sentence probably tell you a hundred reasons why I shouldn't be a server. Most of my reasons that I don't want to be a server anymore are both narcissisitc and petty, but those are traits that I usually never portray, so they stick out.

I ended up emailing a temp office that I haven't worked with since I had a bad experience adjusting to lithium. I was actually "let go" from that job 'cause I missed time from feeling so crappy and the lithium made me not remember things or care, so at the time it was no big deal. I just emailed the lady how I can get back into things there and I don't suspect a very positive email in return, but I'm in a position where I can't think of new routes to turn to, so I am retreading old, but scary, territory.

I feel as if I have burned so many bridges here 'cause of my time where I was adjusting to medication, I feel painted in a corner. I am very, very lucky that I still have my serving job throughout the ordeal. I have a very understanding manager and for that I am very thankful.

Earlier I updated my "status" that this will be the first day for the rest of my life. As I typed that I know my therapist would have yelled at me if she knew I did that. She would say that I am setting myself up for disappointment and disaster, but yet I would probably respond with "have I ever set myself up for anything else?" It's about time that I put myself out there rather than sit in my little cave and hibernate. Speaking of my therapist, I should probably call her, it's been a few months since I actually made an appointment.

I don't know what will come of all this, but I feel like I need a change. I have lived with certain things holding me down for a long, long time. I used to be more open about it but I received a few really mean emails from strangers who have read my blog and it disturbed me. It really shouldn't bother me, I mean they took enough time to read it, but it really made me think twice about writing in this blog.

Whatever happens, happens....Bobby will be Bobby, even if Bobby has really bad luck....everything happens for a reason.

Why do I feel like I need to write more?