There are times I wonder...
I wonder what would have been for me and others had I kept my mouth shut at times and spoke up at times that I had been silent.
I wonder what would have been if I had called a person more often to show that person how I felt, and talked to another person a lot less to show how I felt about them.
I wonder what life would be like I had been born on a different day, in a different state, or at least grown-up in a different area.
I wonder about what life is going to throw at me tomorrow, will it be the catch of the day or will it be my greatest fear.
I wonder about all the times I've said those three little words, which led me to wonder if I didn't say them enough to one person and should never had said them to another.
I wonder what I would be doing right now if I had the courage to stick up to my teachers and explain to them what my problem with writing actually was.
I wonder if my life, my current status, my... myself, would be any different right now, if I had done one or two small things differently.

... Sometimes, wondering about stuff is a bad thing, because it brings up the past, and brings up the future in the same turn, but right now, all I have been doing for a long time now is wondering.  And wondering leads to thinking... and "What If..."

What if I did socialize more as a child, would I be more social today?
What if I did try for football as a child, would I be muscular right now?
What if I did have sex with the very first girl that I could, would I feel any better now?
What if I had hung out with the kids at school, like for float-building, would I ever have been invited to the partys?
What if I had the courage to walk up to a girl and start a conversation, would I had more or less heartbreak?

... The problem with wondering and "what if" is it all makes a person think, and for me, I do too much thinking, I know too much about some things and at the same time, I know little about others.

My friends tell me I wonder about life too much and what could have been and "what if" too much, but when I see my life as it is right now, how lonely it is for me right now, I can't help but wonder.