why the does life always do this to me???.... I am happy then something happens and everything turns sour...... I was happy, I had things going good, I had boyfriend, I had a happy life....... Then everything went down hill.......

I still have a boyfriend and I think right now that is the only happiness I have in my life.... If it wasn't for him my rifle would have been used for the first time in 5 years.... and it would have not have been a moose that I shot either.

I hate thinking like this but with my life, he is the only thing keeping me alive..... Even though he has no clue what is on my mind, and he may not know what's on my mind until it is too late but the thing is though.  He is the only one I trust, but you know what this is something I want to work out on my own but i don't think my spirit and heart can handle it, but I don't want to bring him down with me.... as long as he is the same, he will keep me here and I will not be leaving....

I guess that you are now wondering what the hell must be going on for HAPPY OH SAVVY to be thinking this way well lets see....... My Aunt Lori is dying and there is nothing that the doctors will do........ she has something that is killing her plus she now has cancer......... then my dad is being a prick. I left his place because I couldn't take being abused anymore so now he will not talk to me at all, and I tried to talk to him, and he will not talk to me...and his gf is being a bitch and telling me that he doesn't want to talk to me and with calling me down to the dirt.......than a girl i thought was a friend wants to kill me because i was trying to help her bf get her back when they broke up.......... and things like that have been happening all my life, and i can't take it anymore

i want to end this pain but i can't because my love for one guy is too strong for me to leave..... I love you.. you know who you are.