While I do agree with the general FI/LI idea, I disagree with how you think it relates to you personally. Your premise is based on the fact that you press this issue in response to a self determined lack of first impressionistic characteristics. And that, my dear friend, is simply not the case.
Impressions are wildly subjective and I am confident that you are, in your own unique manner, successfully proficient at first, last, and everything in between.
 

You've already heard me talk about this for too long but I was watching the Greg Behren show this morning and guess what? Yup, it was about first impressions in the dating scene. A few quick points he made...

"First impressions definitely matter and if what you're doing isn't working, change it up man!"

"Maybe it's time to change the style, hip the look, lose the old jeans and sneakers."

"And always know that you rock!"
 

Funny, I usually don't think about a first impression with someone unless a relationship evolves. I don't mean a b/f and g/f relationship only, but working relationships, friendships, and more. I may think of our first meeting and how it progressively grew into a fruitful one or went down the tubes.

Excellente! Continue being yourself!

Blaire
 

A Guide to Self-Improvment

Ah the age old question – “what do women look for in men?” Let's translate this to, "First Impressions"

Well, I’m not here to go over all those things, but I do want to touch on some on the basic things that you have control over. Let’s start with appearance.

Now as I have mentioned in the past – even unattractive guys can score with cute girls. The way you carry yourself and your attitude in general plays a big enough role in the game of attraction that looks are not the only thing that matters.

However girls like guys that take care of themselves. They notice a lot of things that guys do not pay a lot of attention to. They look at what you are wearing, your shoes, your belt, your hairstyle etc. They may not make their judgment based only on that – in fact I know they don’t – but if it still enters their mind does it not make sense to make an effort in those categories?

It amazes me how many guys wonder how to approach girls or why girls don't give them a chance to make a 2nd impression when they have not even covered some of the most basic areas. I hate to sound harsh, but many of the guys out there look sloppy, awkward and completely out of touch with fashion.

You do not need to be decked out in brand new Armani suits or the latest fashion trends. But you do need to have a sense of style. There are plenty of websites that offer fashion advice for men. http://men.style.com/ and www.askmen.com/fashion/fashiontip/index.html are two options that have some useful info.

Know the basics. What is in or out? What colors work together? And yes, some of this stuff costs money. But you don’t have to spend a fortune. Check out ebay for some heavily discounted clothing. There are all the brand names you can buy (many are fake – but look identical) to help your look.

Also look for sales. They aren’t hard to find. Buy a great pair of shoes. Buy a wicked belt. And if you are not able to afford all this stuff, build your wardrobe gradually. In the meantime make sure you look coordinated.

Continual improvement. That is what I am hoping you strive for. And it extends to more areas than just what you wear.

Go to a fancy salon and ask what is in style when it comes to hair. They know what they are doing and can choose something to go with your hair texture and type that will energize your look.

I always advocate going to the gym. I realize not everyone is a fan of this idea. Many people are too busy. Many people don’t have the facilities. Most people are just too lazy.

But exercise makes a HUGE difference. It motivates you like you wouldn’t believe and gives you a brand new confidence in yourself. This can do wonders with many areas of life. Not to mention losing a few pounds and developing a fit physique never hurts either.

All of these things are easy to do. I always look at ways of improving little things about my appearance. My bathroom is full of skin and hair products. My closet is full of clothes. Some guys think that makes them less of a man or a waste of time. I see that as just an excuse.

The idea of continual improvement extends to much more than your appearance. I will touch on that in another response possibly. For now I will leave you with a list of small things you can do to make sure you are looking your best. I don’t expect you to do everything on this list right away, but hopefully you see the value in always looking for ways to improve in that category. Here you go:

- Exercise

- Visit a salon for a fashionable haircut

- Dress well – search the net for fashion advice if need be

- Keep your nails well trimmed

- Shave regularly

- Trim nose hair

- Wear cologne, but not too much (always deoderant if needed!)

- Have good oral hygiene – Brush, Floss and use a tongue scraper

- Shower before you go out

- Make sure foot odor is not an issue – clean your socks, shoes and feet regularly!

It's a good rule of thumb all of use can adhere to!
That's all for now,

Anonymous
 

Ok, so this is my opinion in short. I do believe that first impressions are significant, only because that one encounter determines whether or not you will grace that person with your presence in the near future. However, once that initial "FI" is over, it's kinda like Christmas...you only want what is INSIDE the wrapping paper and box. We don't feel sad to throw the bows away, it's only decoration. So....the old adage rings true, it's not what's on the outside that matters. What's on the surface draws us in, what's in your heart, mind and soul is what makes you stay.
: )
 

Very good Blog entry. I agree that first impression is important. Regardless if work or relationship wise, a person will judge you, based on the first minutes of meeting you. Sometimes they only look at the outer shell, but also how a person talks. If they talk intelligently instead of using slang 24/7. After you get through the first impression, like you stated a person can grow on you. So a person being perfect is no good, they have to be themselves, respectful and comfortable in their own shell. Yes, proper hygiene is a 'MUST'.

 

well, if you're good at making a lasting impression, you should be making that lasting impression your first impression, and I'll guarantee that it'll be gold.


It should be noted that First Impressions are everything to girls. Females really do listen to their instinct much more than men do, and we generally have to just to be a bit safer. This instinct gets computed as part of the First Impression. Granted, many people are good at playing a part, but that gets learned later on. Liquor consumption probably helps =).


Personally, I don't think you should go out of your way to make a good first impression if that's not who you are. I know I don't purposely try to make a good first impression, but generally, you'll find me to be pleasant and fun, outgoing, easy to talk to and relate to and maybe a lil bit sassy/sarcastic. That in itself makes for a good first impression to others 95% of the time. If you're genuinely a good-hearted person who cares and enjoys the company of others, people can see that and that becomes your lasting, first impression. It's the aura that you give off that people can read. That's why, if I'm having a bad day, I try my best to leave it at the door. I'm not great at it, but I try. I've been known to be a wall flower when I'm out on my bad days. A beer or two and I'm usually much better. I still am pleasant and easy to talk to, I'm just way less outgoing on those days.


I like to think my First Impression Radar has been spot on at least 90% of the time.
Then again, the only impressions I take with me stem from the following:
1) Was this person absolutely rude/disrespectful to me or others? (I hold signs of disrespect as a major no no in my book)
2) Was this person rather laid back and chill? (These are the types of people I generally surround myself with) This impression makes me comfortable with that person later on.

3) Was this person interesting or fun to be around and talk to? (If they weren't, it honestly takes me at least 3 other run-ins before I can remember this person's name later on.
)

I can tell you one thing, my first impressions of guys are much more accurate than girls. I know way too many girls who act a certain way around certain groups and completely different around another. That's why I shy away from the sweet & quiet girls. I have a theory that they have a hidden agenda. I've been burned by a few of those. I like sweet & outgoing girls though. Lots of gray areas though, so I tread lightly.


I'm curious to know. Do you act different towards guys and girls when you first meet them? I do, but not too much. I'm much more chatty with girls, but as you know, most girls are much easier to talk to than guys are.
=P
 

I guess being sweet and quiet sucks. I usually get the wrong impression for girls when they're outgoing and sweet the first time we meet. I feel like people at work don't like me because I'm quiet and sweet, but I hear that a lot of the women say mean things about me behind my back. I don't even trust the one who told me that.



As for dating, I agree that the first impression matters. If what you wear is not in style or doesn't flatter you, it will put some distance between us.


My last boyfriend was pretty much the same person on the first date as he usually is.

 

Well Patrick, I truly did not take the time with your Blogs to really see who you are. I really like this one, not because you are accurate (which you are in my opinion) but because few people actually think this way. People can be a funny contradiction, they say what others think does not matter, put them in a room with others they do not know and probably 85% (maybe more) will give only what they think is needed to win others over or they wait for someone else to approach them, etc. I wish I could place myself in the 15% but I can honestly say I do not think I do, I try but rarely succeed.






Patrick you are unique and you have a kind and gentle soul, good for you. It is my pleasure and honor to know you (through my space).






P.S.
I love what you wrote concerning your Mom, it shows your character!





"D"
 

there are people that make a good first impression but that first good impression could just be a lie.
sometimes i make a bad first impression i'am told and i never understood.
i have heard that i come off as a bitch. All because i'm shy and i keep to myself around people i just met. but after a while i let loose and i'm 100% myself then i just don't care what they think of me if you like me you like me if you don't than i could care less. you also got the friends that you let them borrow 1 thing or pay for one thing for them and then they expect you to do it all the time, till you finally just say screw it i'm tired of the bull shit. helping people when they really need help is one thing but letting them use you and you know it is messed up of that friend you thought was your friend
 

I think you think too much .. lol :)) let the cards fall where they may hahah :)) nice to meet you again :)) xoxoxox
 

You sent me a message to read this blog a long time ago and i never got had the time too. I think you are really insightful and you really feeled my head with questions  this is  a nice blog I feel like after reading this blog that when I meet someone I will reflect on this I hope it helps me instead of hurt me.