If you have read anything I have written you will kindly note that I am 90% sarcastic, sadistic bitch with 10 % fluffy cute kitten pink ponies.

Why is she this way?

Well thank you for asking, let me enlighten you. I was born in South America that is the continent south of Mexico. Mexico is in the North American continent for those who have already mislabeled me. I am the tallest whitest latina you'll meet with the most German name even Germans do not use anymore.

I grew up in Pasadena California for ten years of my life being the second youngest of five children you learned the pecking order quite quickly. I was a terribly well mannered I mean TERRIBLY well mannered child. I personally recieved invitations from the Red Hat society at the age of six because I was so TERRIBLY obedient and obliging. I always wore dresses, gloves, and a hat and carried a purse under my arm learned to drink tea and crumpets and was eloquent in speech charming the skirts out of ladies 60 years and older, knew complicated arithmatic with variables in them by the fifth grade, wrote a published poem that is somewhere in the archives of the Pasadena City College, and *you'll love this* could sit still for over an hour at the age of six.

Kind of sick isn't it? Most of you that are parents WISH you had me as a child. I taught myself to be obedient, I was never reprimanded, never a cross word, never got out of hand and never went outside to play in the mud. I was neglected because I was trusted to take care of myself and I did. You don't believe me ask my mom.

My siblings were not like me, they were what is known as cretins. Broken bones, swear words, yelling, fighting, my sister was a tomboy... you know... normal.

Our family moved from Pasadena to Idaho FU*KING Falls when I was eleven years old. Lets talk a bit about society since that is how I turned from the most passive sweet child to the most angry spiteful sarcastic human in the world. In Idaho Falls everyone is related, and I mean EVERYONE is related. Second, third cousin... first cousins marrying... horses cows cattle... potatoes.

I moved from an upscale diverse open minded culture to inbred closeminded narrow viewed Idaho. For those who happen to like Idaho, well good for you you'll marry there have children and they'll marry their cousins.

Since we were from California we were of course labeled as drug dealers. And they do not favorably look upon unmarried women due to the fanatic religion looming about the area. *NOTICE NO NAMES WERE SAID* So a single mother of five children was hated/despised/made fun of and ignored.

Speaking to these people in an eloquent manner would get me nowhere. I was riduculed made fun of hated/despised... etc. Half my family is dark skin with dark hair and eyes and although we are technically spaniard/german ancestry becauase we speak Castillian *a form of spanish from Isla de Castilles, Spain* we were automatically all called Mexicans. I have nothing against Mexicans mind you, its just a country not even on my native continent.

Growing up was difficult with the labels we were given. My sister secluded herself in books and became an avid scholar since no one would dare speak to her and everyone just didnt know what to make of me. I was outspoken but shy, I had TERRIBLY good manners which was of course ridiculed and I was very pale skin moreso than the native white anglo of the area. And of course there was the issue with my name. My beautiful name that I suddenly learned to hate with a vengance beyond that which is holy. I do not even go by my name anymore. Everyone who knows me calls me Crystal.

This was beyond teasing, this was a massacre, these were people trying to force us to move adults purposefully telling their children to not speak to us 'because we were drug dealers' and elder women in the society shunning my mother because they thought she was going to steal everyones husband. My mom worked very hard for us children, double shifts, midnight shifts, I have more respect for her than anyone I know. She was not interested in a husband that would potentially ruin her family. She was very beautiful for a woman her age with the difficult life she had to lead.

Those of you fortunate enough to secure a stupid husband that provides for the family yet husband and wife have no idea who each other is and beyond intercourse probably dont give a rats butt about each other good for you. Some of us have to fight claw and fang for everything we have.

It became worse, the teasing, namecalling, badgering... my sisters spirit was so broken she hated herself and for the first time in my life at the age of twelve I slit my wrists hoping to die. My maniac depression spurred so young because of the narrow minded views of the general populace.

I am not an ugly girl, I am rather beautiful in face... unique blend of qualities not found in such an inbred society. My sister is a dark skinned beauty, if those who remember us in Idaho remember my sister then... you've not seen her now. She is a gorgeous exotic creature. One of my elder brothers is a ametuer body builder while the other is a professional hair model probably last seen on a hair commercial with hair you wish you had. We could have done so much, been so much more had we had any self esteem. But jealousy is a green ugly monster indeed.

I was called fat ugly stupid, made fun of you name it I was called it. I hated myself, I cut myself and hoped to die my sister drowned in studies and I found friends with the outcasts of society, toxic people that caused me to smoke, drink, cut and love it. Worst of all I had no idea why it was done, why we were the targets at the time. Why did everyone hate me? I never did anything to anyone, so for those who I believe am whining much ado about nothing you are probably mad because you are those inbred first cousins who had nothing better to do than make fun of others. I dont even want to deal with a message about my statements they are true and if you don't like them than you can most certainly not read on.

*GET ON WITH IT!*

I was destroying myself and no one cared, I had few real friends who ditched me when my health went sour and I began gaining weight, the other half ditched me after I quite suddenly announced I was engaged.

I saw the very worst in society, the very worst in human nature. I married young partly to get the hell out of there, the other part because my husband was an athiest at the time and not involved in the general religion and views of that religion of the area and he was from Chicago so he was leanred in vast amounts of culture and his ideals of life were so very similar to mine own, plus he's damn smart *IQ hits over Savant* and I can hold a deep intellectual even spiritual conversation with him unlike the empty minds and closed views of the general males of the area.

Sorry guys if this seems so cold but because of you I did develop a fascination with older men worst of it was someone 10 years my senior simply because, they weren't you.... plus they called you back... wow what a concept!

I married at 17 years, a few months after graduation that could have been sooner, actually we were hoping to elope in Las Vegas before I graduated but that would have been so taboo for the area... shame on me I lived a life of sin.

I married someone who was forward with his feelings for me. He liked what he saw, he wanted what he liked and he got what he wanted. So we moved the hell out of Idaho, live and circumstance took us back but in the end we're where we want to be surrounded by culture and diversity.

I remember the 'Hope of America' awards given to a girl I recently saw a few years ago drunk at a bar in a comedy night. Well there went the Hope of America... to the bathroom to pray to the porcelain gods. *Grins sadistically*

Well I am done with my rant.

Remember me the way you want to remember me. And I shall keep Idaho a memory, some good did come of my living there, I met my husband and some extraordinarily kind people like Cassandra, Melanie, Hesston and Tyler.

I am sorry I dissappeared for ten years to everyone. I needed to get away, to find myself and to take back my life that ten years in Idaho stole from me. I have medical problems now, some that keep me immobilized for days, I am not the sight I once was, but my husband still calls me beautiful and I am. Screw the world and what it thinks, I've learned to be OK with the image in the mirror and the scars are all but faded away.

I am a writer, poet, artist, public speaker, author, tax professional, costume designer and most importantly wife. I have thousands of readers, followers, and have helped thousands of teens with self image and esteem.

I heard that Skyline was looking for me, to find me to invite me to the 10 year reunion. Will I go? I don't think so.

For those who I love, you know where to find me.

Farewell for now, Crystal Echoes