Even some of my most trusted friends, when they say something serious.. I find it hard to believe. I always think to myself... "Why are they saying this? Are they just trying to look out for me? Lying? Manipulating me?"

Whether they say 'I love you'  'He's bad for you'   or whatever.. I always question it.

Is this T's fault? (Using the letter T so it doesn't stir shit up if the wrong person reads it.) Did he lie and manipulate me so much... that I can't trust? Or did he just make me paranoid..

I know I am paranoid.. I've known that for a long time. But towards the people I love and trust most-- it's not a comforting thought.    They don't have a reason to lie to me . but then again.. T didn't have a decent reason either..

Logically, I don't trust when anybody says "They said this." That he said, she said bullshit is just .. ridiculous.  Now normally, the situation is so ridiculous, it doesn't matter whether I believe them or not. But recently I was told something about somebody. And from one of the people in my life who I'd trust WITH my life.

Do I believe her? I don't. Yet, I don't not believe her.
I don't like this.

This is one of those times when I wish I could be certain.... Maybe everyone's like this.. Dunno.

Whether it's paranoia, or just me not being able to trust..

T ..

..You really screwed me..