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I come to my blog today confused as im positive i wrote a blog last night but its not there. Must have accidently shut myspace while it was in the preview mode and never hit publish blog. I had the perfect fun night planned last night. My girlfreind would come over, we would eat at houlihans with her 15 dollar off coupon, i would get a blue and black burger, maybe some spinach dip and we would go home and drink beer on the deck and maybe play rummikube or something. Then i realized she was going to her sisters. My roommate was blah blah blahing on her cell phone so i got the hell out of there nad went to the bar.
They hadsome band playing crap music. I stood there watching them and glancing at the redsox yankee game everyone was facinated with. I noticed a redsox players last name was Reddick. i giggled and there was no one listening to me about how funny that is. I talked to my buddy pete about my beard im growing. he suggested a conditioner called "horse mane and tail". it s for horses. it makes hair really soft. it was a huge bottle though and i m still using Herbal essances "orchid with a hint of coconut." The cocanut is overpowering and i smell of coconuts. Pete also suggested something called Bagbomb for dry skin. Petes a landscaper but wehn it comes to personal grooming, he is an expert. I told him how i tried that Dead sea salt they sell in mall walkways and how the jewish guy kept rubbing it on my hands and my girlfrineds mom noticed that a few chirstmas's ago and said "i saw mike holding hands with some jew at the mall.".
Anyhow i was having really briliant observations and wanted to remember them . I thought of two genius obsevations while peeing in the bathroom. i told myself to remember them but i forgot. I then asked the owner for a pen and he gave me one. Its one of those black cleartubed pens that are the best pens you can have for cheap disposable ones. He let me keep it, i was so happy. i grabbed a "take out menu" and started writing down observations figuring this will make my drunken blog more interesting and i wont forget stuff. As you can see by my typing , its not a drunken blog, per say but rather a recolection of a drunken night.
The band was really loud. some friends of the band brought in kids to watch. The one two year old boy with his hands over his ears looking like he was about ot cry seemed to be having a great time. The drummer looked like the semi retarded kid that lives in a apartmetn with his mother nad retarded younger brother. the moms a bag lady who wears lots of big afgan like scarves that cover her whole head. The drummer had long sideburns and seemed retarded himself. i dont like bands were all four guys have microphones in front of them. he mentioned something about his wife who was there. His drum set seemed really tiny and had "sto mpen drago n" and a dragon painted on the small bass drum thing. The lead singer had someweird dress up jacket with drawings on it and swayed a lot like elvis when he sang. the other two guys were just regular wierners. THey played cover songs like collective soul or bon jovi, not playing the good songs but the carppy ones. They played that Jimmy eat world song were "everythings going to be allright" i wanted one of the funny songs.
The damn bands friends took up the whole area that you go through to go to the bathroom . i contemplated lifting my short legs and just peeing there but my shorts are in style and the legs are below my knees. SHorts below your knees = difficulty raising them for a quick stand up secret pee. I didnt drink a ton of beers but i do remember being really polite and saying "thank you" all the time and "please " to the bartender. I made sure he noted thisa nd pointed out the other people who dont say thank you.
Eventualy the stupid band wanted to have people dance but they were scared. they were in luck, this guy named Walt showed up. Ive learned that Walt is a guy who got divorsed and became one of those drunks whose life went down the crapper. Walt can sit at the bar in a packed room and the seats around him will be empty. He always used to bug me to play songs on the jukebox for him cause he didnt know how. He'd give me 10 bucs and say "play skinnard or kid rock" and i'd be like "really". once i slipped Static X in there and he knew. I felt bad but was impressed that though he s a mess, he noticed. heres some pictures i took of walt with my cellphone, which oboivously sucks, doesnt have a flash and a very slow shutter speed.
walt dancing
walt eating.
so i gave up and drew a picture. note his bald head, mustache and gray shirt that is plastered to his torso. Note as well his short docker shorts with bony knees and pale skin.
So walt decided to dance. He kinda walked up hunched over with his hands up, like hes sneaking through a wartime trench, occaionally standing up fully with arms up clapping. think its called raising the roof. IT was something and all the regulars and the workers at the bar seemed shocked and worried, yet humored.
Meanwhile a freind of mine had a brilliant idea to talk to a client on the cellphone in the bathroom. The bartender came in and asked how much it cost s for a blowjob and we joked about it. Other people took advantage of this and yelled at the guy on the cellphone or flushed the toilet loud making his buisness call fail. Dont do this. IT also led to another guy getting pissy casue the bartender said the same thing to that guy after i left and that guy cant take a joke about being gay. He stormed out of the bar. hes called angry mark for a reason. His vainty license plate is "angree". He drives over curbs nad flips people off i hear.
The band kept playing cuae they said they would play till the yankee game was over. it went to 15 or so innings in a 0-0 tie till stupid arod hit a homer. Yankees seem to make comebacks anytime i happen to watch them. i have to stop that. I went up to the lead singer who was exhausted and told him how great i thought they were. i asked what the name of his band was. HE told me and pointed to the name on the drum. i said "oh i thought that was the name of your drum set". HIlarious.by now it was 1230 or so and the little kids were finally leaving and the bar started to die so i got a cab. IT was my favorite driver. I ran in to the 7-11 first and got junk food, two pepperoni hot pockets nad andy cap hot frieds. I sat on teh toilet today wondering wehn i will learn. BEfore i entered teh cab, i saw my buddy i see now and then, this black guy. I said "i was wondering, when i talk to you, im always talking about race relations and other black stuff. did you ever notice i refer to anyone i may be speaking about as 'this white guy'? is that odd?" he said he didnt notice. I figure when you talk to black people about someone, you should metnion they are white, expecially if your bad mouthing them so they know its some wiener. I enjoy tlaking to black people or minorities while drinking though its probbaly a bad idea as im not too politically correct and beleive makeing fun of everyone is ok forgetting you cant makef un of people if your a straight white male or its offensive. I also like playing with kitty cats when drunk too.
Speaking of black people, the love Newports or mental cigarettes. Check out this Newport ad i found in my sports illustrated.
heres a list of observations.
1. a black couple vs four whities and they are winning.
2. does this mean the black people smoke newports nad are better at tug rope than the whities who probably smoke marlboros.
3.who the hell makes these ads?
4. i hope the black people arent a couple cause the black guy and the blond chic seem to really be into each other.
5. none of them seem to be really putting any effort into this (muscle motions look gross in ads i guess) but the guy in the back really seems to suck.
6. Seems like the white people are trying to drag the black people into the water, which black people hate just as much as toalking to me while drunk (and cats as well)
7.why arent the smoking newports?
8. seems the chic in the far back is using her boobs to hold the rope.
and none of the guys have boners. Well thats the end of my blog. I covered most of my notes i took and obmitted ones that are superuseless as im now not drunk. theres also about five i have no idea what they mean. as for last nights blog, it dissappeared. i had this last time too, i did that last blog trying to find out my cat and dogs name in german and it took a week to show up for some reaosn. The main point of last nights blog is to say myspace seems to be dying and im scared it will collapse taking my blogs with it. Im offering someone the oppurtuinity to copy and paste all 861 of my blogs into a blog website that has a list of the blogs thats neatly catorgorized so i could find it. i will pay at least two hundred bucks. have a good saterday.
8:09 PM
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